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Tar and Feather the fucker (I read your FB post this morning)...
Don't leave him out there to keep doing this to other women. If you have the consistent proof that he's a piece of shit... take his ass down.
And tell him... like all Superbowl commercials... his sucked too. :)
You should be able to go to HR or the higher ups and have him disciplined, I'm sure you're not the only one who's complained about him. If the company doesn't take action they could be held responsible.
Or just get some homies to scare the shit out of him.
- not worth a fig, this isn't about that assholes job, HR can't do crap about on what level a dickhead he is.
last line makes more sense...sted
- Here's my real fear. I could make 50k+ in contracts if i tried. He could stop that, or the agency might want to put distance between them and this situation.shellie
- Stead is feeling me on this. Everyone says HR bit i think the system is set up to forgive and protect him and maybe fire him silently months later.shellie
- not worth a fig, this isn't about that assholes job, HR can't do crap about on what level a dickhead he is.
Remeber when i pushed this thread 9 months ago before #metoo? Where's the reckoning in our industry? it's been oddly quiet but they're no better than Hollywood.
- I've questioned whether or not this will trickle-down through other industries outside of Hollywood / Politics (here on QBN)... and got DVed for it...PonyBoy
- ... perhaps because I was specific to the Hip Hop side of the music industry... regardless it's fucking time this shit stopped everywhere.PonyBoy
- man i saw singe xmas party photos that agencies should be ashamed if this year.shellie
- That actually would make a great tumblr page, sketchy agency pics...robotron3k
- What would constitute a "reckoning"? Kinda vague.cannonball1978
- cannon, i'd call a reckoning at this point, just about anyone notable going down. It's just impossible these guys are all angels. All my experiences were inshellie
- ad industry specifically. That's surprising even to me, considering I stated in and now work again on music on the business side with no harassment problems.shellie
Thi whole thread is fucked up
So, Shellz, I assume you've slept on the situation ... what're you going to do next?
I assume this guy is still employed in an agency, and not freelancing? If not, take it up with the agency's Managing Director. See what happens.
Is the agency in question relatively well-known in the broader industry (not just in the States)? Because if it is, then I would suggest the following if the MD of the shop pretends everything is cool:
1) Take the offending messages to the cops, and have him charged with harassment (which should be done in any case), and;
2) Scoop the big industry trade journals (double-check the legality of it) with said messages. I'm sure AdAge & Co would have a field day, if the agency in question is well-enough known.
I look forward to reading about to shitstorm. :D
- *about _the_ shitstormContinuity
- And I might also add: this situation sucks from beginning to end, and I'm REALLY sorry you're going through that. No-one should have to tolerate that.Continuity
- Oh wow. Attention on fb and here seems like a lot. I can't imagine publishing a legit industry rag story. But if the other womenshellie
- Spoke up too it would be huge. One is a very sr producer and one is now an exect for a huge game publisher.shellie
- The thing is, this really is a hot topic in the industry right now, and the more voices like yours that go out into the public eye, the better, in my view.Continuity
- And also with the cops: I don't know what it's like wherever you are, but I know in Canada and here in Germany, this is a criminal offence.Continuity
- What he's doing, I mean.Continuity
- its too nuanced for criminal offense I think. He says my "face is sex" and he'll "venmo me ho" and im a "slut" hes not saying he will rape me or he's outsideshellie
- my window.shellie
- i've seen that things like stalking cases in the united states (unattached to a business or work situation) is hard to get traction on.shellie
- you're right but notifying the police helps them build a case if it escalates. Patterns of behaviours are important in convicting someone. He'll have a mark onzarkonite
- his file and if it happens a lot they can take the next step. I filed a complaint for assault once and I wasn't the first one and it led to some consequenceszarkonite
- even though I didn't have material proof of the assault.zarkonite
Be careful in how you approach this. For sure consult an attorney so you can see what you can leverage but make sure you understand any recourse that will be available to him and be prepared for any fallout as the result of a public shaming.
Anything equivalent to a slap on the wrist might not teach him (or other offenders) and only serve to further exacerbate the issue between you two and possibly cause irreparable damage to your career. (who knows who else he's buddies with in the industry that you'd want to work with that might side with him.)
Maybe a (anonymous) letter to AdAge detailing the situation?
Btw, I didn't believe until recently that men actually harass women with dick pics and apparently no amount of retaliation deters them. What the hell is wrong with my gender?
- Im afraid of the backlash, even if u take the highest road to some sort of action about this. That's my biggest fear and what keeps other women silent.shellie
- I know and I'm sorry you're in this situation. :/SteveJobs
- Take the low road. Grind him down slowly. Start messing with him. Low key stuff, such as Craigslist AD offering ladyboy service, direct to his number etc.fruitsalad
- Try to always inject a joke about his small member when in meetings. Loudly make a joke in his presence how he wanted to show it to you, but you didn't havefruitsalad
- your microscope handy.fruitsalad
- Leave a small cocktail frankfurter outside his office door everyday. Just subtly drop it on your way past in the morning.fruitsalad
- Print out those messages he sent and post them in the ladies toilets at work. Make sure everyone female in that office knows what he really is like.fruitsalad
Eh forge this HR crap at most places they are just servants.
If you really want to a fuck with his dignity find the most powerful woman at the agency and start a conversation with her. Believe me it will not be difficult to achieve what you want. But this won't change the man.
The best is to ask a friend who you trust to kick his ass and leave a message. Nothing serious just that he will know that this is going to happen each time when he does something like that.
Shellie, one more argument in favour of taking this to the industry journals:
Obviously, your first choice is to go to the proper channels — in this case, straight to the managing director. This is happening under his watch (I;m assuming it's a 'him'). It's the reputation of his agency that's on the line and — by extension — his own. It's in his best interest to deal with your case swiftly and decisively.
If he doesn't — and it wouldn't surprise me if he decides your case hasn't got merit — then he is automatically complicit. It would be a tacit endorsement of this CD's behaviour, which must absolutely be called out.
I understand that this is a deeply hurtful and menacing situation which you would like to be able to glide through without a confrontation that will break you and lead to nothing ... but really — as a woman — you can't sit there and be silent. Your silence will be an allowance for this kind of shit to continue throughout the industry.
You have a really golden opportunity, here, to further the cause of women not just in advertising, but everywhere they work, regardless of the industry.
I'm real sorry to hear you have to go through that bullshit.
Coming from a sr manager position at a large corporation, you are protected when bringing this to the attention of HR. That is to say, if HR and this person aren't part of some bullshit corporate alliance. I know for a fact at my last company HR took a claim from a woman I know seriously and fired the offending person the next day. However, I've also heard of a few large companies that have fired the person making the claim for some pretty b.s. reasons. If you know some of (or the) person who leads your HR department and are comfortable and confident they're legit, bring your documentation and claim to them immediately.
- great advice... that internal 'corporate alliance' shit can be hell to cut throughPonyBoy
- "bullshit corporate alliance" also means drinking buddies? :Dsted
- last time I did something similar they turned the case against me saying that i'm racist lol.new ceo wanted to fill the place with cheap workforce from indiasted
- and they where some high level assholes with zero office culture.sted
Is there a way to post the messages to you and other victims anonymously?
- There is power in numbers, so it would be good to have the others agree to anonymously share the harassment somehow.instrmntl
- I think lots of sexual harrassment will end because of this, but also will promotions for women and trust of women will change immensely.robotron3k
- by this, i mean the #MeToo movementrobotron3k
One of the first things that popped into my head, shellie, was possibly mediation (finding a mediator?)...
although by the time I finished reading your post it was kind of sounding to me that this guy actually needs help- definitely displaying psychopath behavior, but I wouldn't rule out a mediator potentially, it might wake him up (and might very well be as effective as a lawyer)
Not certain, but can you get thoughts from freelancers union as well.
Sucks that this is happening, I hope that folks on his social media platforms do call him out on his behavior.
All else fails... I like _niko's advice!
One think I'd be careful about is to be certain that his behavior falls firmly in the workplace harassment bucket before taking him to the mat. That means that you have already communicated CLEARLY to him that you don't want the attention he is giving you, and that he is persisting after you have given him warnings.
Certainy, his behavior is unprofessional in a work place, but if this isn't happening in the work place then make sure you aren't bleeding personal life and professinal life. That means it would be harder for you to repremand him through work if his behavior isn't occurring at work.
I re-read your post and you insinuate two things without providing any information:
1) That his string of messages was gross. Sure. Guys sometimes say gross stuff thinking that it would be recieved well, and it isn't clear that this happened AFTER you told him to stop. Being gross doesn't necessarily mean harassment if he has no notion of how you are taking his advances. Be clear that he belongs in the harassment bucket ABOVE AND BEYOND the "all girls think he is gross" bucket. Although it's slight, there is a difference.
2) You mention that you took steps to protect yourself from physical abuse. Why? Did he physically harm you? Did he cause you to feel you need to do that by saying somethign menacing? Obviously safety is paramount in any situation, but it would be unfair to insinuate that you need to protect yourself from physical harm in the same breath as accusing him of being creepy if the guy isn't actually a physical threat. Be real about this, because if you aren't, you are painting a person as a physical threat when they aren't, and you get things like this thread where you have 20 responses of "OMG are you okay?" When you are clearly a woman capable of handling your shit.
Now, go forth and dish out justice.
sad to read this story Shellie, I work in advertising for years and I see it repeatedly, specially back in Brazil, and it is not something that can be solved just by calling out sexist comments, ad people are like that, i guess inherited from older people in the industry, but this has to stop.
that's a really tough situation when you're a vendor and not inside his working network, otherwise you could just report him to HR and he would face serious trouble.
I've read someone on your FB post saying that you should get in touch with some other woman that works inside his company to help dealing with it, I guess that's a great start
really hope he gets what he deserves and stop with this behavior with other/younger woman.
just wanted to add that no, you're not getting a stained name for doing it, it is your right to point out this situation
and if so, you're only filtering out horrible people from getting your amazing work talent
you don't need them, they need you, your expertise and talent, not the other way around, they're not the last company in the world
so just keep that in mind, that your work is valuable and appreciated <3
Ask a friend to pay him a visit.
Is he CD at the company you work for? or just a company you know of?
Tar and Feather the c*nt!
Start with screenshots of your (and friends) messenger messages from him if you still have them. Make them into posters and stick them around the office and forward them to too with the story behind it.
What a knob and his poor fiancee. She needs to know.
- Im a vendor on record, nor a staff employee. I originally met him at another agency. The world is small. We've crossed like that many times.shellie
- His fisnce couldn't know him very well cos i caught his creep vibe day 1.shellie
- This guy is in LA and you are in NY, do you rely on him for getting projects?robotron3k
- i have never rely on him for projects but I do work for the agency. Most of my ad work comes from LA. Most of my entertainment work comes from NY.shellie
- thats not to say that he couldn't make a fuss and get in the way of contracts I want to bid on. & we haven't been assigned to the same projects but we could.shellie
- There's also the fact that he could be gone in a couple years and get a job at any of the other agencies I work with. We've crossed at other agencies before.shellie
- I'm not going to avoid whole agencies because there's one person I don't like there. That would be foolish and even dumber for my bank account.shellie
LOL.. i thought this thread was going to
Sexual Harassment in Advance
In regards to bklyndroobek'si comment ^
He's more than likely on the psycho spectrum, If you've seen or read any lectures by Dr Kevin Dutton (oxford uni), you'll see his findings:
Media + Sales = Ad agency = large number of high functioning psychos.
I think all that have worked in the AD and media industry have come across some pretty nasty/creepy fellows who's behaviour has been incomprehensible, when you take on board Dr Kevin Dutton's research it all starts to make sense.
- In one of his lectures he said if you find out that you're married to a psycho, even if they are a high functioning successful person, CEO etc, you should leavefruitsalad
- immediately, and not look back. The condition ultimately means they don't feel emotions like normal people.fruitsalad
- I am a sociopath, I have no feelings, like Dexter. But I do not murder, cos it's bad.robthelad