Successful relationships
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- exador14
my wife and I just celebrated our 20th anniversary this summer...
most of the stuff I've seen in this thread is pretty much on the money... don't neglect each other... have hobbies and interests outside of the relationship... shared values etc...and lots and lots and lots of laughing/jokes/humour....
- < 1000kOBBTKN
- hehehe +1OBBTKN
- sorry, I need to sleep a bitOBBTKN
- hahahaha.. i love you guys :)exador1
- Congrats! In an era when relations rarely last 2 years (let alone 2 months). You now know each other more than you do yourselves.BustySaintClaire
- comicsans7
Learn what is non-negotiable and what can be compromised. Regularly spend time apart from each other. Above all, trust; if that goes all else is an illusion.
- uan5
love
- mg332
On a more serious note though, my wife and I have been together for 17 years, married for 7. Relationships and marriages comes with all sorts of ups and downs and lulls and victories and more.
But the one thing I've found works for me: often, even if subconsciously, treat my wife as if she's someone I just met that I don't want to lose out on a future with. It makes me do all the little things you should do early in a relationship, and helps me not take for granted all the small things. Opening doors... being polite... knowing when she needs some time to herself... so much more. It also extends to things I do for myself: staying in shape, eating healthy, being stylish, all the almost inconsequential things that when combined make you who you are and why anyone wants to be with you.
Because all too often, people get married and ALL THAT SHIT STOPS. You've got to keep up with the little things that make you YOU, and make you desirable to the other person.
- a_aachen2
A few years back I wrote a theatrical play together with a couple therapist. He said in a nutshell all conflicts in a partnership can be reduced to this: Do I belong to me or do I belong to you.
- Morning_star2
Honesty, selflessness, patience and understanding.
Learn how to resolve your conflicts. It's not about 'winning' the argument but finding the right solution.
Also, have things (hobbies, sports, friends) that are your own and don't include your partner.
Finally, the number one rule - NEVER share a social media account. If you do your relationship is already doomed and you look like cunts.
- I'm constantly perplexed by the fucking downvote cowards in this place. What attracted the downvote??Morning_star
- mugwart3
Honesty and talking.
Friends can become best friends can become lovers can become life partners. The combination is infinite but everyone has issues and different ways of thinking - talking off issues and not suffering in silence is key to everything.
- monNom1
A strong initial attraction never hurts!, then shared values and good communication.
Then figure out what love is to your partner and make an effort to do those things (is it flowers? Is it taking care of housework? cooking meals? Cuddling? Spontaneous trips?). A little extra effort goes a long way, and ideally your partner wants to do the same for you. Then presto, a great lasting relationship.
You really need those first things though. If you don't share values, especially with respect to money, family, religion, etc. You're doomed. That conflict wont go away.
- I don't share the same values as my wife when it comes to money and religion, and those aren't issues whatsoever.monospaced
- monNom, thanks...notype
- garbage1
@mg33
Totally agreed. My girlfriend and I have been shacked up for 5-ish years, but we don't bother with remembering an anniversary. I still introduce her as my roommate.
Never stop trying to impress, never stop trying to engage, and never cook dinner like you're not trying to get dessert.
If those things don't come naturally, you're probably with the wrong person.
- prophetone1
pick your battles
- mg330
6 Elderly Couples Share Their Secrets To A Long, Happy Marriage
https://lifestyle.clickhole.com/…
For example:
“Keep things surprising! For the first few years we were married, whenever we’d set a date night, Carl would show up with more teeth than he had before. Sometimes only one, other times a whole pearly bunch. No matter what, it was a thrill. It seemed like there was no limit to how many teeth he could have. That kept things exciting for a long time, and when it began to get staid, he started showing up with fewer teeth, or bigger ones, or little tiny baby’s teeth. Well, that’s been carrying us through till today.”
- Projectile1
Had a rocky start to my one, broke it off after a year.
Then we got back together and talked for literally a few very painful weeks about why we kept arguing, and all her major issues were stuff I could change in a heartbeat - it was just never clear what she was actually pissed about. (eg: She'd get pissed when I went out and it was clear I didn't want her there. All I had to do was say "boys night" instead of being cagey about it)
Turns out the reverse was true as well, she had no idea how much certain things bothered me. But when we argued about it, we were just arguing, and defending ourselves instead of listening.
The lesson: Resist the urge to get defensive. If yr partner gets defensive with you, stop talking. Reset, and bring it up later when emotions are chill.
"hey you really upset me yesterday" is a lot more effective than "fucking stop that!"
Get that down, add some good sex, the occasional festival and you've got a LTR in the bag
- pango0
oh boy... all my relationship ended before a year...
- monospaced0
Compromise and being able to at least try to see things from another’s point of view. Good sex. Allowing each other to play to their strengths and act as a team when necessary.
- mono, these points are tried and true from what I've read. Especially seeing the others PoV. Good to get your thoughts.notype
- detritus0
"Pick your battles"!
...Also, battle. Don't be afraid to have an argument. Like a festering post-spicy food rumbling down below, shit's better out than in.
- robotron3k-2
- Why are you so scared of women? You always frame them as inferior or conniving.monospaced
- All you’re doing here is announcing that you have no advice or experience.monospaced
- Bro, I gotta experience up the ying Yang with the ladies, white girls love us Latin dudes. Buy you do need to carry a ladies bags if you want one. I know.robotron3k
- When you follow your drivel with more ignorant nonsense ... That’s how i know you’re completely full of shit. alone and a total pussy when it comes women.monospaced
- doh! i hit a nerve!robotron3k
- which line was it? "white girls love us Latin dudes" or "you need to carry a ladies bag if you want one"...robotron3k
- It’s neither. Clearly women in general hit a nerve with you, triggering you to write stupid shit and exposing your bigotry and ignorance.monospaced
- It’s painfully obvious that you have no experience with successful relationships and have no desire to. Your troll post only shows what a sad fuck you are.monospaced
- I’m really just bothered that you found the need to post here and not actually contribute. I feel sad for you that you ended up with so much hate.monospaced
- That you can’t resist the urge to troll and make up lies to tell yourself as an excuse for failing in love. Is it a protection mechanism? I suppose.monospaced
- boobs0
Don't worry about it. If it's good you'll stay together. If it's not you can be in a totally different one before the weekend.
It's like death, you know? If you think about it too much, it will drive you crazy.
- BonSeff0
1. underlying love
2. +1 prophetone: "pick your battles"
- pr20
Sex.
Mutual attraction.
Jealousy games.
Buying into the gender roles more than the society wants us to.
Ability to hold a deep conversation rejecting superficiality.(together for 10 years. married for 5)