R.I.P. Philip Seymour Hoffman
Out of context: Reply #86
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- d_rek0
On the 'bad parenting' bit...
My Dad was in and out of prison for the first few years of my life, finally landing in a State Penn. for 7 years when I was 5 years old. I visited him a few times in prison, but I wouldn't see him again until I was 12.
All that time he wrote me letters, usually covered with artwork he created. Those letters are actually one of the single biggest influences for me as an individual in deciding to pursue art as a career.
When he got out again we caught up and did a lot of father-son activities that I had missed out on perviously: fishing, hunting, showing me how to shave, showing me how to treat women, be respectful towards my elders, cooking, taking care of stuff around the house. Basically a lot of the things that a 'good parent' is supposed to do.
And do you think that through any of that I was sitting there going, "Jesus this guy is such a piece of shit for not being around for the last seven years what a fucking asshole!"
No. I was simple really happy to have my dad back in my life.
Well fast forward a few years and he re-marries and introduces me to my stepmother and sisters and their extended family - people who are intricately and intimately woven into the fabric of my day-to-day life now. Amazing people who would not be in my life if it weren't for my 'piece of shit' Dad.
Fast forward a few more years and my Dad actually quits drinking too. So now he is not only sober from heroin but also alcohol. Everything is looking pretty good at this point.
Now we goto 2008 and the economy is tanking and my Dad is in chronic pain because of an existing knee injury and begs a doctor to give him a prescription for the pain. Well that was the crumb that started the avalanche.
He lost his job, was unemployed for a long time, was severely depressed, and finally, in 2011 hit rock bottom and relapsed into heroin and almost OD'd. We all thought it was a one-time thing and were too naive to realize then that it wasn't. And then last year the shit really hit the fan, but I won't go into that now.
But all that time here was a guy who deeply loved his family - especially his grandchildren. I can't even begin to tell you how big his heart was for them. Not once throughout any of that ordeal did I ever stop and think, "Jesus this guy is a shitty parent and a piece of shit human being!"
Did he make terrible, life altering decisons? Yes.
Was he incredibly selfish in regards to his addiction? Yes.
Does this make him a bad parent? You can't talk about a heroin addict as if they have the same though processes as you and me. You just can't. And therefore you can't sit there and say that a heroin addict is good or bad. It's just not the same.
I'm a parent. I have a 2.5 yr old daughter and we're expecting #2 in May. I'm absolutely disgusted with my dad. It fucking hurts my heart to now know all the shit that happened over the last couple of years. But I will not sit there and say he was a 'bad person' and a 'bad parent' because of it. I just wont.
- great story thanks for sharing._niko
- we don't know the full details of PSH situation but i'd like to think he had the means to get any help he needed for any_niko
- ailment or pain he might have been suffering. Lot to risk going back to heroin having what he had. sad._niko
- we can only assume.pango
- Really well written.inteliboy
- well put mate. only sensible posts in this thread.fadein11
- nicely stated d_rekRamanisky2
- can't begin to to tell you how helpful it is to read something like this. much appreciated.bogue
- Nicely put.eoin