Uno
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- kingjulien
In high school my best friend's dad was a bookie, so on weekends--after parties-- we would hang out, handicapping NFL games or playing poker with a bunch of degenerate gamblers who thought we were amusing because we drank Boone's Hill out of paper bags. There was an electric mix of people: cabbies, minor league baseball players, and a couple of wanna be Guido's who wore black turtleknecks with gold chains and their hats turned backwards. There was this older kid named Swanny who thought he was particularly tough. One day he got into a fight playing basketball. Not only did he get his ass beat but he received a kick in the groin at the end, while he was just laying on the court. Right away there was blood everywhere, so we knew it was bad. I was the one, unfortunately, who drove him to the hospital, where after several hours, he had his right nut removed. The kick had ruptured his sack.
This became a sensitive subject for the guy, but I didn't like him, and he never thanked me for taking his ass to the emergency room, so we made jokes whenever he was around. During card games we would talk about betting on Ball State or suggest instead of poker that we should play Uno. Sometimes when he was the dealer I would hold up my index finger. One I would say, give me one card. Swanny would look at me like he was going to lunge across the table, but the incident had humbled him, and he learned to just take it, albeit bitterly.
One night I secretly inserted Johnny Dangerously into the VCR, and when the gang began to watch what they thought was The Color of Money, suddenly the scene where Johnny shows his brother the documentary on elephantitits of the nutts came on. Swanny got furious, but he didn't know who to be mad at, so he told the whole room he was going to kill us, and he left.
It's been twelve years. Last night, at Starbucks, I saw him for the 1st time with the hottest Valentine's date. When he noticed me he froze, daring me to make a joke in front of his girl, but I resisted any temptation. A lot changes in 12 years. Maybe he's turned into a decent fellow--I'd certainly like to think I have. Maybe he's had some sort of surgery, and the insecurity has waned. Or maybe Swanny One Nutt has been plotting all these years, like Steve Buschemi in Billy Madison, and he's living in his mom's basement with a balding ponytail and a vendetta list next to his bed.
No, I didn't say anything at all but just smiled, wished him good luck, and went on my way.
- brandelec0
Swanny One Nutt
gold jerry GOLD!!
- rasko40
hahah.
I believe I believe!
- lhd0
Awesome Story...
lhd = UNO Grand Champion of the worldclink'
- jox0
Fucking great story, as usual.
- k0na_an0k0
i would have kicked him in his nut and taken his girl.
- zombiewoof0
NT Writer of the year...
King J
- Gorbie0
i take it he didn't order a "double"
- blackspade0
lmao, UNO!!
- Gorbie0
you should've played blackjack with him... and only dealt him one card.
- mogwai0
nice, your writing is improving!
- kingjulien0
Damnit! I forget to mention the time I wore an eyepatch to one of the games, really loaded, and just maddogged him from across the table with my left eye...
btw: thanks for the comments...
- Gorbie0
hahahaha.
- tny0
noice
- kingjulien0
With all the anger and spite lately, remember how fortunate you all are--you too could be missing a ball.
- dopepope0
great story indeed. But to make it better, do what I did accidently. Change the B in all the words 'Bookie' to a W. It's an even more great story now!
- kingjulien0
lol...Wookie
- RIZ0
that was afuckin great story!