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Out of context: Reply #4943
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I definitely hope that the material I'm about to present will open some eyes and minds. First and foremost, Mr. Snuggles's gofers don't represent an ideology. They don't represent a legitimate political group of people. They're just flat garrulous. You've never heard Mr. Snuggles announce that he plans to advocate fatalistic acceptance of a gruesome, piteous new world order? Well, Mr. Snuggles has repeatedly enunciated such a plan, but in his typically convoluted way. I have reason to believe that he is about to demand that Earth submit to the dominion of scary, supercilious bureaucrats. I pray that I'm wrong, of course, because the outcome could be devastating. Nevertheless, the indications are there that what we're involved in with Mr. Snuggles is not a game. It's the most serious possible business, and every serious person -- every person with any shred of a sense of responsibility -- must concern himself with it. For all of the foregoing reasons, I can confidently claim that I despise everything about him. I despise his attempts to make life less pleasant for us. I despise how he insists that his debauches are the result of a high-minded urge to do sociological research. Most of all, I despise his complete obliviousness to the fact that if he isn't subhuman, I don't know who is.
When I hear Mr. Snuggles say that his pranks are all sweetness and light, I have to wonder about him. Is he totally villainous? Is he simply being polyloquent? Or is he merely embracing a delusion in which he must believe in order to continue believing in himself? The most appealing theory has to do with the way that this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact.
Don't kid yourself: When I was younger, I wanted to derail Mr. Snuggles's pouty little schemes. I still want to do that, but now I realize that he's more than scummy. Mr. Snuggles's mega-scummy. In fact, to understand just how scummy he is, you first need to realize that I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how if one could get a Ph.D. in Clericalism, Mr. Snuggles would be the first in line to have one. Mr. Snuggles would have us believe that the average working-class person can't see through his chicanery. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject. The real question here is not, "Does he believe, deep in the adytum of his own mind, that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power?". The real question is rather, "Is he so laughable as to think that this can go on forever?" To help answer that question I will offer a single anecdote. A few weeks ago, I overheard some nerdy schizophrenic tell everyone who passed by that hanging out with mutinous slaves to fashion is a wonderful, culturally enriching experience. Astounded, I asked this person if he realized that I, not being one of the many addlepated dorks of this world, am particularly disgusted by Mr. Snuggles's blind intransigence and utter ingratitude. Not only was his answer "no" but it was also news to him that Mr. Snuggles's statements such as "We can all live together happily without laws, like the members of some 1960s-style dope-smoking commune" indicate that we're not all looking at the same set of facts. Fortunately, these facts are easily verifiable with a trip to the library by any open and honest individual.
Ten years ago, it was treacherous, jaded saboteurs. Today, it's lazy swindlers who operate on a criminal -- as opposed to a civil disobedience -- basis. To those smarmy idiots who think that Mr. Snuggles acts in the public interest, know this: If we don't lend a helping hand right now, then Mr. Snuggles's ravings will soon start to metastasize until they toss sops to the egos of the churlish. It is not news that he is a standard-bearer for the unbearable. What speaks volumes, though, is that after hearing about Mr. Snuggles's pathetic attempts to make our lives miserable, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level. I have a problem with Mr. Snuggles's use of the phrase, "We all know that...". With this phrase, he doesn't need to prove his claim that his coterie is looking out for our interests; he merely accepts it as fact. To put it another way, this is not Nazi Germany or Soviet Russia, where the state would be eager to stifle dissent. Not yet, at least. But if he gets his way, we will soon be engulfed in a Dark Age of phallocentrism and indescribable horror. That's why I'm telling you that my position is that there doesn't seem to be much we can do about this. He, in contrast, argues that the only way to expand one's mind is with drugs -- or maybe even chocolate. This disagreement merely scratches the surface of the ideological chasm festering between me and Mr. Snuggles. The only rational way to bridge this chasm is for him to admit that I feel no more personal hatred for him than I might feel for a herd of wild animals or a cluster of poisonous reptiles. One does not hate those whose souls can exude no spiritual warmth; one pities them.
There is no inconsistency here; this is a free country, and I assert we ought to keep it that way. That's a very important point; Mr. Snuggles uses the word "ultramicrochemistry" without ever having taken the time to look it up in the dictionary. People who are too lazy to get their basic terms right should be ignored, not debated. He has never tried to stop vile, grumpy nudniks who produce culturally degenerate films and tapes. In fact, quite the opposite is true: Mr. Snuggles encourages that sort of behavior. To recap the main points made in this letter: 1) Mr. Snuggles has never been accused of objectivity, 2) Mr. Snuggles's mandarin prose has always appealed to the most wicked schmucks you'll ever see, and 3) Mr. Snuggles has an almost mystical faith in Trotskyism.