Ever been fired?
Out of context: Reply #35
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Another one of my long posts, haha:
Uhm, I went thru this company that found shitty jobs for you and my first assignment was to do surveys on the street about what kind of stores, and how people generally thought about the South Side of Pittsburgh.
When I found out that if I got 12 done or something, I got to leave, I would just fill them all out myself and play basketball at 12th street to pass the time until I thought it would take someone with half a brain to get 12 suckers to waste their breath.
After that stint was over, I somehow got "Employee of the Month" from their company based on the rave reviews the survey people had of me, hahah.
So instead of building on my natural rapport with people my next assignment was at a fucking assembly line. But with an added twist, I referred my friend to their company so I could get $100 and they assumed putting us together was a good idea.
It was not.
In a one week span, we worked about 5 hours ... and here is the wonderful breakdown (of the time, and the guy at the place):
Monday:
Show up in the AM with what looked like a Motley Crew of dead beats and mindless dolts. Not being fans of manual labor, we spend the first 4 hours cracking jokes, and just exploring the warehouse doing absolutely nothing. During our lunch break we decided to just leave and start drinking.Tuesday:
We decide that showing up is absolutely pointless, so instead we watch Uncle Buck while drinking, and then decide to just hit up train yards and paint all day.Wednesday:
Deciding at this point we should probably keep up appearances and show up for work. Any chances of any work getting done are lost as we join in the line like we know what we are doing, but we spend the entire time throwing stuff at each other and making fun of the music that is being played, as well as everyone at the job."Look at that motherfucker, his ears are so big he can probably hear my thoughts."
"That bitch is so fucking ugly, I wouldn't fuck her for practice."Yadda, Yadda, my usual being a consummate asshole but somehow endearing myself to complete strangers.
After an hour, and being expected to make like an ass load of electrical outlets are something our group had 15 complete. The bewildered look on the guy's face when he came to check up on us was just absolutely priceless. He then thinks we may be better suited to just make boxes, and being on the roll we were, we continue the jokes, heckling every single step of hte process and acting like we have never used our hands before.
At this point, the guy is just fed up. He is yelling some gibberish about how he has been putting up with our shit for too long, and is running over with his finger pointed and like manna from heaven, trips over one of the boxes he made falling flat on his face not even bracing for impact, sending everyone into uproarious laughter.
Visibly hurt, and with not one person asking if he was okay, despite his tail being between his legs he barks, "JUST PUT THE FUCKING BOXES TOGETHER AND DO MORE THAN 15 AN HOUR, AND IF YOU DO JUST 16 TO PISS ME OFF EVEN MORE - YOU'RE ALL FIRED! I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING!" as he limps away.
I look at my friend and go, "I don't know about you but I feel like swimming."
On cue he comes back with, "Let's fucking hit up the beach, fuck that guy."
The people we work with have absolutely no idea what to make of us ... and we just walk out knocking everything over we possibly can, get in his car and drive to Ocean City, MD, hahaha.
The trip itself consisted of us just painting everywhere in between Pittsburgh and Ocean City. We bombed everything and anything. We stopped in small towns that I do not know the names of, and we stopped in D.C. and Baltimore to just annihilate everything.
Arriving in Ocean City we went to a skate/surf shop and brokered a deal with the guy who owned it that if he hooked us up with a place to stay, and found someone to buy us beer we would do a big ass mural in the alleyway for his store.
We didn't leave until Sunday, after painting, drinking, swimming, beaching, partying for 3 straight days on basically no sleep.
For shits and giggles we decided it would be funny to show up to work on Monday.
"If you think you still have a job you are out of your mind."
A discussion was had, he informed us he was not paying us at all considering we did no work at all the short time we were even there.
After some further discussion, he gave us all the money in his wallet to leave and never come back.
This is the same friend that my one cousin, and best friend both had an intervention with me at seperate times in the same week about how they can't be friends with me anymore if I continued to hang out with him, haha.
My next job after that was ... well here, and I've been playing with computers professionally for 6 and a half years.
If you made it this far, I hope any of this was funny and not a complete waste of your time. Writing it was certainly fun remembering that ridiculous week of my life.