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Out of context: Reply #32772
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i remember a dream i had years ago about a girl i was in love with in college.
i guess you could say she was the first girl i really fell hard for. she was gorgeous, fun to be around, artistic, but she wasn't into me at all. this crushed me. i didn't know how to get her out of my head. sure i dated plenty of girls and it's not like i was obsessed, but i always held feelings for her, and she knew, she just never felt the same.
in retro-spect she was kinda snooty. in fact, looking back now i can see that she would have made me miserable, we had some things in common but not a lot, and she was very competitive. i think most of my interest in her was me projecting a lot onto her, and building her up into this perfect person, when she really wasn't.
but anyway this dream i remember vividly. i guess it was mind inventing closure about a situation i would never see a resolution to otherwise. it involved the 2 of us in a room somewhere. don't remember the details of the situation, but we were discussing things /life / feelings and it came up again how much i cared for her and always had. she finally admitted that she felt the same, and one thing lead to another and this dream was quite vivid as i said. amazing. after the fantasy sex was over we were getting dressed and she was all a-flutter wondering what we were going to do that day: should we go out, etc. and the ddream suddenly became very real and the fantasy burst right before my eyes, i remember feeling a sense of dread in what i needed to say next. i told her that i didn't think this would work. i explained everything to her about how she never noticed me and that i HAD had all those feelings for her but they had drifted away in recent years. i basically blew her off in as rational and as cold a way as possible.
when i woke up it was so real to me it was as if it had actually happened. as if i had actually slept with her and rejected her. undeniably real. it was a bizarre and comforting feeling.
my brain created a fantasy where the fantasy ended.