Xmas List...
Out of context: Reply #8
- Started
- Last post
- 16 Responses
- Greedo0
"I can't recommend this picture of entertainer Paul Ross enough. I, like you, am an ardent fan of his effortless presenting style - the way he reads the autocue like a poet reading Wordsworth; his intimate interview questions that probe deeper than a million Parkinsons ever could; the chilling way he brings horror stories to life, his voice a beautiful yet terrifying portal to a mystifying otherworld.
But these fine qualities are not why I recommend this picture. There's a much more significant, deeper reason.
You see, my house is haunted. It has been for years. My hallways chill at the drop of a hat. Pipes moan and groan with the anguish of a thousand souls. Sometimes my curtains move. It's like living in one of the horrifying stories from his Big Black Book.
One day, I decided to escape the bone-chilling terror of my home-life to attend a market fair in a small hamlet two towns over. Among the assorted trinkets and toys, I felt drawn to one stall in particular. The owner, a wizened gentleman of around 90 years, told me he sensed in me feelings he'd not felt for aeons. This led him to show me his most prized asset - an item he swore he'd never sell until the Gods showed him the way.
I think you know what that item was.
When I returned home, I hung this picture above my haunted fireplace. Almost immediately, I felt the cold disappearing. The curtains stopped twitching. The pipes stopped moaning. I felt sure that this picture of Paul Ross expelled the demons from my home - I don't know why and I don't know how, but I can only thank Mr. Ross from the bottom of my heart.
I urge you, dear reader, to bathe in the warmth of Paul's chubby glow. My heart is at peace now - I only wish the same for you.
PS - do you sell any pictures of Jonathan too?"
- "chubby glow"Greedo
- PS: i have no fucking clue who paul ross or jonathan isGreedo
- haha, they're both cunts.Jnr_Madison