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Is there a way to post the messages to you and other victims anonymously?
- There is power in numbers, so it would be good to have the others agree to anonymously share the harassment somehow.instrmntl
- I think lots of sexual harrassment will end because of this, but also will promotions for women and trust of women will change immensely.robotron3k
- by this, i mean the #MeToo movementrobotron3k
Remeber when i pushed this thread 9 months ago before #metoo? Where's the reckoning in our industry? it's been oddly quiet but they're no better than Hollywood.
- I've questioned whether or not this will trickle-down through other industries outside of Hollywood / Politics (here on QBN)... and got DVed for it...PonyBoy
- ... perhaps because I was specific to the Hip Hop side of the music industry... regardless it's fucking time this shit stopped everywhere.PonyBoy
- man i saw singe xmas party photos that agencies should be ashamed if this year.shellie
- That actually would make a great tumblr page, sketchy agency pics...robotron3k
- What would constitute a "reckoning"? Kinda vague.cannonball1978
- cannon, i'd call a reckoning at this point, just about anyone notable going down. It's just impossible these guys are all angels. All my experiences were inshellie
- ad industry specifically. That's surprising even to me, considering I stated in and now work again on music on the business side with no harassment problems.shellie
Ask a friend to pay him a visit.
Is he CD at the company you work for? or just a company you know of?
Tar and Feather the c*nt!
Start with screenshots of your (and friends) messenger messages from him if you still have them. Make them into posters and stick them around the office and forward them to too with the story behind it.
What a knob and his poor fiancee. She needs to know.
- Im a vendor on record, nor a staff employee. I originally met him at another agency. The world is small. We've crossed like that many times.shellie
- His fisnce couldn't know him very well cos i caught his creep vibe day 1.shellie
- This guy is in LA and you are in NY, do you rely on him for getting projects?robotron3k
- i have never rely on him for projects but I do work for the agency. Most of my ad work comes from LA. Most of my entertainment work comes from NY.shellie
- thats not to say that he couldn't make a fuss and get in the way of contracts I want to bid on. & we haven't been assigned to the same projects but we could.shellie
- There's also the fact that he could be gone in a couple years and get a job at any of the other agencies I work with. We've crossed at other agencies before.shellie
- I'm not going to avoid whole agencies because there's one person I don't like there. That would be foolish and even dumber for my bank account.shellie
Thi whole thread is fucked up
So, Shellz, I assume you've slept on the situation ... what're you going to do next?
I don't have much to offer on the subject sorry but the back-seat-driver in me says definitely spread the word about him. we can always assist in making it viral as possible.
Expose that peice of shit. I know it's a tricky one having the attention put on you for exposing him. Maybe have a friend do it under the guise of you not particularly wanting to...
In regards to bklyndroobek'si comment ^
He's more than likely on the psycho spectrum, If you've seen or read any lectures by Dr Kevin Dutton (oxford uni), you'll see his findings:
Media + Sales = Ad agency = large number of high functioning psychos.
I think all that have worked in the AD and media industry have come across some pretty nasty/creepy fellows who's behaviour has been incomprehensible, when you take on board Dr Kevin Dutton's research it all starts to make sense.
- In one of his lectures he said if you find out that you're married to a psycho, even if they are a high functioning successful person, CEO etc, you should leavefruitsalad
- immediately, and not look back. The condition ultimately means they don't feel emotions like normal people.fruitsalad
- I am a sociopath, I have no feelings, like Dexter. But I do not murder, cos it's bad.robthelad
One think I'd be careful about is to be certain that his behavior falls firmly in the workplace harassment bucket before taking him to the mat. That means that you have already communicated CLEARLY to him that you don't want the attention he is giving you, and that he is persisting after you have given him warnings.
Certainy, his behavior is unprofessional in a work place, but if this isn't happening in the work place then make sure you aren't bleeding personal life and professinal life. That means it would be harder for you to repremand him through work if his behavior isn't occurring at work.
I re-read your post and you insinuate two things without providing any information:
1) That his string of messages was gross. Sure. Guys sometimes say gross stuff thinking that it would be recieved well, and it isn't clear that this happened AFTER you told him to stop. Being gross doesn't necessarily mean harassment if he has no notion of how you are taking his advances. Be clear that he belongs in the harassment bucket ABOVE AND BEYOND the "all girls think he is gross" bucket. Although it's slight, there is a difference.
2) You mention that you took steps to protect yourself from physical abuse. Why? Did he physically harm you? Did he cause you to feel you need to do that by saying somethign menacing? Obviously safety is paramount in any situation, but it would be unfair to insinuate that you need to protect yourself from physical harm in the same breath as accusing him of being creepy if the guy isn't actually a physical threat. Be real about this, because if you aren't, you are painting a person as a physical threat when they aren't, and you get things like this thread where you have 20 responses of "OMG are you okay?" When you are clearly a woman capable of handling your shit.
Now, go forth and dish out justice.
LOL.. i thought this thread was going to
Sexual Harassment in Advance
Stay out of this. This will only blow up in your face and there is nothing to gain for you other than saving some imagined young women.
People use power to advance in life - that's how the world works. Likewise, others chose to engage with said powers or disengage (with the possibility of losing out as you bring up this possibility yourself). There is nothing you can do other than simply gain more power so his power doesn't affect you.
My ex gf in her youth while inspiring to be an actress was wooed by an Oscar wining director. Sexual things have happened and although the experience has left a mark of disgust in her, she also admitted that she has grown from the encounter. We basically don't know how things turn out until they do happen. We can only presume what might happen to those young naive women but reality it's a bit more complex. You are dealing with adults so let them make their own decisions/mistakes.
IMO this is a tough one. Especially if you no longer work for the company or rely on the company for freelance. Notifying HR is not always the best choice. The point being all employees work for the company and Human Resources IS actually the company. Notifying them put you on the radar more than the guy and they want to protect themselves from lawsuits from you first, not him. So just be aware if you do, as you're going to have to regurgitate all the things he's done over again and send in evidence to the HR dept. All if which would be awkward af. Even if you ask HR for advice on the side, it's still going to be executed as a written complaint. So be aware.
Another thing, if this guy has charge of a big, high level account, and in with the client, you may not have a chance in hell, as it's dollars to the agency and that's what makes the world go around. (IMO, It will be almost impossible if the account is worth multimillion dollars and he goes drinking with the client...)
As he's counting on you to follow the rules and play by his game and it allows him to textually harass you. There are so many ways to get back at him, I think you need to think out of the box... like start a facebook group of mutual friends or have your boyfriend call him, or befriend his girlfriend, stuff like that...
- yeah this...sucks but this.
got a feeling you'll have to go around the houses to get so much dirt on him.
- my boyfriend offered to reach out to his fiance. i dont know about that. there can be social fallout from such a move.shellie
- & yes this is a big, multi million dollar account and this would be extremely embarrassing. I'm certain there's a pile of women that have the same story.shellie
- i don't stand a chance against their gaggle of lawyers.shellie
- reminds me of that scene in Network "The World is a Business" https://youtu.be/8jI…robotron3k
- This is awful advice. You're telling her to not bother because it might not achieve anything and he's good for bottom line? Really living up to reputation robo.monospaced
- HR is counting on this guy to follow the rules and play the game, and he's not. You should never be afraid to go to HR, and nobody should tell you to be.monospaced
- If anything this allows HR to address the issue and protect themselves from future lawsuits. Don't be bullied by a man into being too scared to speak up.monospaced
- If you go personal on this, contact his family or friends, then he really would have a reason to not take you seriously.monospaced
- I'm telling her to be aware of her outing him IF there is big money involved and i'm suggesting she think outside the box in terms of gaining "revenge"robotron3k
- shellie has to do something but a straight out play which might rock the company. This might have the company protecting itself.
So Shellie has to make sure..mugwart
- ... she is safe before making a move.mugwart
- I feel like you're telling her that she can't trust HR or other authorities, and should do something totally shady, which I personally think is bad advice.monospaced
- Because of the high amount of money involved in the org that allows this asshole to operate like this. Feh.monospaced
- I'm only say be cautions. A lot of peoples experiences with HR is that they protect their company first. As prick is a major player they might try to cover upmugwart
- yeah this...sucks but this.
One of the first things that popped into my head, shellie, was possibly mediation (finding a mediator?)...
although by the time I finished reading your post it was kind of sounding to me that this guy actually needs help- definitely displaying psychopath behavior, but I wouldn't rule out a mediator potentially, it might wake him up (and might very well be as effective as a lawyer)
Not certain, but can you get thoughts from freelancers union as well.
Sucks that this is happening, I hope that folks on his social media platforms do call him out on his behavior.
All else fails... I like _niko's advice!
sad to read this story Shellie, I work in advertising for years and I see it repeatedly, specially back in Brazil, and it is not something that can be solved just by calling out sexist comments, ad people are like that, i guess inherited from older people in the industry, but this has to stop.
that's a really tough situation when you're a vendor and not inside his working network, otherwise you could just report him to HR and he would face serious trouble.
I've read someone on your FB post saying that you should get in touch with some other woman that works inside his company to help dealing with it, I guess that's a great start
really hope he gets what he deserves and stop with this behavior with other/younger woman.
just wanted to add that no, you're not getting a stained name for doing it, it is your right to point out this situation
and if so, you're only filtering out horrible people from getting your amazing work talent
you don't need them, they need you, your expertise and talent, not the other way around, they're not the last company in the world
so just keep that in mind, that your work is valuable and appreciated <3
From my experience with a friend, HR couldn't do anything as the communications were not via work channels (aka in work place, work email etc). There is so many procedures that they have to follow, and are their to protect the firms reputation.
Maybe talk to them off the record without telling names first.
That said you much follow your heart and do what you think is right. Ive seen sexism on both sides and its a fucking disgrace.
I'd get the other girls together collate all the messages of communications and track his finance down. She has to know at least. This could be done anonymously as well. Once this has done the damage I would then move into the firm.
Another thing to take into account is how protected he is with this firm, i call it the funny handshake. (I'm from an old uk family so i say it a lot growing up.) be he one or not - he sounds very protected by the firm.
I have seen a lot of weird shit in my time so above all make sure your extremely paranoid and cover all your bases before you make your play.
Let us know if you need help.
Another idea is to go on the dark web and get a hacker. get as much dirt on him as possible. then take it to him and ask him to stop.