Parenting
Out of context: Reply #15
- Started
- Last post
- 28 Responses
- timeless10
There are a bunch of things here already that I'd repeat, so I'll stick to other things I've learned along the way . . . the hard way.
First, I pray you two have family close by on either side. ANY kind of little-bit-of-help will be amazing in the first few days/weeks/months. Learn from eye-witness experience (either what you want in your family, or what you def don't want). While in this same thought, the nurses who take care of your spouse and little one in the first hours/days: ask to hover over their shoulder, or ask them if they could coach you as you do what they're there to do. Have any questions ready because they are the experts. They're usually moms too, ours were.
Second, as you start living your NEW normal, please, please, please, remember you're part of a couple. Come home on time, or when you say you'll be there, because they're expecting you to. Both your spouse, and your kiddo.
If you're the provider, they'd rather have you home than at work. Trust me. If you're the SOLE provider DO NOT think your job is more important (to sustain/support your now brandy-new family) than your time at home with them. I'm going to repeat myself, please listen, because I can't say this enough: if you're the sole provider DO NOT think your job is more important than your time at home with your family. I missed a bunch of firsts that I'll never experience. The line that keeps ringing in my head (now that I'm aware of what happened) is "Is your husband a doctor?" "No, he's a designer." "Then where the fuck is he?" . . . Since being laid-off right before covid, and landing a 100% remote gig, I now goto so many events, recitals, concerts, and plays. I'd like to hope I'm making up for all that lost time, however, those many missed moments still haunt me, my relationship with my wife, and with my kids, to this day.
Third, remember: you're part of a team, it's a couple thing (an "US" thing), NOT a you and them thing. You're each other's biggest advocate. If there's an issue/confrontation/argument happening . . . there's something to learn from it. Nobody is right. Nobody is wrong. You both need to grow, and that's not comfortable. You're both not understanding each other. If you're arguing there's an opportunity to learn something.
I guess this turned into more of a relationship reply than a parenting reply, but hey, if the foundation starts to go bad, nothing strong is going to be built on top of it.
Also now . . . you'll stop wondering why your friends with kids don't hang out as much anymore!
. . . and, congrats!