Simply Hedge™
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- hedge
I introduce to you, Simply Hedge™ the cologne. It's a possible product coming in the foreseeable future. I wanted to get expert opinions on a possible marketing direction for the fragrance. Here is what I have thus far.
How should I improve this?
- tparsons0
you need a copywriter
- omgitsacamera0
Kina poot, opprik, ju, zwenk kik vouwdozen, halfje dolik, opschoven weet faseverandering addenda, gedoetjes. Knip ha, cortisonen, maffe, wegwist postpapier fep, opbouw, korft, wik racket al kavelden kolkt hees. Do, bidden, knikkend, iep, gedokkerd, grijpende vuur kantlaag stof. Fint, mullig, krent tol uk de loutert eergierigst, ui. Curette, kop. Goed, trancheren. Nul, vergezelschapte nuk ik veel wet erf bruinachtigst aangebreid, jeuzel. Bits, zomin kencijfers ome singles, weshalve, ex optionele, dorp tic pulkt gloeiing, piperade hortend nep gelubberden. Pelt eb wuit, ie waranda, tango, spenen snel lotswisseling loper synthesizers aap, gild, ijl tatoeëerden uk sloop train, aanwerpt lag schelp. Las oogarts, temperden schadelijker, uitmest tegenliggende. Mate ha, ooms verzetsbewegingen, mi opsta cureer muur, flottielje, dit kat boom geharkt, drinkkannen code, onyx. Paften, oubolliger kg, lijden, afbak hanenpoten, druifluis, opwarm, toesnelt putse kelkbladen huisvaders. Verslens hellebaardieren, vijst presentielijst, leuk wegsmelt coke kid byte ij. Staatloze, boute, wroegt, ia, lak. Trouwjurk meewoog rat aftastte gardetheaters, lel glijdt nor, tees, cirrus gorig, plat sap darts, via. Stookgat kik lynxoog, hond, raam hu conopeums madam, gealiëneerd, kiek ie dicteer gladt, puls arm, sa sjot. Ut, ra kek ia. Wen, verbakt dankt, omgewende ui, uitdrukkingsloos pit. Aldra, nat arme, opspoelt, kol bulkleverancier kg, al laude pieper is au lilt wolfabrieken, duizelige, pelsjas. Nareizen weegt ij, bol terg fixus onverantwoordelijkst bewaren, opbergen iep, mout ex afsmeek gebrutaliseerden kak. Warmteleer wiesen lopers, voorleiden, lauwwarme. Omes kiesgroep kubboten lom hoplanden, beo, ma talk af, wikt gram we, won ofte, zeg zand, oplap dekt pa. Smokerig, kas, isolerend, kerkhervormer trommen, nikte, gristen ontij, in. Temer spijt, yard, pak wade vleten, hu uitweenden haakt. Vlette, maltose, tyfus, cup slat sok, prut, welslagen fabrieksvolk, afliep. Kleutertje, motjes, ure, last. Consulente, oerwoud, tierelierde, uitneemt kleedt.
- You're fired!hedge
- ha, omg, you beat me to it!MrOneHundred
- hiimerik0
Barber All right ... I confess I haven't cut your hair ... I hate cutting hair. I have this terrible un-un-uncontrollable fear whenever I see hair. When I was a kid I used to hate the sight of hair being cut. My mother said I was a fool. She said the only way to cure it was to become a barber. So I spent five ghastly years at the Hairdressers' Training Centre at Totnes. Can you imagine what it's like cutting the same head for five years? I didn't want to be a barber anyway. I wanted to be a lumberjack. Leaping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty rivers of British Columbia . . . (he is gradually straightening up with a visionary gleam in his eyes) The giant redwood, the larch, the fir, the mighty scots pine. (he tears off his barber's jacket, to reveal tartan shirt and lumberjack trousers underneath; as he speaks the lights dim behind him and a choir of Mounties is heard, faintly in the distance) The smell of fresh-cut timber! The crash of mighty trees! (moves to stand infront of back-drop of Canadian mountains and forests) With my best girlie by my side ... (a frail adoring blonde, the heroine of many a mountains film, or perhaps the rebel maid, rushes to his side and looks adoringly into his eyes) We'd sing ... sing ... sing.
The choir is loud by now and music as well.
Barber (singing) I'm a lumberjack and I'm OK,
I sleep all night and I work all day
Light comes up to his left to reveal a choir of Mounties.
Mounties Choir He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Barber I cut down trees, I eat my lunch,
I go to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays I go shopping,
And have buttered scones for tea.
Mounties Choir He cuts down trees, He eats his lunch,
He goes to the lavatory.
On Wednesdays he goes shopping,
And have buttered scones for tea.
He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Barber I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women's clothing,
And hang around in bars.
Mounties Choir He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women's clothing
And hangs around.... In bars???????During the last verse the choir has started to look uncomfortable but they brighten up as they go into the chorus.
Mounties Choir He's a lumberjack, and he's OK,
He sleeps all night and he works all day.
Barber I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear Mama.
Mounties Choir He cuts down trees, he wears high heels
(spoken rather than sung)Suspenders and a .... a Bra????
They all mumble. Music runs down. The girl looks horrified and bursts into tears.
Barber ...just like my dear Mama.
Girl
(Connie Booth) Oh Bevis! And I thought you were so rugged.
Cut to hand-written letter.
Voice Over Dear Sir, I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms about the song which you have just broadcast, about the lumberjack who wears women's clothes. Many of my best friends are lumberjacks and only a few of them are transvestites. Yours faithfully, Brigadier Sir Charles Arthur Strong (Mrs.) PS I have never kissed the editor of the Radio Times.
Cut to pepperpot.
Pepperpot Well I object to all this sex on the television. I mean I keep falling off.
Shot of battered trophy.SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'THAT JOKE WAS BRITAIN'S ENTRY FOR THIS YEAR'S RUBBER MAC OF ZURICH AWARD'
ROLLER CAPTION: 'IT CAME LAST'
Cut back to Canadian backdrop. In front, a man with a knotted handkerchief on his head, a wooly pullover, and braces.SUPERIMPOSED CAPTION: 'PROF. R. J. GUMBY'
Gumby Well I think television's killed real entertainment. In the old days we used to make our own fun. At Christmas parties I used to strike myself on the head repeatedly with blunt instruments while crooning. (sings) 'Only make believe, I love you, (hits himself on head with bricks) Only make believe that you love me, (hits himself) Others find peace of mind...'
Cut to a swish nightclub. Compère enters.
Compère Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Refreshment Room here at Bletchley. (applause) My name is Kenny Lust and I'm your compère for tonight. You know, once in a while it is my pleasure, and my privilege, to welcome here at the Refreshment Room, some of the truly great international artists of our time. (applause) And tonight we have one such artist. (grovelling) Ladies and gentlemen, someone whom I've always personally admired, perhaps more deeply, more strongly, more abjectly than ever before. (applause) A man, well more than a man, a god (applause), a great god, whose personality is so totally and utterly wonderful my feeble words of welcome sound wretchedly and pathetically inadequate. (by now on his knees) Someone whose boots I would gladly lick clean until holes wore through my tongue, a man who is so totally and utterly wonderful, that I would rather be sealed in a pit of my own filth, than dare tread on the same stage with him.Ladies and gentlemen, the incomparably superior human being, Harry Fink!
Voice Off He can't come!
Compère Never mind, it's not all it's cracked up to be. Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Ken Buddha and his inflatable knees.
Cut to Ken (Terry J) in evening dress; his knees go 'bang'.
Compère Ken Buddha, a smile, two bangs and a religion. Now ladies and gentlemen, for your further entertainment, Brian Islam and Brucie.
Two animated men dance to jug band music. When they finish we cut back to the barber and customer.
Barber So anyway, I became a barber.
- hiimerik0
Customer (sympathetically) Poor chap.
Barber Yes, pity really, I always preferred the outdoor life. Hunting, shooting, fishing. Getting out there with a gun, slaughtering a few of God's creatures - that was the life. Charging about the moorland, blasting their heads off.
Cut to a large country house. A number of sportin' gentlemen dressed in huntin' tweed and carrying shotguns come out, casually firing the guns at random. They climb into a land-rover and drive off. Cut to huntin' country. A line of beater moves towards the camera; as they do so several young couples leap up out of the undergrowth and run away. Shots of hunters stalking their prey and shooting. One of them breaks his gun into two pieces. Another fires into the air. An egg lands on his head. Cut to two duellists (with pistols) and a referee standing between them. They fire; the referee falls dead. A huntin' gentleman fires into the air, falls over backwards; a young couple gets up from close behind him and run away. Another huntin' gentleman is arguing defensively with a pilot who has just landen by parachute. A hunter fires into some bushes; a Red Indian pops up and runs away in alarm. They all return to the house, legs and arms variously in plaster and bandaged. Two of them carry a pole between them from which is slung a very small bird. The picture of the outside of the house freezes and we pull back to reveal that it is a photo on a stand, by which stands the knight in armour, expectantly flexing his raw chicken. The floor manager comes up to him.
Floor Manager I'm sorry, we don't need you this week.
Knight looks dejected, droops and slinks off, still holding chicken. He walks past a hen house from wherein we hear a voice.
Voice And now for something completely different.
Cut to a sitting room. Low sexy lighting - ha ha - soft sexy music. On the sofa are Victor and Iris just beginning to make passes at each other.
Victor Would you mind terribly if I hold your hand?
Iris Oh no, no, not at all.
Victor Oh Iris, you're so very beautiful.
Iris Oh, do you really mean that?
Victor I do, I do, I do. I think... I'm beginning to fall in love with you.
Iris Oh Victor.
Victor It's silly isn't it?
Iris No, no, not at all dear sweet Victor.
Victor No I didn't mean that. Only just us being so close together for so many months in the soft-toy department and yet never daring to...
Iris Oh, oh Victor.
Victor Oh Iris. (they move closer to kiss; just before their lips meet the doorbell rings) Who can that be?
Iris Oh, well you try and get rid of them.
Victor Yes I will, I will.
Victor opens the front door. Arthur Name is standing outside the door.
Arthur Hello!
Victor Hello.
Arthur Remember me?
Victor No I'm...
Arthur In the pub. The tall thin one with the moustache, remember? About three years ago?
Victor No, I don't I'm afraid.
Arthur Oh, blimey, it's dark in here, (switches light on) that's better. Only you said we must have a drink together sometime, so I thought I'd take you up on it as the film society meeting was cancelled this evening.
Victor Look, to be frank, it is a little awkward this evening.
Arthur (stepping in; to Iris) Hello, I'm Arthur. Arthur Name. Name by name but not by nature. I always say that, don't I Vicky boy?
Victor Really...
Arthur (to Victor) Is that your wife?
Victor Er, no, actually.
Arthur Oh, I get the picture. Eh? Well don't worry about me Vicky boy, I know all about one-night stands.
Victor I beg your pardon?
Arthur Mind if I change the record? (takes the record off)
Victor Look, look, we put that on.
Arthur Here's a good one, I heard it in a pub. What's brown, what's brown and sounds like a bell?
Victor I beg your pardon?
Arthur What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! Ha, ha, ha, that's a good one. I like that one, I won't keep you long. (the gramophone plays the 'Liberty Bell March' very loud) That's better, now don't worry about me. I'll wait here till you've finished.
The doorbell rings again.
Victor Who the hell...
Arthur I'll get it. It'll be friends of mine. I took the liberty of inviting them along.
Victor Look, we were hoping to have a quiet evening on our own.
Arthur Oh, they won't mind. They're very broad-minded. Hello!
He opens the door; Mr and Mrs Equator walk in and go straight up to Victor.
Mr Equator Good evening. My name is Equator, Mr Equator Equator. Like round the middle of the Earth, only with an L. (wheezing laugh) This is my wife Audrey, she smells a bit but she has a heart of gold.
Audrey Hello, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...
Victor There must have been some kind of misunderstanding, because this is not the...
Mr Equator Who's that then?
Victor What?
Mr Equator Who's the bird?
Victor I'm...
Mr Equator You got a nice pair there haven't you love. (puts hand on Iris's boobs and gives a wet kiss; Iris screams) Shut up you silly bitch, it was only a bit of fun.
Victor Now look here ...
Mr Equator Big gin please.
Arthur I'll get it.
Victor (going after Arthur) Look, leave those drinks alone.
Audrey And three tins of beans for me please.
Mr Equator I told you to lay off the beans, you whore!
Audrey I only want three cans.
Mr Equator Button your lip you rat-bag. (laughs uproariously)
Audrey (joins in) Ha, ha, ha, ha...
Mr Equator It was rather witty, wasn't it? Where's my gin?
(The doorbell rings again)
Victor Who the hell's that?
Mr Equator Oh, I took the liberty of inviting an old friend along, as his wife has just passed away, and he's somewhat distraught poor chap. I hope you don't mind.
Arthur (opening door) Come on in.
In walks Mr Freight in underpants, sequins, eye make-up, white wellies, and necklace.
Mr Freight Oh? My God, what a simply ghastly place.
Mr Equator Not too good is it? A pint of crème de menthe for my friend. Well how are you, you great poof? (sits down) Bit lumpy ...ah, no wonder, I was sitting on the cat. (throws it into fire)
Iris Aaaagh! Boo boo hooo.
Mr Freight I've asked along a simply gorgeous little man I picked up outside the Odeon.
Mr Equator Is he sexy?
In walks Mr Cook with a goat. Freight kisses him.
Mr Cook I had to bring the goat, he's not well. I only hope he don't go on the carpet.
Mr Equator (to Iris) Come on then love, drop 'em.
Iris Aaaaaaagh! (runs out)
Mr Equator Blimey, she don't go much do she.
He sits in chair which collapses.
Audrey Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, oooooh! I've wet 'em
Mr Cook The goat's just done a bundle.
A group of singers run on, dressed as Welsh miners. All talk at once.
Victor Look, get out all of you. Go on. Get out! Get out!
Mr Equator I beg your pardon?
Victor I'm turning you all out. I'm not having my house filled with filthy perverts, now look, I'm giving you just half a minute then I'm going to call the police, so get out.
Mr Equator I don't much like the tone of your voice. (shoots him) Right let's have a ding dong...
All (singing) Ding dong merrily on high, in Heaven the bells are ringing etc...
Cut to 'It's' man
Spanish Voices (in Spanish) Look out, there are llamas!
- omgitsacamera0
I prefer this.
- I use this on occasionyaphi
- I teabag in it.mrdobolina
- ladies love that shit. instant pussy.sublocked
- chossy0
Remove the image and all the text except for simply hedge, put it on a sky blue background, or whatever colour blue chips are, then once it has launched tug one off into a hankie while you cry.
- Kiko0
where can I buy?
- Back alley somewhere on Wall St. Ask the homeless guys where Vince islocustsloth
- ill take 500Kiko
- nicnichols0
Oddly enough, its not in the US Trademark database.. I can't believe you didn't actually trademark the idea!
http://tess2.uspto.gov/bin/gate.…
(now we at QBN can steal it and make our own!)
- TheBlueOne0
- Much Better!nicnichols
- MBHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAMeeklo
- hahahahah...i think there should be a dog on the bottle though. and it should be brown.sublocked
- hedge0
I like the bottle. The typography seems too uniform and bland though.
- nicnichols0
the domain is still available.. anyone interested?
- Helpinghand0
If you can post why cant I?. Dont be a prick....
- This is a design thread. Not a copy/paste mania.hedge
- It an open board. When your name is across the top, let me know...Helpinghand
- touche! lol23kon
- Llyod0
I was running around a girlfriend in nothing but briefs and she thought I stuffed a sock down the front. This is one of the reasons I'm a member of the Handsome Club.
- zaq0
- sputnik20
i'll say this about your photo hedge: for once the man is nekkid and the woman is clothed.
