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- jamesbeat5
Parenting
Besides the few practical things you can actually prepare that the others already mentioned, try to find a proper workout routine for your back that you can do regularily. There will be a lot of one-sided carrying and lifting paired with little sleep and stress. I wish I had fixed my back pain before going into this...
The most valuable advice I got is this: In the first 2-3 years you basically just do whatever works to make the kid (and mother) happy, feel safe and loved. But it is important to steadily transition away from that as the kid grows older.
Gently encourage your kid to sleep in alone for example, even when there's a bit of background noise. Communicate that you have needs, too and bit by bit reclaim some free personal time for your better half and equally important, yourself.Don't fall for stuff like "three day potty training", or other bullet proof methods to force something on your child, you're not raising a puppy. But pay attention to windows of opportunity that open from time to time when the kid is ready to learn something new or become more self sustained, be there and give support, they'll figure it out when they are ready.
Sounds obvious, but treat your kid with respect from the beginning. This can mean literally sitting down and communicating on eye level when talking to your child, without caring about what others around you might think of how a child should be treated. I have seen many parents talking to their kids as if they were cute pets or little problems that they need to manage.(They often are, but it's not their fault, it's your responsibility)
Respect them as you do respect yourself. Just don't expect to get any of that respect back in the first couple of years.Find the time to visit a first aid for kids workshop at some point. You won't ever need most of the stuff you learn, but it will be worth a lot if you do – and it helped me to better judge dangerous situations. And always have a band aid with you to unlock the secret dad superpower when your kid falls.
Keep media consumption as far away as you can for as long as possible. Kids get addicted to phones and tv so quickly. Question you own habits and try to not use your phone while around your kid. They will compete for your attention and want to do what they see you doing. Look for a public library with a decent kids books collection instead and go there often. I hauled tons of books back and forth every couple of weeks and this really sparked imagination with my kids. And it's a very good way of spending time together reading stories and looking at pictures.
If you're not on the same page with your partner about how to deal with a situation, try to figure out how important it really is to you. If it's not a fight you need to pick, talk it through afterwards. You will loose most of these fights anyway, so better not let the kids take note of that, they will use it against you on the first occasion.
And finally, you will have a lot less time to spend for yourself than before. So you might as well do anything you can to make the time you spend with your kids and family the best possible. Find things that both you and your child enjoy and the magic of life will unfold before your eyes :-)
- Horp7
Parenting
With your first child, you are completely inexperienced. As others have said already, this is a process that has worked successfully as a simple and basic arrangement for a long time. Don't get suckered in to too many methods, accessories and protocols that get bandied around.
I have two kids, there are 3 years separating their births. Most of the advice we were told (via NCT and healthcare services) for the first child were already invalid by the second. We were told entirely different things second time around, by the exact same bodies that told us to do them the first time around. So we realised these are just frameworks by career people and all a baby needs is:
Love
Comfort
Nourishment
Protection
Monitoring
Stimulation when appropriate
Rest at all other times===
If I had one piece of advice I wish I could tell my young self that first time around, it is that it can get very demanding, quite frustrating, and it can fray your nerves at times.
This for me was something from a few years after the first was born, when they start to not cooperate with what you would ideally like to see happening. They can really test your patience at times and behave in a wilfully challenging way.
KEEP YOUR COOL
There were times when my first really pushed our buttons in a million infuriating ways, and it can be possible sometimes to want to assert your seniority and make sure it is understood that you are the boss.
I do realise that writing this will be making some of you think "oooh we got a child torturer here" but that's your imagination and not what I am talking about. I am talking about losing your cool and getting angry when things are not going your way, and losing sense of the fact that a small child does not understand the world fully, and is curious about finding the limits in order to make better sense of that world.
So if you lose your cool and get a bit ranty or raise your voice, it doesn't work, and it also makes you feel like a shitbag afterwards.
My eldest, now 18, is by nature a feisty iconoclast. It's who she is. So along the way we had some clashes, battles of wills where neither would back down. Ultimately I held the ace card, but she would not give in until she saw the ace card. The ace card might be confiscations, limiting access to things, and also just me ranting and rattling as I lay down the law to tell her what's what and what a big deal I am.
The second baby comes along and you realise that at times some of this was disproportionate and based on trying to battle against their determination to massively fuck up your day, as opposed to calmly stating things and letting them go through the process of having an emotional meltdown if that's what they need to do.
You have to stay calm and explain things, and if they aren't ready for those explanations, then calmly step away and let them have a temper riot by themselves.
You never need to prove you are the boss to a a young child, you need to demonstrate it with full control and calmness.
My eldest daughter and I, on a few (quite rare) occasions would have a kind of cold war battle and it would escalate step by step "Okay well I'm doing this" ... "Well fine then this is what's going to happen as a result, Missy"... "I don't care, I'm even doing this now too"... "oh yeah? well guess what, this is happening now as well how do you like THOSE apples?"... "FINE! WATCH ME DO THIS!"... "GO AHEAD, YOU'RE CONFINED TO YOUR ROOM FOR THE NEXT TWELVE YEARS"... "REALLY? WELL I MAY AS WELL DO THIS THEN!"... "OH SURE, SURE... NOW I'M CALLING THE ADOPTION AGENCY" and so on.
Just... don't do that. It doesn't work.
It's hard work being a parent, and the nature of that work changes month by month.
Take it as it comes, and aways make sure they know you love them.
My worst memory, which still haunts me to this day, is that one time after an escalating battle of wills when my eldest absolutely demanded that she lead me step by step to the moment of me revealing my ace card; she finally understood she couldn't win, she burst into tears at everything she'd lost along the way, and asked me to give her a hug.
I was so mad about it all that my response, and what a fucking asshole I am, what a fucking asshole, was to say "I can't hug you now because I'm so angry"
and I left her there on her bed, sobbing, asking for a hug and not getting one.
My wife was with her and when she came downstairs a short while later she said "Can you go and give her a hug please because she thinks you don't love her anymore"
Christ, what a fucking asshole.
Don't do that. It haunts the fuck out of me and it was fucking years ago.
- Error: you need to demonstrate it with full *self* control and calmness.Horp
- I'm off to see LCD Soundsystem with my eldest in August. She loves taking me to gigs. We are as close as close can be these days.Horp
- The challenges we faced back in the day were based on the fact that she is EXACTLY like me. We are the same personality type. My youngest is more like their mumHorp
- When all else fails...there is always hookers & cocaine!utopian
- Excellent post, can totally relate.mort_
- This is everything... “Take it as it comes, and aways make sure they know you love them.”mort_
- That last bit wasn’t you being an asshole. It was you being a human.mort_
- Don't be too hard on yourself. She was testing you to see where the limit was. All part of learning. I bet she got lots of hugs after that.monNom
- "I'M CALLING THE ADOPTION AGENCY" lolpseud
- This is sound advice (I think, since I can't relate), cheers Horp! You sound like a good parent.pseud
- PhanLo1
- https://www.cookandb…PhanLo
- Can't wait to play all the refreshes!kaiyohtee
- ELF NEEDS FOOD, BADLYautoflavour
- oh man i remember playing this in the arcadepango
- pseud3
Parenting
PS. It's a boy. Gotta look into names now.
- Congrats! Like someone said, don’t tell anyone the names. And you don’t have to write the name down until an day after you meet him.monospaced
- Felix ;)OBBTKN
- What about Sarah??sarahfailin
- Nice!YakuZoku
- Felix's at the top of the list. Our problem is the last name as we both have long surnames.pseud
- Huntermilfhunter
- There's this app "Babyname" a friend created. You can swipe left or right on names you like/dislike - like tinder. Same does your partner.Longcopylover
- Really helped us to get a shortlist.Longcopylover
- Ashleybainbridge
- Qbn?bainbridge
- neverscared4
Scary Cool Tech Thread
Cutting-edge drone killer radio wave weapon developing at pace
A new game-changing weapon that uses radio waves to disable enemy electronics and take down multiple drones at once is under development for the UK’s armed forces.System can neutralise a swarm of drones for 10p a shot.
UK designed and built system offers operational advantage and battlefield protection
UK Armed Forces will be operating with this technology in the coming years- and probably a new device is being developed to counteract this one.Ramanisky2
- DaveO10
Parenting
Most advice is meaningless until the baby is here, because they're all totally different and everyone's family situation is totally different. Its likely the least comparable situation in all of humanity.
A birthing course is helpful, so you understand what happens, and if you're the USA, be able to advocate for the things your other half will or won't want. There is such an addiction to pain medication here and they will pump up the after care with some very strong and terrifying prescription drugs that are largely unnecessary.
A few practical things that come to mind:
Get the car seat ready.
Get the room ready.
Get the wallet ready.
Prep a load of food for when you get back from hospital.
Stay in the room when its happening.
In the birth, if you can handle it, look down 'there' so you can see the baby come out. You will not regret seeing life cross over to the other side.
Don't buy every gadget you are told about (you don't need any of them).
Don't tell anyone the name you are thinking about, you do not need their opinion. Name the kid and then tell everyone.
Don't beat yourself up if you struggle with the transition. It can be hard to find your place in it as a father sometimes
Don't worry about it too much, civilization has been doing this for millions of years.Finally, don't listen to anyone's advice, your situation is yours alone and it will be unique.
- "Get the wallet ready."
lolNairn - This is all solid advice, especially the last line.
You'll just work it out for yourselves.Nairn - Exactly, that’s what I meant by “you become a parent once you have the child. Trust the process”monospaced
- That is sound advice, cheers! I have thought of "looking down there" while it's happening but I'm really bad with blood so there's a good chance I'll pass out.pseud
- Can comfirm, this is solid advice.Morning_star
- even poor people can deal with the struggle of having baby's and i'm not gonna look at my ladies pussy when the baby comes out.milfhunter
- 100% solid advice. I'm older, and my kids are 21 and 18, so I've gone through all of this...exador1
- 1 thing that truly worked for my wife and I was 'shift work' so to speak. Since i worked at an office, and my wife was on Mat Leave, she was home with the babyexador1
- so from the time i got home (say 5:45pm) until say about 2am, i was 'on duty' feeding, changing, whatever... I'd come in the door, and my wife would handexador1
- over our baby to me, and i did everything til about 2am, when it was time for me to get some sleep. This way, from afternoon, til 2am, my wife could relax,exador1
- go to the gym, run errands, whatever... just take it easy and get some time away from 'doing it all' sort of thing...get some sleep etc...exador1
- also, that way, i could 'sleep' from 2am til the next day without constantly getting up all night for feeding or changing...exador1
- anyhow, this way 'both' of us got time to sleep, or recharge, or whatever... both of us had 'time' with our baby, and we didn't get trapped in the endless cycleexador1
- of 'whose turn is it to wake up' lol...
anyhow, it sure worked well for us....
but everyone's mileage may vary etc...exador1
- "Get the wallet ready."
- whatthefunk5
- neighimbecile
- https://images.7news…Krassy
- https://kamalovesagi…YakuZoku
- She's really growing into that facefuturefood
- Sacks in the City.MrT
- Preaknessutopian
- Real question: is she filming strawberry shortcakeprophetone
- Chomping at the bit!sab
- Budeep a bubba da beep my lubba.misterhow
- Ugh, having flashbacks to when my gf binged Sex in the City. My options were headphones or slit wrists. Most annoying show ever.garbage
- bet her handbag cost a grandGardener
- Barbara Rhabarberkuchentimeless
- Fuck this happy peaceful looking woman!jagara
- mg332
Apple
My dumb day with my broken phone.
Go to Genius Bar appt a t 12:45pm. They confirm the phone won’t power up. They can replace the power part in my phone by 3:50pm. So I leave.
Back at 3:50, they tell me that the new part didn’t work. So they will instead give me a new phone. But they don’t have any 256gb silver ones in stock. I ask if they can offer another color because the color makes no difference to me. They can’t. So they find one at a store 30 minutes away. So I go there.
They give me the new one, and set up the phone number transfer. But it doesn’t work because I either have, or don’t have enhanced security with AT&T. So I have to go to an actual AT&T store, which means he’s got to print out directions real old school like so I can get there.
And here I sit at 6pm, in an AT&T store updating the new phone OS so that I can start transferring stuff from the iCloud backup.
So stupid.
- sounds shittyYakuZoku
- You can do the download and updates at home.monospaced
- G E N I U S
wtf!PhanLo - mono - I did. Pleasantly surprised that iCloud backups do exactly what physical backups do. I was worried, but phone is right back to how I needed it.mg33
- Learning moment: making people mad at you isn’t how to get things. Teaching children to negotiate helps them realize the mental spaces on both sides.cannonball1978
- Nairn10
- Nairn8
- lol ahhhh .. yes ... I just saw it now
best one.Ramanisky2 - I assumed this was a fake when I saw it - it's just too perfect. And then all the other videos came through.Nairn
- Great timing!PhanLo
- Is this about The Omen?Morning_star
- This is from a trailer for a movie called Morning_starimbecile
- LOL, An X-rated horror show for certainMorning_star
- This is opposite of a UFO video. Multiple videos capturing the same event.wagshaft
- ^ and clearYakuZoku
- Lol, those kids are really drunk! And a lot of swearing too!dmay
- lol ahhhh .. yes ... I just saw it now
- jagara4
- *heritagejagara
- is that an egg yolk floating in a german version of coke?hans_glib
- It's a non-alcoholic malt beer with crushed ice and lemon slices. It's delicious.jagara
- The "egg yolk" is just ice ;)jagara
- A bit disappointed it’s not hans_glib’s version.mort_
- ProstSimonFFM
- https://64.media.tum…rzu-rzu
- Looks like eggs in soy sauceYakuZoku
- You don't like eggs in soy sauce?jagara
- @SimonFFM zum Wohl!jagara
- Gardener8
- i didn't think qbn would stage an intervention for mesarahfailin
- mort_9
Vid of the Day
Jimmy Carr is such an interesting and insightful person.
- Don’t mind the title, that’s only part of the interview.mort_
- I actually prefer his interviews to his comedy. He's still really funny mind.PhanLo
- @PhanLo same. His shows (while generally funny) are 90 minutes of standalone jokes.jagara
- He actually talks about doing more long form bits in his latest shows. Not that there's anything wrong with one liners... Steven Wright, Mitch Hedbergmort_
- I'm conflicted as used to find him annoying as fuck, but these interviews are really insightful.Ianbolton
- Yeah, that was a great watch, thanks. I'd seen a couple of snippets of it prior and had a mental note to watch it, but didn't, so very much thanks for the nudgeNairn
- I've said it before: I feel that I'm perceiving a massive increase in podcasts. I don't know if it's a Thing or perhaps I'm just paying more attention, butNairn
- ..it feels like internet/digital culture took a turn recently to really expand this old form. It's like late night radio, on steroids. Or something.Nairn
- I think the pandemic must have given podcasts a boost.mort_
- I get that, but I also wonder whether culture might be congregating around new visions of existing forms, almost reactionary to contemporary immediacy? Dude?Nairn
- lol. You’ve lost me there.mort_
- Likewise. I just get the impression that the long-form is coming back into fashion.Nairn
- This man is dropping so much wisdom! Impressive.Krassy
- It's because one-liners are much harder to write. Also, never cared for Carr. Never brings a laugh and he has the most smug-punchable face.garbage
- Oh and the whole thing of when he was making jokes about tax cheats while he was sheltering millions. Fraud, through and through.garbage
- But this interview shows how much of a fraud he actually isn't GarbageIanbolton
- If you say so. Aside from his crimes, he absolutely annoys me so I'll take your word for it.garbage
- hehe, an ex-friend loved Carr, so I grew to tolerate him and now enjoy his humour. Wasn't he contrite about his tax 'affairs' and THEN joked about it?Nairn
- The tax thing was a standard off-the-shelf service offered by a certain type of accountant back in the day and lots of people got caught up by itNairn
- I'm sure he knew he was gaming the system, but whether or not he thought he was doing anything badly-illegal, I don't know.Nairn
- I'd much prefer we set our gaze to cunts in parliament playing much bigger tax dodges with seeming impunity. Looking over at Rees-Mogg there.Nairn
- I think it was more that he was making jokes about tax cheats while being a tax cheat. And he's never made me laugh, but to each their own.garbage
- stoplying4
Parenting
Buckle up.
It's an amazing, scary, surprising, emotional, fantastic, hard, easy, beautiful mess. Just like life. Enjoy it all and congratulations and good luck.
I have to mention devices and screen time. If you don't want your young child to be super dependent on screens, then try your best not to start the habit. Start all of the good habits as soon as you can, read books (a little later on), listen to music, go for walks, do stuff together.
- PhanLo1
capitalism
¡¡VIVA LA LIBERTAD CARAJO!!
-- he's already reduced inflation and balanced the budget. Imagine what he can in a few more years.hotroddy
- Free market legend!!!PhanLo
- https://www.youtube.…utopian
- https://apnews.com/a…hotroddy
- no point in arguing with someone with a GEDhotroddy
- Fuck him, clown taking advantage of the shitty situation over thereSalarrue
- who got them in a shitty situation? He's going to turn out as popular as your friend Bukele.hotroddy
