Relationship Question
Out of context: Reply #79
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- d_rek0
MondoMorphic,
I feel as if i've recently happened upon simliar circumstance, although we have not been together for nearly as long and are about a decade younger.
Anyway, i've been seeing this girl for about 4 months now. It didn't become real steady until the last month and a half. At first I just looked at is as having fun and we both agreed that's what it was - but now we've been seeing a lot more of eachother and we both have found ourselves really caring for eachother and wanting to be together. However...
She still has an ex in her life as well - someone she was with a long-term relationship with (about 3 years) and has been having problems letting go. She was still 'hanging' out with him but she assures me that there is no love there and definitely nothing sexual - to which i believe simply because of the amount of time spend together and way we are with eachother. The problem is is that the ex is basically a class-5 clinger and a psycho and is really saying and doing everything in the name of love to keep her around. Up until last week she was still talking to him and had even gone out with him. Which.. I hadn't previously had a problem with - i understand how ex situations could be and to be honest was not really threatened by the guy. Until...
Until she lied to me about who she was with. I was at work and called her on my lunch just to casually say hi. She immediately threw caution to the wind by being short with me and sounding very distracted. Needless to say I found out that she was with him and was very upset. Not because she was with him - but because she had lied to me.
So we've had a few heavy discussions since then. She said that because she has been having feelings for me that she didn't want to hurt me and knows that i don't like it when shes with him. Which I understand but she didn't understand that being dishonest is not the way to go about not hurting me. And i don't beleive she has lied to me before about it because she has always told me that she was with him. So after talking i made it clear to her that lying to me about who shes with doesnt help anything and even though i might not like that shes with him its better to be honest with me than to lie to me.
Anyway, to wrap this up we have been communicating with eachother very well right along. And that's really essential to a healthly relationship. She can be honest with me and I can be honest with her. It's really what it's all about. If you can't trust someone then you will always be left wondering what that person is doing, who they're talking to and so on and so forth and you will just end up beating the piss out of yourself emotionally.
I know this post was more for myself than you.. which is fine because it's helping me to gain closure for my situation. But I wish you the best of luck. Hopefully you will be able to pull some insight out of the above and use it to your advantage. All I can really say is that follow your heart and trust your instinct.
- I don't think I've ever dated someone for four months let alone could write four paragraphs about them.flavorful
- You sound like you need to start a diarykalkal
- tells you how much this bothered me and how much I care about her then, eh?d_rek
- so when your girl goes out with her ex while youre not around, what do they do??? they have dinner? sex?iCanHazQBN
- No, it should tell you thatkalkal
- I only read to the first real paragraph to be honest, but I think Jaline may be a 5 paragrapher.flavorful
- nah, i'm not worried about it because it's not worth beating myself up over.d_rek
- Pffft ... you bypass dinner at that point. Plus I call it supper. Decided to throw that in there because I'm tryingflavorful
- to bring that phrase back.flavorful
- well it doesn't. what do they do together while the current BF is not around? seems weird.iCanHazQBN
- Again, haven't read past the first paragraph.flavorful
- I'd be nice to hear from a girl on this one.. girls you know how you are with EX's...d_rek
- ICanHaz, i'm not saying it isn't weird and that it doesn't bother med_rek
- And it's not as if she's seeing him on a regular basis... but hes one of those types where he is saying all the right thingsd_rek
- because he knows her and is just trying to reel her back in and maybe she's not independant enough to know betterd_rek
- yet anyway, but that still doesnt change the way we feel about eachotherd_rek
- epic commentsd_rek
- How old are you, because I have a theory.flavorful
- haha, 25? This is fun.d_rek
- Yes. 25...!!!!!!!d_rek
- interesting. if i had a GF, i dont know that i'd be able to trust her seeing her ex when i'm not around.iCanHazQBN
- My theory is, girls with dudes when they turn 18 - they always have something for them.flavorful
- That being said, I only talk to 18 year olds.flavorful
- What?!flavorful
- i dont understand your theory!iCanHazQBN
- No one understood Einstein's multiples either.flavorful
- I'm not saying I'm Einstein. I just also failed math at a young age.flavorful