Embarrassing Stories
Out of context: Reply #29
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- mikotondria30
SO, in the late 70s, when I was about 7 or 8, some of my friends started talking about this great place called 'cubs', and persuaded me to try it out for the first time. I didn't know anything about it or what to expect but it turned out to be a kind of very organised boys club, where the boys where these shorts and uniforms the leaders all wear uniforms, and you do cool outsidey and character type activities. It's all quite regimented and far more of a disciplined environment than school, and I was a little intimidated by the authority of the older boys, staff and ultimately of the Akela - the troop leader who was also the strictest, scariest dinner lady at our school. Fuck, she terrified me, and I spent that first evening session on tenter-hooks, really nervous about putting a foot wrong, failing at the games or saying the wrong thing, being inadvertently insolent or whatever. I was also pretty badly in need of a piss by time I'd arrived.
Not knowing the protocol for asking where the toilets were, or indeed ever hearing anyone ask, I became increasingly anxious as time went on.
The session of games and things with knots etc, drew to a close, and without a spoken command - according to their regular procedure, the troop of boys formed a large circle for the closing ceremony. As a new-comer without uniform I was welcome as part of this quite somber, serious event, and I stood in the circle, opposite the Akela, who in this tale towered above everyone else with a hawk-eye and bush of wiry silver hair. There were announcements, and congratulations awarded to certain boys - polite applause - man, I needed to piss, come on ! come on ! How long was this bit ? The piss I needed was at the final stage of stand-off with my bladder muscle. There was no more tensing, no minor reliefs - this was to the wire. Hard, heavy and cold, and starting to burn its way down to the gate. Jeeesus. Yes, congratulations, Andrew on your weaving badge.
And we welcome a prospective new member - Michael - all eyes on my slowly contorting frame. We hope he has enjoyed his first time here at cubs and we hope to see him again. That threw me. The steely look from Akela, my friends, bigger boys I didn't know. Other ancilliary adult staff. Gawp. Piss didn't care. Piss needed out - spasms, burning, cramps.
And without break, into a presribed passage that they'd always say to finish the ceremony - "Boys, do your best..."
And I did. I did my best to hold on, but there was no hope. The piss won the battle in my little grey shorts and busted through my heroic bladder retaining muscle. It leapt out in a joyous, victorious hot yellow torrent. Boundless in its vitality and freedom it quickly filled the inside of my underpants and blasted out the bottom on my legs, sheets of shimmering boy-pee, endless, hot and chipper as a mountain stream it gurgled and splashed as it hit the tops of my dress shoes and finding a level oozed slowly into a bulging growing pool around me on the dusty floor. Beneath the brightest of the ceiling lights I stood watching the horror on the faces as I stood upright in my island of shame, like a lone coconut tree atop a rounded disk of sand, my bladder had given up all hope of dignity and was unresponsive, my fleshy balloon emptied its happy self entirely, and I picked up one foot, and drops fell off and made tiny ripples. It was done. The ceremony was over and robotically the boys broke ranks and moved towards their coats and the exits.
After a time I did the same. No words were spoken and I left holding my coat in front of me and onto my lap as I got into my dad's van in the dark.
Yeh - I enjoyed it.
And the worst thing - the very very worst thing ?I did it again the next week.