Madison
- Started
- Last post
- 17 Responses
- kingjulien
Warning: this is long
---------------------------I had a date last weekend at Starbuck's. Her name was Madison. She's a theater major who dances weekends at a strip club where my friend cooks. It was a rainy evening, but she wanted to smoke, so we spent the first ten minutes huddled beneath the umbrella on the table. I began this anecdote about one of my students who wrote a story about Tony Danza hosting a PBS series on the joys of dolphin sex, one that I found brilliant. About half way into my ramble she fell over laughing, which in theory was a good thing, except that it wasn't at a point in the story where she should have been laughing. I was confused. Then, out of the blue, this woman ran by, and I realized what Madison was laughing at. The woman had on purple Chuck Taylors and a scarf around her entire head. On her body she wore white overalls with a maroon Members Only jacket over it, unzipped, along with round Phyllis Diller glasses with bright orange lenses--the kind you wear in Reno at 4:00 am when you're up a hundred and the Vodka Tonics don't fade you anymore.
Certainly she was a sight to behold, a spectacle, and yet I felt weird and a bit guilty. I thought the woman was homeless, and it was disappointing that my date chose to laugh right in her face. The woman didn't look and yet it was clear, since nobody else was out there, that we were laughing at her. I shook my head. Madison wouldn't stop roaring.
Five minutes passed. The homeless woman now sat across from us, reading the front page of the NY Times, except she wasn't really reading but rather spying on us through two holes she had cut in the newspaper. I looked in every direction for a camera. It was so awkward and bizarre, especially when she threw down the Times and yelled, "You know it's not polite to stare!"
It turns out this "grandmother" was really another dancer at the club where my date worked. In fact they were roommates. She walked over, took off her scarf and shades, and was transformed into this attractive woman in her late 20's, with long red hair and blue eyes.
It got crazier. Her roommate put me on the witness stand for the next half hour, asking how many other "dancers" I had dated and what i did for a living and if she could take a picture of my penis with her cell phone. When I refused, she pulled out a can of mace and placed it on the table. She told me that she loved Madison and would spritz me if I ever screwed her over. My date tried to stick up for me, but it was pointless. Finally, just before she left, her roommate told me she had a tattoo dedicated to Madison on her ass. She wanted to know if I believed her. I said sure, why not? That didn't satisfy her though, so she dropped her overalls and bare-assed me right on the patio of Starbuck's. Carved into her left cheek was the letter M, done with a switchblade the previous night.
With that, she said "it was nice meeting you", and walked to her car.
Just like that, she was gone.
- mogwai0
hahaha. great story. when are you gonna update your site?
- r_gaberz0
haha
take care
- JazX0
haha, where did you get that from Sin City II?
- kingjulien0
Thanks. I added some new photos on Monday, and now it's time to post some stories as well. Hopefully this weekend...
- mogwai0
its all about the writing section for me.
i read everything on there one Friday afternoon. really entertaining.
- jevad0
brilliant, as always
- magicpatch0
hilarious, i started busting up at "except she wasn't really reading but rather spying on us through two holes she had cut in the newspaper."
- kingjulien0
Again, Mogwai, I really appreciate it. Yesterday I read a bunch of Chuck Palahniuk's stories from Stranger than Fiction and finally realized what you were talking about.
- todelete__20
ok. i'm going to read it i swear, one sec, but after reading the title 'madison' and the first line 'i met this girl' i instantly said to myself 'stripper' then you said she was a sentance later.
i'm good. ok... i'm going to read it now, i just wanted to share that.
hang on...
- mattyd0
great read.
- todelete__20
ok. wow man. you are one of the best writers/story tellers. brilliant dude.
i loved this part "except she wasn't really reading but rather spying on us through two holes she had cut in the newspaper."
so bizzare.
- kingjulien0
thanks guys....
yeah, the hard part for me was to keep people stimulated and engaged until the holes in the paper section. i knew from there it was worth reading.
- ric_s0
good read man, they always are. Yer one talented cat.
- 2cents0
run away... run very fast and don't look back.
love your stories king.
- kingjulien0
thanks ric and 2cents.
cheers...
- uberdesigner0
kingjulien, you sound like freaking Woody Allen. Think less, she's a stripper, you'll find out that she's crazy and unknowable. Just try to slip her some sausage and that's that.
- mrdobolina0
one for the ages... again.