So tricky
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- kingjulien
When I was 19 there was this girl who dated several of my friends. She was a model from Korea, and stunningly gorgeous--with big fake breasts and her own swimsuit calendar, one that she carried in the backseat of her red Miata in case someone asked for an autograph, which never happened, ever. This girl's visa was almost expired, and she really wanted to stay in the U.S. to pursue her career, so she worked the grind trying to find a guy to marry. At least 5 of my closest friends dated her at one time or another--all within a period of 2 to 3 months-- and within that same period, all of their friendships dissolved. Finally Josh, who we called the Jackal because of his propensity to date underage Asian girls, agreed--after a night of debaunchery--to drive to Reno and tie the knot. He was offered a Jeep and $10,000 cash, and all he had to do was create a joint checking account and attend periodic meetings with the INS for a year, until she received her green card.
Well as soon as the wedding was over she went missing in action. She was still technically around I guess- people reported seeing her at school and at the bars, but we were never be able to connect with her. The Jackal knew going in that this wouldn't be a normal relationship, and he really had no delusions about the terms, but he figured, hey, at least I'll make some money and get a car out of this, and really, how crazy was it to do a hot girl a favor and perhaps get laid in the process? But. like I mentioned, she bailed on him entirely after the ceremony, not returning calls, never coming over. Therefore, after 4 months and 2 sit-downs, we convinced him that it was time for an annullment, regardless of the consequences, because he could get into some serious legal trouble if he didn't watch himself. That needed to be priority number one.
But the Jackal was scared. The rumor was that the girl's father was in the Korean mob. If he left her he might have an accident, and really, this had to be taken into consideration, as outrageous as it sounds.
That's where I came in. I was the only one who had not dated her, and even though she had suggested a few things from time to time when we conversed at parties, because I had played it cool and not been a sleez, somehow she was fond of me, and somehow she listened to my twisted logic. So one night we drank a bottle of wine and-- while my friends played dominos inside--we spoke in her hottub. She was wearing a black licorice G string, and it took all my strength to stay focussed and convince her to sign the paperwork which gave my friend his freedom.
At one point, though, she got emotional. She was obviously drunk, and she started spewing forth the names of all the guys she had dated. "I don't know, Nathan, Todd, Eric, Josh, Dave--I don't know what to do. It's so complicated. I love them all. I love you. I love everybody. It's so crazy. My life is so tricky, I mean, my life is so tricky. My life is so tricky."
She repeated herself over and over and I was like, dude, what are you doing here trying to reason with this nutcase? She's dated everybody in the house, she wore a fur coat over her G string in 90 degree heat, and now she sounds like the girl from Full Metal Jacket--instead of Me So Horny it's My life is so Trickeeeeeeeeeeeee My life is so Trickeeeeeeeeeee--really stressing that eeeee part, and damn, she was so wacked out of her mind. It was amazing.
Now, whenever I hear a girl complain about her life in a cliched way, I just transition into 'my life is so tricky' in my head, and it tends to put things in perspective. The complaining ends-- eventually. We then go back to being silly, and life is what it is, sad and beautiful and bizarre, and ultimately full of endless amusements for someone conditioned to seek them out.
And when it comes down to it, isn't that what makes things interesting?
- -sputnik-0
wow, sounds like a wack-job
- canuck0
KJ your stories remind me of Palahniuk.
Reading Haunted right now.
- ThreeSevenFive0
Brilliant as always KJ.
- cosmo0
another classic.
one.
- kingjulien0
how is it, canuck? i read diary a few months back. at first i wasn't into it but it got me at a certain point. i prefer survivor and choke though....
- canuck0
It's actually pretty good. Disturbing but good ;)
- mayo0
I can not believe this story because I have it on good authority (aka - the bathroom wall) that kingjulien is water-soluable. Please change the location of your talk.
- kingjulien0
I'm always a sucker for "disturbing but good" .
- mayo0
F-word! i made a typo
- kingjulien0
Mayo, the eagle has landed. I repeat, the eagle has landed.
- mayo0
*gets out decoder ring
ummm but the "chair" is not by the "door"
- cosmo0
mayo pick me up at the airport.
kj lets meet up.
- mayo0
not that again...
- Xrtions0
haha great story.
sso i assume the chick never got her green card?
- kingjulien0
Cosmo, you been to the Spice House???
- ThreeSevenFive0
Xrtions, nice work.
What happened to the link to the 2nd page though?
- cosmo0
Cosmo, you been to the Spice House???
kingjulien
(Aug 5 05, 13:42no sir.
- mayo0
are you going to the Spice House kj?
- 8eleven0
I need pictures.
Did she get her green card?
Is she still here.
Is she willing to relocate and be tied to a bed all day?
- e-pill0
did your friend give the car back? did he have to get aa visit from the korean mob? did he or your other friends get any diseases from that calender girl? did you ever after the fact go back and do IT with that chick?
finish the story!!!
:)