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Graduate portfolio crit 1818 Responses
Last post: 1 year, 9 months ago | Thread started: Jul 31, 10, 6:30 a.m.
- onewhoslaps
get rid of all the nonsense copy.
"I feel I’ve grown quite a bit during my 3 years at the school, but at the same time I’m really looking forward to see if what I’ve learned holds up out there in the real world™."
as an employer this sentence would make me think i might have to change your diaper if i hire you.
overall the logo and the site very video gamey.
the work is pretty solid.
- Dog-earJul 31, 10, 9:41 a.m. – Permalink
- grafisk
"The site hasn't been checked in Internet explorer or on iphone / ipad yet (haven't got em). So it may very well look bad on those, I really don't know yet. "
Makes you sound unprofessional, and cocky, not a good thing. Say less, and let your work do the talking.
- Dog-earJul 31, 10, 10:21 a.m. – Permalink
- monNom
I'd lose the homepage and go direct to the work.
I really liked your kaos pilot identity work, though I think you should start the page with your work to set the right tone (for those of us that don't read unless the pictures look good), then step back and go through the history or the brand.
The wing-one series could be reorganized for better impact, the campaign at the bottom caught my attention more than the photo treatments you've lead with.
Gloria should lead with the photo of the blurry cyclist so we all know what we're looking at.
Also really like your cut/copy/paste series.
Other stuff doesn't seem to be at the same caliber, I'd edit down to the above plus maybe 1 or 2 more if they've got a great story attached to them.
Great format
- Dog-earJul 31, 10, 10:22 a.m. – Permalink
- ukit
Like others said, you should probably proofread the entire site. This page, the only one I looked at, had a misspelling or grammatical mistake in every sentence:
Twice a year The Danish Air Force HOSTS an event that shows possible applicants WHAT life is like in the air force. It was FOR this event that we were to redesign and showcase the 4 possible paths.
It is widely KNOWN how hard it is to become a fighter pilot. We wanted to make this be KNOWN for the whole air force, no matter WHICH part of it you applied for. (delete semicolon) The air force only takes the very best.
=
- Dog-earJul 31, 10, 2:31 p.m. – Permalink
- hellojeehae
i think first page should be your portfolio page. I dont think you will need an update page ( homepage )
I love your work and how you are presenting it. looks great!
My fav would be WING_ONE 10 and KaosPilot- Dog-earJul 31, 10, 3:37 p.m. – Permalink
- ukit
You have some really great work in there for sure, and I do like the piece by piece presentation style. I love it when people show parts of their work like this and also the thought process.
As far as suggestions, I guess I'm nitpicking here but I can't help wonder what it would look like with a more minimal aesthetic and drop the logo. It feels a little overdone for a personal portfolio. Also on some of the pieces, while like I said I like the collage style, I felt like the first thing I see is not the strongest part of it.
On the Air Force piece for instance the illustrations are prominent, which IMO are less impressive than the ads at the bottom of the page. On KaosPilot you put the older piece first which is a little confusing - someone quickly scanning the page might confuse that for your own work. I would lead with the main, "final product" of the piece each time, and then perhaps start from the beginning, so that people can both quickly scan the pages and get the step by step story aspect of it.
- Dog-earJul 31, 10, 4:26 p.m. – Permalink
- Nutter
I've made some changes based on the feedback I've gotten so far.
@monNom
Lost the frontpage and changed the top of the KaosPilot project so visitors won't get confused. Will look more into how the Wing and Gloria projects are presented.@fredddddd
Changed the "If you want to know more or god forbid, have some work for me" text, good call.@onewhoslaps
Edited the about text so it hopefully contains less nonsense.@johanito
fixed cut copy paste text, thanks for spotting it.@ukit
fixed Gloria top banner error and the Wing text, much appreciated.So again thanks and please let me know if you find anything else. I'm also getting some friends to help catch gramatical errors as it seems to be the biggest/most widespread problem.
- Dog-earAug 2, 10, 7:55 a.m. – Permalink
