Hello all
Out of context: Reply #13
- Started
- Last post
- 35 Responses
- ********0
Growing up I used to be called "Buck And A Half."
My friend and I were pretty wasted and he had the bright idea that we should shovel walks for snow. I, detesting manual labour, was not going to do it - but decided it might be fun to tag along as I was obliterated and it wasn't even noon yet.
So he goes up to the first door and gets like 5 bucks, and I relentlessly make fun of him for not knowing how to talk to people and that I could have gotten $10, blah blah blah. So we're off to the next one where I say I'll do the talking, and sure enough I get $15 after some bartering.
I even helped out on that walk and figured we had enough to keep us going for the day but he wanted to do some more. By this time his older brother caught wind and came to take the money off of us because that is what older brothers do. Him and my older brother were best friends, and we, the young ones, were best friends - so it was interchangeable beatings, and extortion all around.
So instead of $20, I say we can get a lot more if we tell people we're doing a whole block - but at once ... that way we collect the money up front, and nothing is suspicious when we walk to the next one ... then we bounce out a few blocks and do it again.
This idea intrigues him, and he holds onto the $20 just in case it doesn't work.
Granted nothing is suspicious like 3 kids, 2 of them in 7th grade laughing at everything and smelling like a brewery, with one shovel between them showing up at your door in the first place.
So my friend says he's going to do the talking for the first house as he thinks he got it down, and I swear to everything holy this is what transpired ... as he is going to knock on the door (before he even knocks), this old man swings the door open and just yells, "BUCK-N-A-HAAAAAAAAAAAAALF!!!" And dumbfounded, and borderline wondering if this is real with his hand still in the air in a knocking motion, my friend goes, "Nah man, two."
To which the old man without missing a heart-beat yells, "WELL, YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN - BUT ALRITE!" Then slams the door.
We all stood there mystified as to what happened and I just start losing it. The guy was old, with just crazy old man non-bald hair going every which way, he had thick ass black glasses that were crooked, rocking a wife beater (it's freezing out) with suspenders and green Dickies up to mid-beer belly.
It was hysterical.
I grabbed the shovel off of the brother and went, "Hey, give me this I want to earn my share!" And then promptly wacked idiot with the shovel who bartered for 2 dollars and we just started beating him up a bit but like in a fun way not like hurtful.
We then went to a few more houses, took our cut and went off. Eventually getting arrested at a diner for some reason ... something like lying to people. I decided to simply give the money back and not shovel the walk though ... which I'm sure the cop promptly put in his pocket after dropping us off nowhere near where my friend lived to walk back in a blizzard.
But when we got home to get ready for the nite, after a hilarious and continuation walk of the morning's festivities ... I told the story to his mom and as much as I still accentuate the "BUCK-N-A-HAAAAAAAAALF!" you can't get like the HaaaaAAAAAaaaAAaAAAAALF! part of it via text, hahaha. She was in tears laughing so hard, I imagine just picturing us numskulls doing all of this in the first place and then crazy old man McGee too boot.
So she called me Buck-And-A-Half, and it kind of just stuck with me for a while with certain people, haha.
And that's the Buck-And-A-Haaaaalf bit!!!!!!!!
YAAAAAAA!!!!- slow day at the office, eh?gramme
- Actually incredibly busy. But I'm taking a break and penned this waiting for my friend to get online to talk to, haha.********