Your bio
Out of context: Reply #11
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- Bluejam0
My brother wrote this for his bio...(i think he even used it on his cv)...
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Since leaving school I have gained many skills such as scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Kenyan refugees,
I write award-winning operas, and manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I had trials with Manchester United, I am the subject of numerous documentaries.
When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my garden. I enjoy urban hang gliding. I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I have appeared on Through the Keyhole and won the gold plaque. Last summer I toured Eastern Europe with a traveling
centrifugal-force demonstration. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me. I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. The laws of physics do not apply to me. On weekends, to let off steam, so I make extraordinary four course meals using only some vegetables and a Breville Toaster. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to
write it down. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in Madrid, cliff-diving competitions
in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.But I have now given all this up to lead a life in finance within London.
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Made me smile.