Broken Collar Bone
Out of context: Reply #39
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After years of surfing the internet I finally came to the end. A pop-up came up on my screen saying, "Congratulations, you have successfully completed the internet!"
When I hit the OK button ... I guess I wasn't really sure what was going to happen but a jolt ran right into my computer, right into my mouse kicking my arm back, I fucking Bruce Lee'd my own collar bone and the worst part is I was at the *end* of the internet but I wasn't at the *end* of my internet ...
Well ... of course as luck would have it, my roommate came back saying he forgot a book or something and does a classic double take. I think, he came in running mumbling, "FORGOT MY Buuhhhh ... whatthefuckingfuck." I didn't hear footsteps after that, but heard him slowly get out his phone and dial 911.
It was a clean fracture in that it was completely clean through my skin, the collar bone that is. Blood was everywhere as I remained helpless on the floor, laughing to myself the only way true pain can make you laugh. At the time I reached the climax internet, I have to admit, I had yet to get both legs out of my boxers - but I don't know if it was the sheer rush of pain, or sense of accomplishment in conquering the internet ... but I had climaxed myself while momentarily in euphoria between when my sound barrier crash landing happened, and waking up to the taste of my own blood.
Well ... I thought it tasted a little weird for blood. It's not like I'm a vampire. I don't crave blood, or suck the blood out of cuts I receive. That's disgusting, and vile. I remember tasting my own blood as a child as I believe most do out of curiosity. I always thought if I ate Iron Man's suit piece by piece it would taste like my blood.
I did not remember it having such texture, however, or my yearning for crackers after I picked my first scab when I was 6. Or the smell of a smoldering, aflamed laptop either - slowly engulfing the rest of the apartment in its wrath.
I appreciate my flat friend's quick reaction time, and concise speech though when explaining the situation. Any more dire seconds lost and I may have bled to death and been none the wiser. The last words I made out were, "YOU HAVE GOT TO GET OVER HERE A PICTURE IS NOT GOING TO DO THIS FUCKING JUSTICE AT ALL. PLEASE BRING A VIDEO ...."
Safely I assume the picture was to convey the 1,000 words which he did not have the time for, and the video ... I am going to say camera was for insurance purposes so they could see the roaring fire and aftermath as insurance companies like a little pizazz outside of the old, "One irreplaceable Nintendo Power Glove that I would wear to breakfast on Saturdays." If they could actually see it's scarred sacred remains and my reaction to it, they would know the 1.5 million I was asking was not in vain.
Long story short, 4-6 weeks and I'm back in business baby!