Relationship Advice
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- brooke
Please don't hate me for starting this thread. This isn't another "Brooke's so giddy & happy over another boy thread". I have a genuine question to ask the good folks of NT.
My last long-term relationship, until the end, was really really good. It was magic, really. I never wanted to be without him. We made some mistakes, though, and things kinda ended abruptly last year.
I've dated a couple people since then. Right now I'm with a really sweet guy, probably the most thoughtful & sincere person I've ever been with. Smart, nice to be around, ambitious, creative, yadda yadda.
But the feelings I had before, the "magic", is just not there. If I see him, I see him. If I don't, I don't. I don't crave him like I did the last guy, although he's good company when I am around him.
My question: Am I just growing up? Is compatibility better than romance? Should I see what happens with this guy, or see if I can find the "magic" with someone else? What's really important?
I've asked my mom's advice, but now I need more perspective.
Thanks, guys.
Sincerely,
Chagrined in Chicago
- ross0
What is this "romance" you speak of?
- macphisto0
My cousin used to say this about women:
"No matter how smart, sexy or tall she is, someone, somewhere is sick of her shit."
I suppose that you could turn the logic around to be appropriate for a man!
- not_lebowski0
which vd do you have?
- harlequino0
Give it a little more time. I am in a similar situation with a fantabulous woman. At first, it was similar to what you describe, but it grew and grew, and I feel very deeply for her, as she does for me.
Maybe you are growing up. That initial excitement usually wears off. But if you can start small and grow into something very deep and meaningful, then perhaps you got something there.
In the end, your gut will tell you. Good luck.
- tkmeister0
i feel the same way now.
- visualplane0
If you just got out of a long term relationship, then you should stay single for at least 6 months, not date for at least 2 years, and not leave the house for at least 6 years.
=)
- not_lebowski0
just do the first skank who crosses your path
- scransom0
your biology is driven by the desire to have sexy kids. So the strong asshole man tends to stir your biology more than the thoughtful provider guy.
Lots of women marry the provider guy cause he'll help with the kids but cheat with the sexy guy because he'll spawn better kids.
Maybe the solution is for the nice guy to be more of a cocky bastard.
- scransom0
this is more a note to self.. :/
- not_lebowski0
man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day
- paraselene0
i think it is part of growing up in a lot of ways, brooke. you've been through a few different relationships now and it might not be that the 'magic' isn't there, but that your psyche is paying less attention to it because it hasn't lasted in the past.
- radar0
DO what works for you and what makes you happy, if this guy doesn't consume your thoughts and everything else maybe you should go at it again. I think alot of people date because they feel like they have to be with someone all the time, society standard I guess.
- not_lebowski0
get a cat and drown yourself in shit music and weird decroted things
- todelete__20
brooke, you're young.
no need to rush back into things. if it works out it works out, if it doesn't move on.
you live in chicago. it's about to be summer time. everything in chicago changes when it's warm out. much more to do and more people to see.
if it's not there it's not there. cut your losses and move on, or, stay in the relationship but keep your eyes open for anything else that comes along.
i'd set you up with one of my buddies but they are all douchbags. haha.
best wishes.
- bukka0
I agree, do what you feel. People can tell you this and that but its boils down to are you happy? You might not crave this guy but are you happy with him?
- not_lebowski0
brooke, youre old and your 20s quest to be a cool hipster has left you with the realization that you have permanently alienated men. if you had spent the earlier decade span not hating them and treating them like shit, and overall hating daddy, then you'd likely be fine.
but hey. enjoy the cats.
- Rand0
take it easy baby
take it as it comes
take it easy baby
specialize in havin fun
- tkmeister0
let's dance.
- todelete__20
brooke. If it isn't like this then you need to leave.
*clears throat
Gonna find my baby, gonna hold him tight
gonna grab some afternoon delight.
My motto's always been; when it's right, it's right.
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night.
When everything's a little clearer in the light of day.
And you know the night is always gonna be there any way.Sky rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. Afternoon delight.
- not_lebowski0
oh shit, I was talking to my left hand. sorry about that