dad questions
Out of context: Reply #23
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- kona2
A little advice from a father of 3 boys aged 5, 2, and 7mo.
You aren't going to break them as a baby. Don't treat them like a rag doll obviously but don't freak out when picking them up or putting them down, or when holding them, or lifting their leg to clean their diaper, or any other time holding them. You aren't going to break them.
They will break you. The severe lack of sleep and all that comes with it is real. Very real. Marriages have dissolved over it. You guys will have to figure out what works best for you but for us we did shifts. One person takes one night, the other person takes the next. If you trade off every other feeding (and some feedings can be 1-2 hours between so times that by 8-9 hours a night) and you both wake up tired as shit. If you do nightly shifts, or even half the night one person, half the night the other, you'll at least start to get some reasonable sleep. Also this is by far the most important thing I can tell you. When baby sleeps, you sleep. Seriously. You'll need it.
Pick one day a week and get a sitter every week. You and your significant other go out and have dinner, watch a movie, go to the park and sleep for 5 hours in your car (we've done this), whatever. You'll need adult time away from your baby. You're not a bad parent. You're human. Don't feel the need to be 'with' your baby 100% of the time, it's impossible.
At-home daycare vs. daycare. Who flipping cares. I have personally seen more kids go through either side and not a single one of them is better or worse than the other. In the long run it doesn't matter because they'll all eventually go to preschool at the same damn age and learn the same damn things.
Colic babies are the real deal. If you think you have one (and speaking from experience I hope you don't) you can't do it on your own. Talk to your doctor and pick up a good book on the subject.
Finally, you'll need to experiment to find what works for your baby to sooth them when they cry. Some are OK in a carseat. Some in a swing going side-to-side, some swinging back and forth. Some need a car ride, some need you to hold them face down on you, some need you to hold them 'sitting' in your arms looking out. Some like to bounce, some like to lay on their back and be spun around like a 1980s break dancer (don't do this no matter how awesome it sounds). You'll have to experiment.
Have fun. It will literally be the most rewarding thing you'll ever do!