PVN Anthology IV
Out of context: Reply #284
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- paraselene0
why vespa is the queen of all she surveys:
vespa, please tell me a bedtime story.
Jaline
(Mar 8 06, 06:28)once upon a time there was a little girl called Jaline who drank too much. milk.
cartons of the stuff. never a moment passed when she wasn't necking a bottle of cow juice, or planning her next dairy acquisition.
it became an obsession, a way of measuring time. days didn't pass, they were collated by the sound of empty glass bottles clinking together in the endless recycling crates her local council supplied: an optimistic attempt to regulate the little girl's lactic intake or at least to keep track of it (because if you can't control something then at least by documenting it in word one can prevent Armageddon from descending).
one day Jaline's mother attempted to substitute her lunchtime milk carton with a chocolate flavoured soya drink.
bovines across the nation held their collective breath. cud was chewed more slowly and moos stifled as the commercial impact of jaline's potential soya conversion was risk-assessed.
Jaline too appeared to be holding her breath. or at least her cheeks were expanding. then her stomach grew and her chest puffed out and her eyes bulged.
Jaline's mother was a nurse and she knew immediately that Jaline was displaying rare symptoms of a potentially fatal inverse lactose intolerance, and that unless she was able to release the pressure buildup, Jaline would explode like so many bottles of champagne forgotten in the freezer by foolish and impatient party goers.
In a frenzy she fed jaline charcoal and flat ginger ale but it was too late.
Aware of her impending doom, Jaline opened the door and barreled down the street in a misguided attempt to save her mother from the indignity of cleaning pieces of exploded jaline-brain from the palour, but as bad luck would have it the day was extremely windy and the inflated blimp that used to be Jaline was picked up by a heavy gust where she combusted over the city, pieces of her knickers landed on every household in a smothering glutinous mess of human treacle rending the entire city uninhabitable to this day.
If only they had let Jaline drink milk.
vespa
(Mar 8 06, 07:11)