blog
Out of context: Reply #8114
- Started
- Last post
- 76,739 Responses
- emokid0
Reviewer: Z. Wolf
My name is Zach, a former employee of Tuscan Dairy Products.
To understand why I'm writing this we must go into further detail of why I am not currently employed by Tuscan Dairy Products at this juncture.
My position at Tuscan Dairy Products was called "Container Control Specialist". Basically, my job requirements were to hold an empty one gallon jug while it was being filled with Tuscan Whole Milk.
I know what you're thinking, "DREAM JOB". You couldn't be more right.
At first my job at Tuscan Whole Milk was exciting and fun. Nothing pleased me more than getting up in the morning knowing "I'm about to see the most magnificent and wonderful substance on earth". All I could think about was Tuscan Whole Milk, and that is where my life started its death spiral into the Abyss of dank, musky and pure Tuscan Whole Milk.
From the beginning my wife was jealous of me. She loved Tuscan Whole Milk, as we all do. But something pained her inside when I would mention Tuscan Whole Milk. She was bored with her job at SuperCuts. Upon arriving at home each day she would say exactly the following "What happened at work today, and give me DETAILS?" She was crazed for Tuscan Whole Milk, much like a crystal meth addict. She longed for the thick, cold and ever so beautiful taste of Tuscan Whole Milk.
But the jealousy had gone too far. After fulfilling my duties at work, my supervisor Jim decided to let me go home early. This is where it starts. I arrived at my homestead with my usual 2 jugs in hand(s), only to hear a moaning coming from our master bathroom. Furious, I barged into the room only to see my wife... Her insides filled to the brim with Tuscan Whole Milk.
I immediately filed for divorce and left my wife.
I got an apartment closer to work so I could spend more time with Tuscan Whole Milk. I was on a slippery slope. I would drink nothing but Tuscan Whole Milk until I vomited. I knew I had a problem, and the first step was admitting it. I was addicted to Tuscan Whole Milk. Being bloated, feeling sick, excessive diarrhea, lung disease, and milk lips are all symptoms of Tuscan Whole Milk abuse.
I had to quit my job at Tuscan Dairy Products to stay away from Tuscan Whole Milk. I am currently working at Ned's Video on Auburn and Sunrise as the Video Tape Rewinder. Its part time and the pay is bad, but at least it keeps me away from Tuscan Whole Milk.
Please kids, be safe and limit your consumption of Tuscan Whole Milk to a gallon a day.