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  • cannonball1978

    Man... she was a really cool girl. Funny, designs bags, quotes Cohen Bros movies. We had a lot of chemistry. I didn't even mind that her life was kind of a mess.

    6-8 mo and we have the "where is this going" talk. She doesn't want kids, and I want to be a dad someday. Now we're at an impasse. Shoulda talked about it earlier.

    I hate this.

  • necromation0

    Ah fuck... Been there. Part ways civil while you still like each other, because time can be funny...

    In my case she came back and it's been over 10 plus years we been out here causing trouble together now.

  • shellie0

    It's a blessing. I spent over a decade with someone who turned out not to want kids even though at first he said he did. smh.

    If parenthood is something you want, keep moving toward that. Set things up in your life that support that. The right woman will come along.

    I don't know how it will go because it's so new, but i think I met someone really serious about starting a family. Not, like, tomorrow. But, definitely in short order, if things were to get serious. I appreciate us being on the same page about that. I'm older now. I can't wait another 10 years to see if it just organically happens like magic. This is a decision you actively make every day you know that's the life you want to live.

    • Also, not a bad thing for her to know she doesn't want kids. It's better than her going through w/it and her feeling a type of way about u and/or the child.shellie
    • I also broke up with an ex once that wanted kids, but my age at the time and the fact that I didn't feel as strongly for him, it was clear the party was over.shellie
    • I broke up with someone when I was 18 because of this issue. It's as serious as life gets.CyBrainX
  • MrAbominable0

    that "life was kind of a mess" might have contributed to her not wanting kids.

    you sound like somebody that attracts: cool, funny, awesome girls. Keep that in mind and keep the ball moving. There are plenty of great women out there that have their shit together. Or so i'm told.

  • shaft-7

    I don't mean to twist the knife but I learned early on that when a woman says "I don't want to have kids" she means "I haven't found the father for my kids yet", even if she doesn't realise and admit it yet, even to herself.

    Also, it took me very long to understand having kids is not an important part of life — it's the only thing that really matters in the end.

    • Not sure this is totally true. I know loads of women who have no intentions of ever having kidsIanbolton
    • My partner had no intention whatsoever of ever having kids. Now we have one and she's a surprisingly great mother.*shrug*Nairn
    • Of course it's not "totally" true. It's just how it often is. "Don't want kids" usually means "yet" or "with you". Same goes for men, of course.shaft
    • As for women not wanting kids - not all Darwin Award contestants go with a bang, some exclude themselves from the gene pool with a whimper.shaft
    • That's a bit of a dick thing to say, but hey, there are fuck-all women on QBN these days so harm done, I guess.Nairn
    • *so no harm done, ffs.Nairn
    • I fully disagree.SimonFFM
    • I don't think you're right, shaft. Looks like you do not want to accept other peoples opinions and project them back to your own insecurities.mekk
    • I know 2 women who were in very longterm relations and very happily - and determined to be - childless. Lots of travel and social fun.Gnash
    • One met a guy on a shoot (she was a make-up artist) and within 6 months had left her current guy and was pregnant. Now has 3 kids. He was the ‘guy,” she saidGnash
    • Similar story with the other woman. Both in their late 30s at the time. Anecdotal, I know, but shaft has a valid pointGnash
    • Uhm, no.zarkonite
    • Her point is a philosophical one but id have no way of knowing if is just mecannonball1978
    • @shaft, re: 'same goes for men'
      I have absolutely no intention — nor did I ever — of spawning. That scene isn't for me, regardless of the woman involved.
    • A woman chimes in: "Learned early on" like when you were 14? Only thing? Many are childless by choice. And being a parent is a life-long, partner-project.BustySaintClaire
    • What a weird way to look at life. My long-term girlfriend and I are anti-natalists. Not everyone dreams of being a parent.garbage
    • anatalic, surely?Nairn
    • anatalistic?Nairn
    • annihilatory?Nairn
    • Fuck you, NatalieGnash
    • Lol, it's always Natalie's fault.garbage
    • https://en.wikipedia…garbage
    • My philosophy is that all good cunts should have at least one kid. Propagate your genes, otherwise you're just living to consume, if you're not a Worthy.Nairn
    • I used to be a 'suicide for gaia' kind of guy, but then saw the worthless multitudes crotchspawning all over the place, and figured some balance was required.Nairn
    • I have a best friend who Won't Have Kids, and so it'll fuck his Otherwise Very Good relationship. I find it such a shame, because he'd have so much to offerNairn
    • it annoys me that there'll be 16 shithead children against the 0 that a friend who is clever, successful, smart and humble will ever not create.Nairn
    • Western/Moden societies have negative growth rates, so having 'a' kid isn't necessarily selfish and anti-Gaia. So many smart people not passing on thatNairn
    • </incoherent deathboy ranting>Nairn
    • Absolutely NOT true! I told my now husband when we were dating that if he evert wanted kids he should go date someone else. Still childless after 15 years!mapleT
    • @op. maybe she simply just don't want kids? instead of you thinking she doesn't know what she wants?pango
    • Some people don't want or can't have kids.
      I appreciate that is your experience shaft, but not everyone is driven to pass on their genetics.
    • Especially if you have dud genes.thumb_screws
    • Holy fkn shit.. "..It's the only thing that really matters in the end." THAT has to be the most insensitive and ignorant comment today. SMdHsea_sea
    • don't worry someone else will top it tomorrow. but for today, you win.
    • I don't have kids and I'm grateful for it everyday.CyBrainX
    • How odd for me - I'd never heard the term before and today the BBC has an article on anti-natalists…Nairn
    • It is brutally insensitive and "a dick thing to say", I apologise for my inconsiderate honesty.shaft
    • lol @nairn. I've been one since my early 20s, but funny how life works that way. To paraphrase Lewis Black:garbage
    • "Your friend tells you that there's a bear shittin' in the woods. You're like 'That's crazy.' And the next day the bear is following you around."garbage
    • To be clear I'm not militant about it. I just don't like kids and have zero paternal instincts.garbage
    • To be clear, I hate kid.pango
    • lol, love you pangz.garbage
  • jmckinno2

    Finding someone you really connect to is hard. It get harder the older you get. If you really like her, just put the whole kids thing aside, embrace what you love about her.

    The kids thing shouldn't be a deal breaker.

    • But I get why it could be a deal breaker for some. I feel your sentiment but the reality is that for some, having kids is a must.ben_
    • People's priorities have a funny way of changing though.ben_
  • cannonball19780

    Oh man she wants to come over tomorrow night and have a talk, and and I feel like theres going to be some crying.

    • Probably, but in the end, it will be for the best.ApeRobot
  • ben_3

    Is her opinion a philosophical one, or is it rooted in something else like her career, her free time (with you), scared of the physical aspects of it, etc.?

    Never is a long time, and people's opinions on having kids seem to have a habit of changing according to their context - so if you want to be a parent someday perhaps there's still time to see where things go. But if she's against being a parent at her core (keep in mind you don't have to birth a child to be a parent) and that matters to you, maybe just peace out and save yourself heartache and frustration.

    • Philosophical. Plus were both 40 so theres the opportunity cliff.cannonball1978
    • Well there's no opportunity cliff for you provided your junk's in good order. Just kidding, good luck man!ben_
    • If she's 40 it's start trying now, or never.Nairn
    • Even for men - we've got another decade or so, and then there's increased risk of abnormalities, tending towards the autistic spectrumNairn
    • Yeah, I guess that's fair Nairn. It's more of a hill for men than it is a cliff though.ben_
  • cannonball19787

    Ok so... plot thickens: she found out yesterday morning that shes pregnant. Came over tonight and told me.

    • Oh, dear.
      Err ... congrats?
    • What?!?jmckinno
    • Oh .. wow. haha, Enjoy the ride - get your sleep in now!Nairn
    • wth - i thought she didn't want kids? so why did she let you impregnate her?hans_glib
    • Get in bed for sleep for the next six months... And congrats!OBBTKN
    • Hey man, you put your wants out into the universe and look what happened!ben_
    • Thoughts are things.robotron3k
    • Mazel tov!Gnash
    • Is it yours?fooler
    • Plot thickens indeed...ideaist
    • Nice timingdrgs
    • I blame hormones: She's just confused. And that you have to understand. And hey: Concrats. :) Enjoy every minute.Longcopylover
    • Assuming it's yours, has her outlook on being a parent changed? Did you talk about a life together moving forward ... as parents? Are YOU okay with this?monospaced
    • if so, congrats!monospaced
    • Well, its still early and we still can decide what we (she) want to do now. But its a thing and I’m sure its mine. My stuff works!cannonball1978
    • Probably a good time to put a ring on that finger. You can bet that she's feeling some anxiety about what the future holds. A safe environment is so important.monNom
    • And the calculus becomes much different if she's not certain you're going to be around next year. If she's got you, that makes baby easy.monNom
    • So congrats! Fatherhood is likely the toughest and most rewarding thing you can do. You've never smiled so much as you do with kids.monNom
    • don't sign yourself up for a lifetime of resentment by pressuring motherhood on a person who doesn't want it. best of luck!dorf
    • ^Continuity
    • Like any average, decent bloke has had fuck all say in what a woman decides she's going to do.Nairn
    • I think thats my take on it. There are options and its to me to be supportive and talk through each one with her so she can make the most informed decision.cannonball1978
    • if you want to be a father now, let her knowmonospaced
    • She had a talk with you about not wanting kids while she knew she was pregnant?zarkonite
    • @zark, that's what I thought, unless she found out right after that talk.monospaced
    • Found out after, and now her head is turning a little on itcannonball1978
    • wow, I betmonospaced
  • Ianbolton2

    I think this now changes the whole basis of this entire thread? How did that chat go?

    On a side note, I've had that same chat then subsequently told it's not even mine. So reassure us that it's yours! ;-)

    Hope you're good man.

  • shaft1

    Tell her you wouldn't have been with her had you not thought she was a wonderful woman who was going to be an incredible and fulfilled mother... :)

    • Or tell her you've been reconsidering your position on having kids.ben_
  • _niko20

    cannonball in a few years:

    j/k hope it all works out man! Kids are incredible.

  • colin_s6

    this is a classic thread

  • GM2782

  • ernexbcn0

    yeah this a troll post

  • cannonball19784

    Dude these last 24 hours have been such a rollercoaster I just want to take a long ass fn nap.

  • shaft3

    The suspense is unbearable...

    I mean, I hope you guys are all right!

  • zarkonite1

    You should screenshot this thread to show your kid if you guys decide to keep him/her.

  • cannonball197814

    After an hour driving around the valley trying to find a doctor who’d see us, and then staying next to her as she endured painful examinations and fainted from needles, it was confirmed that we lost it. Looking at our ages, chances fall somewhere around 60-65% that the pregnancy survives past 4-5 weeks (some of you may know survival curves skyrocket once a heartbeat can be finally detected).

    We’re both crestfallen but strangely closer from the experience. It’s weird that I feel ashamed— I don’t want to see her friends or mom or sister and I am totally hiding from what their faces will look like. And suddenly there are children everywhere in the world, like I hadn’t noticed them before.

    I don’t know what’ll happen to our relationship but I’m out of town for a few days for my little sisters wedding which we agree will give us both time to think.

    Kind or perverse to continue writing this on QBN but I guess I maybe want to feel some sense of a story ending now that I’m back at my place staring into my refrigerator. Thanks for listening.

    • Not perverse at all, thanks for sharing. To some of us your story will sound familiar, to others it will be enlightening. Be well.spl33nidoru
    • back to the beginning. big question remains. popcorn gif.deathboy
    • wow what a rollercoaster few days. you both need time to process what just happened, let the emotional fog clear.hans_glib
    • Wow.....pango
    • It's difficult for me to write sth, that doesn't just sound superficial. But if it helps you, just keep on writing here. If not, do not care about us.Longcopylover
    • And what spl33nidoru said.Longcopylover
    • All the feelz dude. Hang in there.
    • Hope you can see the positives of being so open about whats going on with us man. It's hard, but we're virtually here for ya - in spirit ;-)Ianbolton
    • all the best man, it's hard and it happens to a lot of people, try not to feel ashamed - it's completely normal.ben_
    • How did all of this happen in one weekdrgs
    • despite cannons casual vibe -- shit sound so intense. hope you figure it out fellow qbeen.inteliboy
    • Will be a melancholy memory, but resile yourself; it was purely natural process. You did your best, she needs you to be strong. Think what she has to live with.BustySaintClaire
    • Thanks for sharing this. Real life hurts. It's not strange that you are closer either. Sounds to me like you need each other, hold on.sea_sea
    • This is nothing shameful in this. Life can be tough, but you're strong. We are here for you!nocomply
    • But that being said, you gotta keep us updated. We're all invested in this plot now and we're rooting for you. :)nocomply
    • Miscarriages are difficult and seem to be somewhat of a regular occurrence for people, they just never talk about it.ayport
    • When my wife and I went through several, times were tough. It's through experiences like this with people, that you realize how strong you can be together.ayport
    • Life will get better.ayport
    • Side note: Even though this song contributed to my frustrations XTC's song 'Dear God' seemed to help out a bit.…ayport
    • I'm really sorry to hear this. On the positive, from what I understand, it means it's likely for you two to conceive again soon, if you decide to.shaft
  • microkorg2

    It's crazy the odds of a pregnancy lasting past the early few weeks. It's something you don't even know or realise until you are trying to have a kid. We had a couple of easly losses and were told it was quite normal and told the odds.

    You are definitely right though, when having kids on your mind you notice them more, you notice the mums and dads pushing prams etc more. Hell, you even start to get to know the pram brands lol.

    Hope all goes well for you guys whichever path you choose together (or not) going forward!

    • Our whole pregnancy was rife with terror, trisomy scare, hypocoiled umbilical cord, weight issues. But now a strong little monster. It's a fucking rollercoasterben_
    • during that time, every kid we saw triggered some sort of emotion.ben_
    • Right. Under age 35, there's a 10% chance it doesn't take. After 30, it's a lot higher, nearing 40-50% when you get to 40-45 age. Odds still in your favor.monospaced
    • Don't think about the odds. Most people are in bad physical shape and eat poorly at 40, it's largely them who spoil the statistics.shaft