This is funny!!!
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- ********
Apparently this is going around NY at the moment. 1st is a girl's apology email for cheating on some bloke. 2nd is his reply which was Bcc'd to his entire address book.
APOLOGY:
Brad,It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person. It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something.
The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you. It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behaviour didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time. Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about". You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting
to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar. To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blond who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector. I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last Saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I BCC'd about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad
Ouch....
- tank0
ouch.
- jevad0
HAHAHAHAHHA
- rasko40
oh my goodness - yowch
- tank0
must say, the guy got wrting skills...could be kj's little brother ;)
- algorithm0
that has got to be the best response ever.
- ********0
they both sound a bit like bitter long winded rants...but is funny shit...45 min in the bathroom while he was at the bar... :O
- robrockstar0
funny.
- rasko40
There is a twist in that story to do with the concern of others, which in retrospective makes this mans email seem pathetic and peurile once you see past the immediate hilarity of the humilation.
Whereby at least the girl is innocent for her actions by way of the fact that she is a) stupid and was b) drunk
the guy however seems a) callous, calculating, (plus quite likely, manipulative; seeing as rarely would an intelligent person be attracted to someone as stupid as he paints) and b) the quickness in which he the self confessed 'superior' berates and demeans in front of others the weaker of the pair, a match only the fallible would dare call fair or worthy.
I would say that past the quick wittedness of this mans malicious email lies a deeply hurt individual whom has probably done himself more damage than had he dealt with matters in a more gentlemanly manner.
- jevad0
lol at raspo
- ********0
funny read... hahahahha
- ********0
lol. rasko!!
- forcetwelve0
that is fkn hilarious! like all the words you want in those times, but never seem to have...
classic
- mg330
Now that's Over The Top!
- jimeeboy510
he shoulda attached a photo of her while he was at it. maybe even her cell for a good time.
- ********0
A photo would have iced it!!
- Ramanisky20
Brad is my hero
so eloquently put .......
- mg330
the use of "cum-guzzling" hits like a bomb.
- ********0
raspo = carver = teacher
admit it
- blaw0
reminds me of a "if it ain't true it oughta be" story i heard a handful of years ago.
guy and girl break up.
girl seeks revenge by performing various acts on several other guys, has photos taken.
girl mails photos to guy.
guy mails photos to girl's dad.
- kyl30
ah shit blaw, that a good one