Gwar
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THE EPIC TALE OF GWAR
Eons ago, there existed an elite group of chaos warriors who ravaged the galaxy with a boundless hatred of all things alive. They were called the Scumdogs of the Universe, and they grew in might and fury, the greatest weapon in the arsenal of their cosmic Master.
But they became too powerful, and too defiant, and for their cosmic crimes were banished to the most insignificant planet in the universe...the seething mudball known as Earth.
Millions of years passed, and they slumbered, until the pollution of your world de-thawed these creatures from their ageless coma...and now they stride the Earth, living gods, dedicated to one goal, the destruction of the human race, and the eradication of existence itself! Wait- that’s two goals!
Hark to the hideous majesty of your MASTERS, rulers of Earth, the MIGHTY GWAR!!!
It is I, ODERUS URUNGUS, lead singer of the sickest band in metal history, Earth’s only openly extra-terrestrial rock band, and the destined destroyers of not only the human race but also reality itself. GWAR! Hulking, heaving, dribbling WAR-GOD’s who like nothing better than putting hordes of our sniveling fans to the sword while playing the marauding mutant metal that we are famous for! Star’s of stage and screen, carvers of stem and spleen! GWAR LIVES!Vocals: ODERUS URUNGUS – GWAR’s supposed “leader”, the size of my ego is matched only by the heft of my broadsword, and the girth of my Cuttlefish!!
Guitar: BALSAC THE JAWS OF DEATH — The most cultured of the group, this bear-trap jawed monstrosity is rumored to have a scrotum for a face.
Guitar : FLATTUS MAXIMUS — This gassy disaster slaughters thousands with his shredding solo’s and reeking flatulence. Eats only vegatarians.
Drums : JIZMAK DA GUSHA—Dog-headed Jizmak is the most obnoxious GWAR-rior and delights in the pounding of all things, including himself! Hails from The Wide World of Sports.
Bass: BEEFCAKE THE MIGHTY— Immensely angry and immeasurably violent, Beefcake is, quite simply, a sexual god.
- rson0
ok?
- Mimio0
"oh fuck! tha Cuttlefish of Cthulhu!!?!"
- Mimio0
Slaughterama
With a battle cry go forth which is
"Give the people what they want."
And what the people want could only be the senseless slaughter
of the gutter-slime that litters this nation for cash and prizes.
Yes, this is the show where people bet their lives to win something big.
Cause when your life is shit, then you haven't got much to lose on
Slaughterama!
This next geek is guilty of the following:
A Grateful Dead life for which he's been allowing.
Tried to tell us "Give peace a chance."
Met the National Guard and he shit in his pants.
Its not you imagination, its not a bad trippie, yes thats him -
Its the big smelly hippy!
Hello Mr.Hippy, nice to meet ya.
Hey, got a little shit between your toes.
How's things at the ol' manure factory?
How's little Tofu? What!?
She grew another head?
Well, ya gotta lay off that LSD y'know,
kinda makes your offspring goofy-looking.
So, how do ya hide money from a hippy?
Put it under the soap.
I'm sorry but that answer wasn't in time,
you're gonna have to put your mouth on this.
Whoa! I blew your head clean off.
Good thing I was such an expert shot with the National Guard back in Penn State.
There's nothing like hippie hunting.
My dad always use to take me with Lee Harvey Oswald.
All right, we're rocking now.
Worlds biggest hair,
worlds tightest pants got no circulation but you still can't dance.
Fashion is a statement and sometimes a risk.
Every fashion had its faults, but yours is the pits.
Always in black, looks like he's dead -
Here's the art-fag lying on his death-bed.
Hello Mr. Art-Fag, come on out here.
Say, what a hairdo. Its awfully big.
As big as the.. the..
the Hindenburg and it will go up just as fast if I put this lighter to it.
But no, I'm gonna hold out and ask you this question:
What ever happened to Eddie Munster?
I'm looking at him!
Oh, Oderus help the boy with his hairdo there.... ooh, its getting ripped off.
Ow, you know that's gotta hurt.
Hey, what's Oderus trying to do with his face?
Is that a face-lift?
No, he's pulling that face clean off.
Ahhhhh. Help that sod outta here..
Gave up pussy, stopped to a toot.
Now you can't wait to give someone the boot.
Elbows and knuckles, all you knows how.
Follows the heard, just another cow.
Brain full of shit, boots full of lead.
Straight from Hitler's ass it's a nazi skinhead.
Hello Mr.Nazi Skinhead how'ya doin'?
How's Geraldo's nose? Still broken? W
ell it's good to see ya still on the job.
Y'know when you're mugging talk show commentators in bathrooms,
always remember to draw the swastika turning to the right,
not to the left, always to the right.
Why do nazi skinheads wear red suspenders anyway? H
e doesn't have to tell you.
Time to give this nazi skinhead one more haircut,
real close to the shoulders like.
Whoa! His heads been decapitated.
Look at all that PSI in he aorta artery.
Whoa! Is he a gusher or what?
Well, ladies and gentlemen that's all for this week.
We've killed everyone worth killing, hope you do the same.
We'll Be back next week for another edition of Slaughterama.
It's full of existential despair.
It's full of people who just don't care.
Don't feel sorry for them.
They've chosen there own pathetic life.
- applepirate0
Gwar came and played our club in 2005... sometime in 2006 we were finished cleaning up after the show.
best part was after the show watching the members of the band walk around without all their gear on, they were all bright pink b/c of the extended period of time they were covered in fake blood.
- egosmoke0
Such a great show. If I remember correctly they disemboweled the pope and mike tyson and ate his guts on stage. Saddam a go go!
- dbloc0
They are about to play at a local venue. might just go see them just to say I did.
- jaylarson0
flattus maximus died after their 2011 show here in mn. they exhumed another to destroy more hoomans...
- fiver0
GWAR makes me proud to be from Richmond...
- Pixter0
could do a tour along with Rockbitch
- utopian0
paging scarabin
paging scarabin
paging scarabin
paging scarabin
- err0
me and some friends are going to go to a Gwar show wearing all white but treated with neverwet. Who wants to join in the fun this halloween in chicago?
- prophetone0
new LP out!
- jaylarson0
The National Football League: Allow GWAR to perform the 2015 Super Bowl Halftime Show
http://www.change.org/petitions/…
- meffid0
Gwar fucken rule.