Treading water.
Out of context: Reply #25
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I feel temporary in everything I do, in every place I live. I have no benchmark to measure progress, I have no plan, I know not where I want to be.
I have this feeling that I am always going to be like this.
You know how some people just stayed at home and fitted into something, like they belonged and things fell into place around them? I sometimes wonder what it is like to be like that. Sometimes I feel jealous that they seem so happy with their holiday brochures and ikea sundays, mostly I realise that actually they are dull TV watchers, radio times buyers, non thinkers, John Grisham readers. I think they are smug and detestable car buyers of car magazines, I think they know nothing of originality or creativity, I think they are the 80% drones of consumerism. mindless, soulless idiots.
But then I wonder if this is some form of transference, a defence mechanism of my own subconcious, protecting me in my bubble as I float across the gardens, towards the rose beds thick with thorns.
rasko4
(Apr 21 05, 05:18)Would it not be quite comforting to have such low benchmarks though. To conform. I mean, if you were unaware of what you were and had no interest in understanding your place in the grand scheme of things, it would be easy. Dull, but easy.