Relationship Question
- Started
- Last post
- 141 Responses
- MondoMorphic
OK, I have a question for all the fine folks here.
I am in a relationship with a woman and we're having some problems, so I am asking myself the eternal question, "should I stay or should I go?"
She is beautiful and we have a good time together, but we are different in some rather significant ways. We don't communicate very well, there have been times in which she's been deceptive (which has created some trust issues), she's a little more independent than what I think is healthy, and she has a rather cavalier attitude towards our relationship. Some of this stuff wouldn't be a big deal if we were just "having fun," but the fact is that we've talked about marriage and children. We love each other but I realize that sometimes, love isn't enough.
So, what do you folks think? Thoughts? Advice? I realize I am opening myself up to all sorts of shots posting this here, but I thought I might benefit from asking the opinion of some thoughtful, intelligent people. So, if you don't mind, please keep the shtick to a minimum.
- univers0
Any Pics?
- beat me to it.iCanHazQBN
- It was my opportunity to fame.. So I acted quick.univers
- hahaJuan_Dumplo
- Amicus0
how long has it been... it can take a while to learn each others communication styles...
- yes. you might have to bark at her.iCanHazQBN
- X2 Ammoldero
- visionary0
So you're asking a bunch of emotional retards advice on your relationship?
- Melanie0
How deceptive?
- iCanHazQBN0
hey melanie, you got a boyfriend?
- im lookin for a girl to spend my life with.iCanHazQBN
- Dr. Tiki
http://www.tikibartv…Melanie
- MondoMorphic0
Oh sorry. We've been together for about 10 months and living together for the last 4.
As far as communication styles, she is the stereotypical "man" in that she's not very open or communicative. She's fine when we're talking about light, superficial stuff, but when it's time to address something serious, she doesn't like to. She would much rather not talk about the serious stuff and just assume everything is going to be ok.
- visionary0
Spank her.
- hiiee0
What does your gut feeling? If you have doubts, talk them through with your partner. If you cant communicate well, that's gonna be a huge problem later in life. When the good looks and the passion is gone... marriage is about companionship, life long partner... being there for each other for better or for worst... for me I see communication a big thing...
What do you mean by being more independent than what you think is healthy? Are you being too attached to her? or you think she doesn't spend enough time with you? what is it?
- kalkal0
Show her how much this means to her by emailing the link to this thread
- MondoMorphic0
The deception ranges in seriousness or severity.
There is benign stuff like not mentioning that she has $90K of credit card debt while we are talking about our future, plans to buy a home, and that sort of thing.
Hiding phone texts so I don't see who they're from (generally an ex boyfriend who is still in-love with her).
Not mentioning that she was working out at the gym with the same ex boyfriend.
Grabbing the ass of a guy near her at a club (while I am watching) and then not being able to remember that it happened.
Does that paint a picture?
- Since you know her better than we do (I hope so), do you think she is still in love with her ex? or they are just Really good buddies? and are you the jealous type?hiiee
- good buddies? or you are the jealous type so she hides these things from you?hiiee
- $90K in credit card debt!! Is she Elizabeth Taylor?boobs
- hmmm, end it now, save some money, time and pain. She is 'that' type of girl...OSFA
- 90k on credit cards? fucking RUN!!!
that's half yours when you get married.monNom - walk!FallowDeer
- Amicus0
Sounds like she has some growing to do. Also, I forgot to ask your ages, cause if you are under 25 then you probably both will change a fair amount still and you might go in opposite directions or grow closer. Too hard to tell without knowing you both.
- utopian0
Please log onto www.drphil.com for relationship questions
- gevitron0
you have fear of lose, she has fear of rejection.
Meaning, you're scared emotionally of letting go.
She want's to go, but doesn't want to be alone.
And you guys both blaim each other for how you make the other one feel.
Good luck! Life is suffering.
- Amicus0
oops. posted too soon.
Dump her.
$90k of credit card debt is a major sign that other things are wrong...
- univers0
Man that sounds nasty and unfair. I wouldn't stick around.
- MondoMorphic0
That's a great point, hiiee, and I feel the same way. My gut feeling isn't a good one.
She has a failed marriage because she was too independent and refused to communicate. Her and her ex did their own things. She spent time with her own friends, went on girls trips, snowboarding trips, and that sort of thing...and surprisingly enough, her and her ex husband grew apart and eventually split up.
Part of what scares me is that I can't see us NOT going down a similar path.
- visionary0
90k? ex bf? dump her
- hiiee0
well I think you have answered your own questions. You knew all along and just needed someone else to tell you "let her go".... sorry mate...
- MondoMorphic0
Amicus - we are both 35 years old. Born in the same month, on the same day, in the same year...within about an hour of each other.
hiiee - no, I don't think she loves this ex...not in a romantic way at least. The point is that by hiding this stuff from me, it shows she's capable of doing so...of hiding other things.
- coincidences alone don't make for great relationshipsAmicus
- kalkal0
I have a couple of friends (which happen to be in a relationship) where one half is very dependent and the other is independant. They manage to get along just fine but they communicate well too, talk about things and make time for each other as well as time apart...