so many ways
- Started
- Last post
- 15 Responses
- kingjulien
warning: it's long
----------------------------A student approached me one morning after class. Evidently his dad was a highway patrol officer, and he needed some volunteers for a DUI training course they were giving new recruits. Basically the job was to get drunk and take some field sobriety exams. This kid, Shawn, had been in my class the previous semester, so I knew him well, and he was cool as f*ck, so I said hey, why not, it might be cool, and who knows? Maybe I could write a story about it later.
The following afternoon a cop picked me up. Phylis, the crazy cat woman across the street , shook her head when she saw me in the backseat (for years she had predicted this would be my fate). I was then taken to a giant warehouse in the ghetto. When we entered the room there was this makeshift bar in the corner with five officers pouring drinks. There was every kind of liquor imaginable on the counter. My student was already there with four girls, two of whom he was dating. They were nectars. Next to us were four dirtheads (from a local speed metal band)--one of them a spitting image of Jay from Clerks (when I asked where Silent Bob was later he didn't find it amusing). There was pizza everywhere. On the big screen TV in the center of the room Friday played. When I walked in Smokey was telling DJ Pooh he got knocked the f*ck out. Needless to say, the whole vibe was surreal.
Over the next two hours we drank. A lot. Two other dudes showed up, big old biscuits and gravy offensive lineman in flannel shirts, which added to the shit-talking, along with the pressure to keep up. I'm a little guy but my pride tends to think I can drink with the best. Sometimes--especially when surrounded by Paul Bunyons-- this can be a problem.
Every fifteen minutes they checked our blood alcohol level. Then we would slam as much Vodka as we could before the next test. When I had to use the facilities, an officer came with me for insurance reasons, which was kind of awkward (they didn't want us to fall and then sue them for getting us wasted).
We were then brought into another room, and team by team, the officers asked questions and had us walk the line and touch our noses. The eyeball test got me each time, although I failed every test equally. When they told me which way to turn I did the opposite and then argued. At one point my eyes were bouncing so wild they called every trainee over and pointed and laughed. Even then I was defiant.
At the end of the exam, they guessed my alcohol level. Of the four teams that rotated in, they all were pretty close to what I officially tested at, which was .19
The cops then drove me home. In the back seat I commiserated with Jay, who confessed he was stoned--to the officer's amusement. At one point the cop started tailing some guy for a few miles, just to entertain us, and because we were all drunk it was funny, but really, it was messed up, and it probably gave the driver quite a scare.
The next morning I was sick. In class I wore a hat down over my eyes and drank water non-stop. We watched a movie that day, thank god, and afterwards my friend told me his dad and the gang couldn't stop laughing at the nonsense I uttered. I tried to take this as a compliment, but it didn't work.
The scary thing is that I've driven lots of times that hammered and really had no idea. Sometimes you get that feeling, all testerone and liquor, and you don't want to listen to anybody, and it's that one bad decision that ruins everything.
I'd like to think I've learned something since then.
In time, I guess, we'll see.
- ********0
summerize it please
- kingjulien0
it helps when you're trying to be clever to spell "summarize" correctly.
- ********0
he got drunk
- ********0
it helps when you're trying to be clever to spell "summarize" correctly.
kingjulien
(Jun 26 05, 20:55)i wasnt trying to be clever. i just dont wanna read a long story. just laziness
- kingjulien0
how about this for a revelation: just don't read it then.
that's kinda why the warning is at the top.
- ********0
just read it FUCKO Bald, its okay and well worth it
- PonyBoy0
Enter response:
kingJ - read and record that shit - post an mp3... otherwise... it's sunday night and I'm just too damn busy being lazy to read all that.
- ********0
o how clever.
so why dont you post your long story some where else, where there is a bigger area to read a long ass story.
notice how small the display area is?
- ********0
kj = post = well worth it?
that is just not possible
- ********0
o one more thing
jackass
- sherman0
I gotta get out more...great story!!
- kingjulien0
mrdinky, how about this: because i felt like posting it here...and because perhaps somebody else besides your lazy gay ass might enjoy it, so quit being so crabby and move on to other things....
you act like you're the gatekeeper of nt or something, and it's so retarded.
- quamb0
sounds like fun! except for the next day- arggh. ace story
- ********0
no actually, i am just here to screw with you thats all
here is a relvelation: heard of ignore?
- lvl_130
"entered the room there was this makeshift bar in the corner with five officers pouring drinks"
hahaha that does sound surreal.