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Out of context: Reply #66795

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  • mugwart0

    Does anyone have ADHD or live with someone here that does have it?

    I'm struggling with my GF as she cant understand me having it. I think so much it often can come out hypocritical or not listening to her.

    I know its not easy for her but she is extremely logical but to her its the old "why cant you just listen to me". I do listen to her but I've also had like 5 other conversations plus contemplated the meaning of life at the same time!

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    • do you take medication? I've never been diagnosed but I took adderall recently and absolutely murdered a gig. I missed this in HS and College.shellie
    • are you showing her you're listening despite your multitasking? try repeating details back to her with your answer.shellie
    • I do repeat back but my ADHD affects my short term memory sometimesmugwart
    • Not on meds... dont want to sound old fashioned but I like to try and deal with things myself. sounds strange but try find a cure within myselfmugwart
    • I do try and listen and I do actively care about her. I'm head over heals in love with hermugwart
    • If you have memory issues, ADHD or not, write shit down.i_monk
    • ^ i do - but I forget some times!mugwart
    • idk then. but sometimes you have to make choices not to have your phone in your hand, or other things for the 10 minutes she might be speaking with you.shellie
    • i do things like, no phones, tv or music with lyrics at dinnertime (prep and eating) and we do that together as a couple.shellie
    • my bf is very busy naturally. making beats, he'll tap on stuff or hum. there's always a song in his head. so i get an hour where he tries not to indulge evenshellie
    • though his natural state is swimming w/info. i set the stage 4 one solid opportunity to say what i need to say without competing w/anything. that satisfies me.shellie
    • get her to watch this guy:
      https://www.youtube.…      Gnash
    • if no meds, you gotta practice being present for her but it doesnt have to last an eternity. Just an hour and a half. You can do that.shellie
    • Barkley is amazing. You'll get a lot of insight in this devastating conditionGnash
    • I do listen and I do try. I also am very busy. I have my kid weekends, her weekdays and I'm building a project as I think my industry is failing.mugwart
    • I do all the cooking as she is out most the times (part the fights!)mugwart
    • listening to that video in the background. interesting indeed.shellie
    • problem is its the convos where I don't get to prepare myself for. She is extremely mathematical and extremely logical so its opposite nature for her.mugwart
    • Thanks Gnash!mugwart
    • might i note, that there's also an art to loving an artist in general. and a lot of artists have the same problems. It can be difficult but also rewarding.shellie
    • ^^ thanks Shellie ;-) can I give you her email address please ;-)mugwart
    • I often see partners of artists like that fit themselves in spaces the artist lack like organization & structure, which is something I bring to my relationshipshellie
    • But for many partners, they also put aside many personal needs, sometimes for a lifetime. That can be very hard for some. But, it likely won't change either.shellie
    • so it comes down to compatibility and what kind of partner she wants to be to someone thats highly creative w/possible special needs, unmedicated. That's work.shellie
    • the flipside... what relationship isn't work? At least she can know what shes really working with.shellie
    • I remember you mentioning she's pretty young though. That's something that could make a difference in this instance for the overall happiness of you both.shellie
    • she is pretty young but very mature so we match (well she surpasses me!).mugwart
    • i do my best and when things are good its heaven on earth, when not its hell fire.mugwart
    • As you rightly put - what relationship isnt worth the work. Thanks for the input.mugwart
    • Maturity shows itself in certain ways though. She might dont be emotionally immature but lacking the experience to know your problems aren't that uniqueshellie
    • or how to deal with them. and that she will likely face similar problems again. My dad was mildly autistic. That changed our relationship, but it was still loveshellie
    • it took LOTS of understanding not to fight with him, which I couldn't help when I was a teen he was so frustrating. When i got older, I suddenly understood.shellie
    • *she might not.shellie
    • i hate linking buzzed, but this is good:
      https://www.buzzfeed…      Gnash
    • my wife takes Adderall to help her outplash
    • adderall helps me to a degree but at the end of the day, do you want an interesting, restless, witty artist or a buttoned down straight laced boring accountant?_niko
    • cause adderall turns you into the latter, you'll get shit done but at the expense of your soul._niko
    • I agree with everything in that vid by gnash except the driving, i've had a spotless record because i'm able to anticipate and think 5 moves ahead. when i'm on_niko
    • ...adderall however i notice my driving is way worse. not aware of my surroundings or other drivers, my mind doesn't bounce around so it's like driving half_niko
    • ...asleep. I have a lot of close calls, silly things that would never happen to me normally._niko
    • Does this help? https://kogan-prod-a…pango
    • Probably not while driving.pango
    • haha @pango.
      I dont have a spinner. I do have this:
      https://deadonpaper.…      mugwart
    • @_niko - thats why I dont take anything. I'm not a fan of big pharma. If there is a way I can deal/heal by myself I'll do that.mugwart
    • thanks all for your inputs. Been really helpful.mugwart
    • keep you mind open about meds
      https://www.youtube.…      Gnash
    • interesting vid, the emotional numbing aspects of stimulants is my biggest detractor. Strattera seems to combat that. might look into it._niko
    • My husband has ADHD, and it was really hard for me to deal with when we first started dating. Sometimes it's still incredibly frustrating. Ask her to read...Melanie
    • "Scattered Minds" or similar book on living with someone with ADHD. It helped me understand that he wasn't an asshole, and helped us figure out together how...Melanie
    • to deal with issues. Also, you might want to check into getting an ADHD life coach. That helped loads too. We're going 12 years strong now...Melanie
    • Thanks a lot Melanie. Will get it for me to give to her for xmas ;-)mugwart
    • Scattered Minds is a great book. Mugs, I'd expand a bit on xmas ideas :)Gnash
    • frying pan?_niko
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