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My girlfriend hates her job and decided, on behalf of her therapist, to take a two week leave of absence. She's now going on her fourth week away from work.
She doesn't really have any close friends where we live, so a lot of her anxiety is put on me. She's texting and calling me in tears while I'm at work. It's a lot to deal with. I've read some blogs and depression articles, but frankly, I don't know what to do about it. I'm swamped between my full-time job, taking classes, and trying to complete two freelance projects. There's only so much, "baby, it'll be ok" in me. Her best friends live out of town, so I'm trying to reach out to them. Her mother is pretty stern and thinks she needs to "get over it".
Things are pretty rough right now being that her therapist is on vacation and her new depression medication supposedly takes about a month to start working. What's really bad is we've only been dating right at a year, and I'm starting to question my level of commitment.
Has anyone dealt with something like this before? How do you tell the other person things aren't as bad as it seems?
I'm not an expert and can't relate, but it does help I guess that she has her group of friends she can hang out with, not having that puts all the weight on you. Hope it gets better soon.
If she hates her job try to help her look for something else more motivating?
how far away from her friends/family is she? Did she move for you? If that's the case that's a rough one. I do wish you the best tho... Hope she finds an outlet, something positive and rewarding that she can redirect her feelings towards.
Regular exercise is an excellent way to boost your mood and get in shape.
Depression symptoms often improve with exercise.
In a study of people with serious depression that wasn't responding to an antidepressant, vigorous exercise was as effective.
It's no secret that exercise lifts mood, but some researchers believe it may even be powerful enough to treat depression.
- Maybe she is home-sick?
- Find her another job
- Make her watch "The Secret"
- (The Secret is about being positive)
- Invite her to learn a new skill or something to keep her busy?
always try to change the topic of the conversation to something good, the old fashioned "always look to the brighter side".
i have a friend who from time to time feels like that, all I can do is listen and try to push him to remembering good things, it seems to help!
Time to move on.
You are enabling her cycle of depression.
Hate to say it, but do you love each other? If she doesn't have many people around and you're not "the one", she might be really lost.
70% of people hate their jobs or something like that. They need hobbies and love and distractions to get them through.
sounds about time to ask for a three way
I'd think taking time off work is risky for a depressed person. If you don't go out and find exciting/fun things to do with yourself (which would be hard when you're depressed) you're almost definitely going to get more depressed.
a really long nice walk around a body of water should open her up to some fresh air, allow new thoughts to come in and also get her excited for something. I'm talking both of you go on this walk. You listen. Really listen. Then only offer advice if you have it. If you don't it is okay to say "I don't know". be outside.
just listen and be there
been in her shoes myself
it's hard to go out and do fun things when you're trapped in that mood, it's not as easy as snapping your fingers. be patient!
exercise, exercise, exercise
If you're serious about the relationship, you need to make more time for her. Full time + classes + 2 freelance gigs + laundry, cooking, cleaning, sleeping. Where's your quality time in all that?
She's probably lonely.
Consider taking up an activity together where you can build a network of shared friends that can take some of the pressure off you to be 'activity planner'/'therapist'. Maybe a church? Maybe a softball league?
I'm no doctor, but the long-term effects and dependency of depression meds almost seem like more of a curse than a benefit. if you have the option to change your circumstances to bring more joy into your life through community and companionship, do what it takes to move in that direction. Even if it's awkward at first, or out of character for you, the end benefits are worth it.
if you're not serious about her. Leave her now so she can get on with her life. As tough a decision as that is, it would be more cruel to string her along and take away her opportunity to be happy elsewhere.
Also been in this situation. I found there's nothing you can say to change how they feel. Agree above with exercise and getting outside - just drag her along even though she says she doesn't feel like it (you never do when you're down). Basically make sure she's living outside her head, quiet time alone is when it festers.
I agree: If you feel depressed, force yourself to do some hard exercise. It works so well.
Did she get this way before or after meds and visiting the rapist?
I have been in your shoes. Do you feel as though your relationship at any point has been interdependent?
Exercise, community and more time spent were suggested but being in a serious depression may make you not even want to leave the house.
This has worked for a few friends of mine (I also take e3live every now and again and do feel the boost; it's like spirulina but 100x's): http://www.e3live.com/, also VitaminD might help- SHORT TERM while she waits for her meds?
- laughter. super important.ohhhhhsnap
- Something to look into because most vitamin D is synthetic.
- shitaki mushroom recommended from personal experience.yurimon
- Have her ask her doc first: VitD in tincture http://www.luckyvita…ohhhhhsnap
- the liquid ones? you referring to?yurimon
- yeah yuriohhhhhsnap
- when i posted this... i didn't consider the option of you leaving. hold on brother. unless you're sure sure... like sea said...ohhhhhsnap
- said, do it now.ohhhhhsnap
^ to add to your comment... Niacin and B3 as matter of research.
- Dr. abram hoffer was original discoverer of its use in depression in 1950's research.yurimon
- right about the B and Niacin, my pops was recently depressed, that worked for him, like a charmmoldero
- no way, he's sellling a book all about it. Excellent!!Ianbolton
Get her pregnant, it'll give her something to focus on.
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Though some chicks go crazy post birth 3 fold.yurimon
- wow. spoke like a true redneck.sea_sea
- post birth depression. it a medical condition. I seen it happen to 3 guys I know.
Perfect befo- crazy after.yurimon
- look it up. sea_sea. You suffering from Post woman PC brainwashing? lolyurimon
- It's called postpartum depression.i_monk
- dude i'm not talking about ppd i'm talking about your "get her pregnant comment." sorry to break it to ya, that's pretty rednecky, like a child will come to fix things? quite the opposite if you ask me. he needs to work on his relationship before he can even contemplate a child.sea_sea
- rednecky, like a child will come to fix things? quite the opposite if you ask me. he needs to work on his relationship before he can even contemplate a childsea_sea
- can even contemplate a child. and everyone needs to chill the eff out and stop taking everything personal.sea_sea
- LOL coming from i_monk.pango
- i think i_monk was joking. kind of a rotten crack but typical ;)ohhhhhsnap
- i'm sure i_monk was joking, as was i to begin with. but coming from a gay guy, it did sound plenty sexist. just sayin.sea_sea
- I think you girl are high on testosterone and needs to get to back nature with your nurturing selves. do what you were made to doyurimon
- to do. I was half kiddin. on some thangs. now git. Those oven bellys aint goin to bake themselves.yurimon
- sea_sea, it's pretty typical. sexist misogynist bull. being gay doesn't give him a pass.ohhhhhsnap
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