Something too personal.
Out of context: Reply #50
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- mikotondria30
As Shakespeare put it in King Lear, the policeman who lashes the whore has a hot need to use her for the very offense for which he plies the lash.”
The whore in your case is alcohol, and the freedom from the responsibility to live up to the standards and ideals lovingly foisted on you during your wonderful upbringing, of which you are unjustly proud, and that yet did not teach you either compassion or more importantly emotional expression.
Get some therapy before you kill someone, including mostly yourself.
I joke.
No, seriously, you're struggling with this anger and fixating on something that gives other people freedom to be emotional and that apparently side-steps the usual social costs of free emotional expression. Which is what part of you desperately needs, but another part of you believes this is impossible and would violate those values that you believe comprise a large, and noble, part of your identity. It doesn't, and you'll be fine. Find a clever, qualified person you trust to talk to about what happened to you between the ages of 8 and 15. It'll be awkward, you'll cry, and argue, but you need to.
I wish you all the best. Write back again after you've got help.
Don't give in and go out and get drunk, it won't help.