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Out of context: Reply #69074

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  • mugwart3

    I'm really struggling to get back on my feet from this batch of depression. Its been 3 weeks since I was 'taken' down and I'm rested but not better.

    I'm fairly proud and always work to a mission on my goals. I'm nearly finished writing my book but really unable to focus, I can't go to sleep nor can I wake up, it takes me 3 hours most days to get out of bed and to make a tea longer ... I'm British so imagination the fear I have.

    The control the mind has is incredible and yet terrifying. I literary start to cry for no reason, not one prone to outbursts either. I try to move but can not. I'm unable to close this fucking laptop down either, tried for 3 hours. I'm terrified for my job living in London is rough as fuck. I need a new job but dont know what.

    If I'm able to get out of the flat, I find myself in a coffee shop writing my book and I'm have a deep sense of peace and calm then panic sinks in as I can not live from this for a long time and several miracles happen.

    Has anyone ever come back from this? Bit bleak but when these panic attacks hit I really do understand why people end up ending themselves. I tell myself if I'm to do that I can put the kettle on and if I can put the kettle on I can get through the day but fuck a duck its hard.

    My diet is good and I am unable to do any exercise - I'm well aware of the benefits. I have a phone call with therapy tomorrow - so I hope the NHS can help this out relatively fast. Any tips?

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    • I know it's not your thing but perhaps you should consider some meds to get you out of this holeGnash
    • I know it sounds weird, but check this recent stream by Limmy, gets into quite a bit of what you've mentioned https://www.youtube.…PhanLo
    • Thanks, tried to watch it but finding him hard to engage with. Appreciate this thoughmugwart
    • You need a partner...Hayoth
    • he has a partner...pango
    • come play chess with me. it will make you feel good winning.pango
    • Some days, you just have to do the kettle thing for everything. Shower, coffee, go for a walk/gym, etc.sseo
    • One step at a time, you got this.sseo
    • <3 As you know ive been feeling preeeeetty dark too. Huge love man, i know sleep would help but here I am.. midnight and counting..mantrakid
    • Lisbon. I didn't feel depressed once while living there for 1 year. Two weeks back in London and I was feeling really down.shapesalad
    • I lived super cheap there, didn't have a luxurious lifestyle. The combination of good local food products, sun and exercise from waking up down the hillsshapesalad
    • And the feeling that the city had a edge, that you go to the rive and see space, a view - all really helped. London makes me feel trapped, there's no end to it.shapesalad
    • Fuck 'exercise' - when was the last time you had a long walk?Nairn
    • How do you feel you are helping here, Shapesalad? We get it, you don't like LDN and wish you were back in Lisbon.Nairn
    • It's a silly thing - but have you done any bus routes, end to end and back? With absolutely no purpose other than to see the world go by?Nairn
    • I find stupid shit like that recontextualises and reframes my situation; gets me out of my rut - be it work, house or brain - without a cliff face of 'effort'Nairn
    • Well.. just pointing out, sometimes a change of scenery, seeing life can be different, helps? Not sure. Anyway, rooms if you need https://nomadx.comshapesalad
    • wow thanks all. I get what shape is saying. My fiance and I are thinking of leaving town. Just a lot of planning. Got to get my kid legally with me full timemugwart
    • pango - hell yeah I'll be there.
      I do have a partner and to be honest I would't be here with out her love and help.
      I want to change carrear but scary to think      mugwart
    • starting a new place when I'm so downmugwart
    • https://inakanoseika…
      Was just given this. rural Japanese houses cheap      mugwart
    • damn walking distance to hiroshima ground zero for free....ArchitectofFate
    • otherwise move to sweden, where everyone is more or less depressed ;D https://tinyurl.com/… cheeeapArchitectofFate
    • It's a life phase. Your inner-self is unhappy and wants something and you need to figure out what it is. Go through it and you'll find happiness.SteveJobs
    • keep sharing. Keeping it all to yourself is part of the depression that helps to keep it alive. Thats my biggest problem. I rarely share what im going through.shellie
    • Thanks all. Your write Steve, probelm is I know what to do - just able to do it yet.
      @architect - any relationships to RedIce? Your name + swedian made me think      mugwart
    • ಠ_ಠ Hurry up and accept the challenge already! You are leaving me hanging!pango
    • Accepted it already! Wake your sorry arse up already!mugwart
    • Hey Mugwart, didnt read all these notes and see you are maybe climbing our. Anyhow I have hit rock bottom multiple times since my kids Cerebral Palsy diagnosisDarkCover
    • Happy to listen and talk about how ive been working through it all. This generic gmail will get to me if interested. jobsfr33lance@gmail...DarkCover
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