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Out of context: Reply #68078
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- HijoDMaite3
@mg33
This morning I woke up my wife and told her about Bourdain, I followed it with the news that he had a 13 year old girl. Her first words were "fucking asshole!" mind you we have been fans of his shows since the beginning. We have two girls, a 14 year old and a 17 year old. I think I understand suicide more than she does. My brother killed himself with a gun to the head in 1999 he was 25. He was sick, like really sick. Years of drug use on the streets of Costa Mesa and OC took a toll on his brain and he developed serious drug induced schizophrenia. He had to be on meds but when he would feel better he would take himself off the meds and the cycle went round and round. In his last years I recall his descriptions of the voices in his head, he would tell me that they would scream at him and also whisper sometimes. The voices said he was no good, that this or that person hated him, that he was a piece of shit, and so on. He couldn't be around crowds, heavy traffic or even running water because it would become unbearable. So when I learned he had shot himself I knew he just wanted it to end. I don't think he was selfish, I think he was tormented and thinking of his loved ones was not really a luxury he had at the time. In fact I believe he thought he was doing our family a favor because he saw himself as a burden to our family.
He didn't have children though. It does piss me off that these two recent deaths did it with young kids at home. I want to try to understand the pain they must have been going through but it's difficult because I myself have never experienced total despair. I also can't shake the feeling that these two completely successful people, and I mean masters at their craft, were struggling with mental disorders and agonizing pain and yet they felt they could not be open about it because of their pride. Could it be that they just could not bear the shame of admitting these character defects? Could their fame and fortune and their high society standing cause them to hide it all until it was too late? If that's the case then celebrities are in even bigger trouble than we think. I mean you look at a guy like Terry Crews didn't he come out publicly and say that he struggled with porn addiction and that he was seeking help? A guy like that?? To come out and admit he is too weak and needs help? Tell me that guy has not benefited from being honest and open. I bet you he has and I bet you his family has also benefitted from it too. (Just looked him up, 5 kids and one wife since 1990.)
I don't know obviously, but I know this world does need something and I don't think Hollywood has it.