Time me!
Out of context: Reply #90
- Started
- Last post
- 97 Responses
- ********0
Tits. They were glorious. She must have been smuggling something.
Boy, it was cold out. The 38 limited pulls up, and a billion old chinese ladies get on and off, bottlenecking through the entrances. Finally I get on, and find my place beside an old guy that smells like he shit some chemicals into his diaper. It must have been the reason there was a place for me, everyone were keeping a wide berth of the old coot.
One stop. Two stops. Three stops. Four. The back door pops open and some asshole with the worlds largest backpack propels it into my coffee as he swings around and down the stairwell. Everything unfolds in slow motion.
The lid on my coffee placed on loosely due to the poor attentiveness of the mong loving beancounter detaches, and a mini tidal wave of scalding holiday peppermint latte splashes into the old mans face. He screams.
Doors open, and the whole crowd heave-ho me off and onto the curb. My empty coffee cup follows suit, lightly bonking me on the head as I lay sprawled out on the curb.
I get up, spin around, and flip open my trenchcoat, and unholster two double barrel automatic shotguns strapped to the sides of my legs.
"You just fucked with the wrong commuter, compadres."
I spit a loogie and start hammering the sides of the bus with buckshot. The but tries to make a break for it but it's slow, encumbered by idiots and running on a motor not designed for fast getaways. All the wheels on the right side of the buss blow out, sending everyone careening to one side. A kid with a gameboy comes crashing out the window.
"Please sir! I haven't saved the game yet!"
Too late. I level a barrel and turn his face into a hamburger.In the corner of my eye I see a glint. The escape hatch on the top of the bus pops off with a hiss, clattering on the ground, and jsut when I think the passengers are too stupid to make a brake for it, the side door swings open. It's the veteran in the wheelchair.
He opens up with a pair of saturday night special revolvers that he had hidden in his fanny pack, just for such an occasion. I duck behind a mailbox and plaster my back to it. Think cannonball! Think!
Down the street, a squad car fishtails around the corner, sirens a-screaming. Your hero, ole cannonball lunges out over revolver fire from the cripple clicking out shells from the cover of the bus. I duck into a roll and stand up straight, taking aim for the squadcar's radiator. The shotguns are spitting fire the moment I stand up.
"Come on you sonofa..."
Suddenly the squadcar detonates, and the blast sends the flaming wreckage flying over my and into the back of the bus, peeling off the flimsy sheet metal top with a loud crunch. Half the people in the back all pop arteries, but before any blood sprays, the bus itself explodes, jumping up and bucking in the air like a giant mechanical bull.
"Now... which of these coffee shops are going to service me before work...."