Successful relationships
Out of context: Reply #21
- Started
- Last post
- 24 Responses
- Projectile1
Had a rocky start to my one, broke it off after a year.
Then we got back together and talked for literally a few very painful weeks about why we kept arguing, and all her major issues were stuff I could change in a heartbeat - it was just never clear what she was actually pissed about. (eg: She'd get pissed when I went out and it was clear I didn't want her there. All I had to do was say "boys night" instead of being cagey about it)
Turns out the reverse was true as well, she had no idea how much certain things bothered me. But when we argued about it, we were just arguing, and defending ourselves instead of listening.
The lesson: Resist the urge to get defensive. If yr partner gets defensive with you, stop talking. Reset, and bring it up later when emotions are chill.
"hey you really upset me yesterday" is a lot more effective than "fucking stop that!"
Get that down, add some good sex, the occasional festival and you've got a LTR in the bag