Healthy Confrontations
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My friend and I have recently started talking about how most people tend to avoid a non-violent confrontation. They'd rather swallow their pride and not say anything about what's going on, than risk a non-violent verbal callout. So..this is an email I get this morning from my friend.
6:56 a.m., 86 degrees
Exxon Gas Station, RadburnGas. I need gas before making the commute to work. I pull into the local Exxon gas station, but the majority of the pumps are blocked off, so I’m forced to pull up in an awkward way, directly facing another car, a mini BMW. A woman in her late twenties is sitting in her car, gassing up, perhaps starting to sweat like myself. The type of fierce, nasty look she shoots me, you'd think I just killed her unborn children.
The audacity I had to gas up in such a way that now forces her to put her car in reverse as opposed to drive is obviously a huge fuckin’ offense. SO...
Like a gentleman I lift my sunglasses up so she can see my sincere, civil face. Through face gestures and hand language I tell her, in a really nice, jesting way, to calm down (hands facing palm down, motioning downward), it’s early in the morning (point to the imaginary watch on my wrist), and then wipe my forehead (the impending heat). Finally, I point to the blocked off gas pumps. That’s it. With a humbling embarrassment she looks away...end of exchange?
NO.
Then.
There’s a knock on my window.
6:57 a.m., 87 degrees
A man in his late forties/fifties is tapping on my window. He’s a big dude, a bit pudgy; his tight jeans, work-boots, and Chuck Lidell Affliction t-shirt tell me so.
SD lowers his window.
We’ll call him “Affliction”. I’ll be “SD”
Affliction – Bro., what did you say to that girl?
SD – Why?
*They’re far too many ‘bros. and ‘dudes to type into his dialogue, so I’ll leave the majority of them out.
Affliction – Dude, why were you yelling at the girl, bro.?
SD – I wasn’t yelling. I didn’t say a word. All I did was motion for her to calm down, relax. It’s early in the morning, it’s a scorcher (I didn’t say that), and to just generally relax, the majority of the pumps are closed off, and I had to grab this one.
Affliction – Bro., you shouldn’t talk to girls that way.
SD – I appreciate you confronting me on it, but that’s what I was doing to her in a friendly way, you know life is good, relax, I’m getting gas just like her.
Affliction – Bro., dude, that’s not right.
SD – Alright man.
Affliction wasn’t happy with our intelligent exchange, so he proceeded to stand by my car in protest. Uncomfortable, yes. Finally...
SD – What do you want to do? Beat the shit out of each other in a gas station parking lot because I have to get gas.
Affliction – Bro., whatever you want to do.
*At this time, in my head, I said, “Fuck this motherfucker.”
SD – You’ve been taking some MMA classes haven’t you?
Affliction is now stunned by my observation (blatant, duh), psychological profile. Already, he’s defeated.
SD – Maybe I’ve been taking some classes too. Maybe I’ve been training for twenty years. Maybe I’m even a teacher, so maybe we can beat each other down at 7 in the morning. Maybe I have my Kali fighting sticks in my car too. Let it go.
Affliction mumbled some bros., and dudes, turned around, and got back in his very shiny Mercedez Benz.
7:00 a.m.
$50 worth of gas to fill my tank. Don’t we control the oil fields in Iraq, isn’t that why we went there in the first place?
I never liked Chuck Lidell, and Affliction t-shirts are just shirts, not a BJJ, Muay Thai, UFC superman cape giving you professional fighting skills. ‘Get back in your car, bitch. I have to go teach 9 & 10 year olds. As I pulled out, I waved to the girl, she waved back, and apologized.
(healthy) Confrontation – 2
Apathy – 0
Gentlemen, stay cool, and have a great day.
- adumbratesly0
Um... how do you fill up your car while sitting in it? 'Cuz if you're at a full serve station, there should have been a beat down... jus' sayin', bro, dude...
- Its called a pump lever lock.ETM
- Or if your nanny gas station removed them, use this:
http://cache.gawker.…ETM
- babaganush0
- HAHAHAH love thislocustsloth
- LOL, so epic. Love Pawn Stars.dMullins
- zenmasterfoo0
but you really shouldn't talk to girls like that dude. really.
- locustsloth0
Healthy confrontation is a tricky thing. It's human to want to win your point (for Affliction, to make you cower before him and apologize for whatever it is he thought you did). So even when one realizes that they had the facts wrong and that there's no reason to try and win the point, some feel like changing their course, compromising or capitulating (for Affliction, saying that he must have misunderstood your intentions) is admitting defeat and humbling themselves to others. And some can't let themselves do that.
i have to force myself to think rationally and kind of let off the gas a bit when engaging in any sort of confrontation. i want to be right. Always. So when i understand i am wrong, i make myself acknowledge it, rather than do what my reptile brain wants to do, which is keep pushing my point harder and harder, slinging whatever erroneous facts and ad hominem attacks i can, just so i won't have to say "i was wrong"
- autoflavour0
did you end up having gay sex in the bathroom? i didnt read to the end..
- SunSunSun0
It's only our ego that wants to be right all the time. If someone is trying to argue with me about something I KNOW is right and I can tell they are the type that HAVE to be right, I just let them and agree with them - even if they're wrong. Cannot be bothered with that shit.
- Ambushstudio0
There's no such thing.
- detritus0
I find most confrontations are easily won by bursting into tears, pulling down my trousers, then shitting down my leg.
Most no fucker's got a response to that, yo.
- d_rek0
Pushover.
- detritus0
There's a type here in Britain, probably all over the Anglo Saxon world too — conservative, middle class, staid.
The type that..
..is convinced the country's going to hell in a handbasket.
..whinges about youth.
..whinges about foreign or different types.
..whinges about how their tax is abused..
Who, nonetheless..
..does their utmost to avoid paying their share of tax.
..won't look foreigners in the eye.
..won't stand up to kids, or tell people off for little thing (litter,
swearing.. all the menial decencies in a civilisation)
..won't interact, or try—just moan.These are the people who are fucking up our country.
Not the kids. Not the foreigners, or any of the other subjects of these Types' ire.These are the ones we must confront, so that they doo too in turn.
- These are the people who “are going to leave the UK, as it's all gone to shit”. fucking cowards.detritus
- Yep, the spineless.set
- doo too!detritus
- I wish they wold but no- they won't get benefits if they leave innit bruvProjectile
- BonSeff0
just get your fucking gas and stfu.
- <plash
- NO, YOU SHUT UP!!!locustsloth
- < healthy confrontationlocustsloth
- hahaSunSunSun
- Projectile0
I've been in a few situations where there are drunk bro's or gangsters picking on me.. I've already done something wrong like spill beer on shoes or smile at girlfriend or something, so they're literally a hairline trigger away from beating me to a pulp.
I've always found that a smiling (whaat? aah sorry dude) followed by aquick change of topic (dudes ja know where a guy can get some weed round here?) and then ramble on till they get bored and piss off (yeah cos I bought some off this dude the other day and it was complete shite and I mean like it actually smelled like catpiss and bla bla bla)
then walk away smugly knowing that you've won the battle..... with MIIIIIND BULLETS!!
- Fax_Benson0
Affliction comes across as the slightly less annoying of the two protagonists.
- set0
I keep a printed 'come at me bro' jpeg for such occasions as this.
- autoflavour0
i went to a petrol station once and the guy gave me the wrong change.. i gave him back the extra 50c and left.
true story
- and yes, i said petrol, because unless you are using LPG, you aren't using GASautoflavour
- Fax_Benson0
It's because of threatening situations like this that I stopped leaving the house 7 or 8 years ago.
- explains a lot.. fachs-bronsonautoflavour
- what's it like in the literal world?Fax_Benson
- MHDC0
- brandelec0
this morning...coworker and i are having a smoke and this lady parks her car in front me and asks "do you see that sign" as she points at a "fresh-air zone" sign that says stay clear 9 meters of entrance. i eyeball the distance and tell her my mistake i'm 5 meters away and proceed to walk a few more steps away from door... but nooooooo she had to come back with "no, you need to go across to the parking lot to smoke. which company do you work for?" i reply "it doesn't matter which company i work for calm down."
she switches to lecture mode as i flick my cig unto the lot, say have a good morning and walked away. she was fucking livid.
- i apologized to my colleague inside and she replied "for what? that was hot. keep up the good work" aaaaaww yeaaaaabrandelec