girlfriend not supportive?

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  • zenmasterfoo0

    She's scared because her own hopes and dreams are long gone in her view. By seeing you reach for yours, she only revisits the painful memories of losing grip with hers. Misery loves company is a truth.

    But you've latched onto this girl for some reason. Asking us is merely a way of getting some kind of validation for a decision you've already made. Man up and tell her. Look in the fridge, locate your balls and choose.

  • Mister20

    ^ speaks the truth.

    Welcome to NYC

    Where there are plenty of waitress with 2 kids.

  • Peter0

    If you're already compromising your happiness it sounds like you're already experiencing the complete joy of marriage.

    One of the most common regret on peoples deathbeds; perhaps the most comon; is not having a crack at ones (bigger) dreams.
    Not sure if studying is a dream of yours.
    But if it is, and you want it, you go for it dood.
    Work things out. Bring them all. I'm sure there are waitress jobs in NY. Or more.

    And judging by recent threads: stay away from Five Guys burgers.

  • HijoDMaite0

    haha, you guys are great. it really helps to read all this believe it or not. Gets me out of my little world.

    p.s. where's the rapture when you need it!

  • QBNdesignr0

    Sweet girls can be manipulative, believe me, I know! and many guys are blind to see it. I think she could live with herself for doing that if it meant that you'd not be moving across the country. I don't exactly see why she is bringing up engagement, other than to try to get you to stick around. It doesn't make sense. Engaged people break up, married people split up... What good will you future life be if you end up resent her and her children for closing the door on your dreams?

    It doesn't mean she is a rotten person, but yes, scared. But if it means she can get you to propose...then she got her way. That's a decision you should be coming to on you own terms.

    If she's worth her weight and loves, and can't logistically move, she'll be there when you get back, or you two will make it through the couple years that you're gone.

    • Sorry for the typos. I am typing curiously fast in this heated debate. lolQBNdesignr
    • I think she craves the security. But yes that's what I'm saying. she equates grad school withHijoDMaite
    • breakup and I don't.HijoDMaite
  • randomname0

    Who dates someone with two kids? Move in with her, or move elsewhere.

    Who cares about marriage if you're afraid to move in with her at this point.

    • It's more complicated than this. But I get your point.HijoDMaite
    • no idea why you'd date someone with kids if you are not serious enough to get engagedanimatedgif
    • I am serious enough to get engaged but I don't feel we are emotionally ready yet.HijoDMaite
  • team_zissou0

    Relax. Think of the sex.

  • formed0

    Forget your dream, show her the money! If your education doesn't bring in at least the cost of the education the first year in salary, forget it.

    She's being practical, she has 2 kids that are there forever. Most likely, you will be making less and not available to take care of her and her children.

    I'd guess she looks at it like this: her life is REAL. She has real responsibilities, today, tomorrow, forever.

    Your life is in TRANSITION. You could stick around or not.

    So it comes back to money. Kids are more important than your "dream" (sorry, but that's reality). Kids cost money, so does an education (in time and money). If your education doesn't net you a very, very nice increase in salary then it is only for your own ego (again, with kids, that's trivial, at least for the foreseeable future).

    Lastly, why NY? You picked the most expensive, most impractical place in the US to go! I'd scratch that off, unless you are getting a MBA from Columbia (and have the $125k for the tuition).

  • HijoDMaite0

    from school page:

    Estimated Part-Time M.S. Tuition and Fees 2011-12,
    6 credits per term (3 terms per 12-month calendar year)

    Tuition for the part-time program is on a per credit basis. The estimated cost of a credit in the 2011-201 academic year is $1,430. Typically, the credit fee will increase by no less than 5 percent each year. (Beginning this summer, the estimated cost per credit will be $1,502.) Students enrolled in the part-time program typically take 6 credits each term, though the student has the option of taking more.

    Tuition 18-points $27,027
    University Fees $522
    Transcript Fee (one-time fee) $95
    Technology Fee (one-time fee) $1,000
    Enrollment Fee (nonrefundable) $1,000
    TOTAL $30,463
    Including living expenses (rent utilities, food, travel, personal) of $30,060, the full-time, student budget is estimated at $60,523.

    I don't have much debt right now. loans, grants and part time work is my plan. I know nothing about New York so this could all be shattered when I find out it doesn't jive financially, you are right.

    • 1 word: Brooklyn.QBNdesignr
    • 1 word: Newark, NJutopian
    • chooses neither brooklyn nor nj for this, both are far from columbia..e-pill
    • Harlem...tgqt
  • e-pill0

    wow columbia is expensive..

    for all the reasons stated already.. if you do not or have not made any commitment to live together, or at least even have tried it, then i would say that your answer is that much easier to define. it is your life. i dont know what age you are, but i can say i surely miss being in school, which was in the near 20 year mark.. if i can go back and get my masters i would as i dont fully regret not getting it as i just dont have any time today for that..

    moving to nyc, why does it seem to others so crazy?? if its part of your dream for journalism then go for it, not even trying it for the sake of 3 people who are dear to you is a fucking mistake..

    i dont care who they are in the world, if they halt your dreams..

    you do not even live together.. how do your plans even match? her view is the same as my view or anyone else's.. the only view that matters is your own.

    take the chance or live in regrets.. even if you dont get into the program.. come to nyc!!!

    living a life of regrets for others is a scary life.. always wondering what could of been if you made the jump of your life.. its your life, not your life and your woman and her kids..

    unless you lived together, were in a relationship where you were already engaged or even discussing marriage, as when you do get married one day, the worst part of a marriage is one that fails to discuss everything, if she is giving you difficulties on things that arent even part of a marriage, if opening your emotions to each other is seemingly difficult, then i would be scared when that time comes if it did when you do make that commitment with each other, that when you need to discuss things she will fall to this same emotion by getting "crazy" oi.. that is one of the leading things in any marriage that leads towards divorce..

    lack of communication.. you seem to have that exact lack going for you right now.. and the main topic is your goals, your direction, and one that would share it with her family, and she seems very stand offish..

    or maybe she is worried you might be turned by one of our super sexy local nyc latina babes who live near the columbia area.. yes i would lean more towards that..

    she is scared to lose you.. and scared that if she says yes, she is just giving your the ticket to run away..

    im not her.. and im a stranger.. but i ll say.. nyc is waiting for you, and most people i know never got the chance to goto grad school. let alone one of the top schools of its field..

    best of luck, or rather, hit us up when you get to nyc.. we welcome you to our home with open arms.. while san diego chicks keep their arms firmly closed on your escape..

    meh.. NYC CHICKS DESTROY ALL!!

    get one for yourself.. at least they wont hold you back on your goals.. perhaps they would even push you harder to reach them..

    • I'd hate to be in a relationship with youfadein11
    • awe..e-pill
    • ..and here i thought we could eventually move past cyber.. shucks.. fish in the sea..plentye-pill
    • plus +!00 @ super sexy latina!sherm
    • Sexy Latinas from New York just don't sound very sweet to me. They just sound hot.HijoDMaite
  • drgs0

    Everything I know about relationships I have learned on QBN

  • animatedgif0

    Not your kids? Get rid and follow your dreams.

    Plenty more fish in the sea, especially in NY

  • jfletcher0

    If you don't go back to school, will you resent her? I'm lucky my wife has followed me on multiple moves to live some dreams... very lucky.

    The idea that getting engaged will solve the problem worries me. It feels like she wants commitment, but forced engagement won't do anything but be a bit lof a lie.

    The biggest thing I think about when making decisions for my family (just wife, dog, and I) is if she doesn't want to do it, will I resent her. If the answer is yes, then something has to give. Otherwise things won't go very happily.

    • I guess this is part of the reason we have issues. I feel she is not able to stand on her own two feet and it worries me.HijoDMaite
  • autoflavour0

    how old are you and your girlfriend?

  • SunSunSun0

    I've lived in 4 different countries and have followed my girlfriend on 2 major moves. To me it doesn't really need much thought as we want to be together.

    Have you talked to your girlfriend about any future plans she has or how she would like to see her future? It helps to both talk about what you want to get out of life and whether you can work toward it together. It soon becomes pretty clear if you both want really different things.

    Kids do tie you down a bit and she probably still feels dependant on their dad and feels like she has to stick around. You have to decide whether you love her enough to deal with that.

    Follow your dreams man and if you can do it together that is awesome.

    • She wants a family, a strong bond. I do too but I think if there is an opportunity to go to NYC for Journalism I should take it.HijoDMaite
    • take it. I do not necessarily want to stay in NY I just want a couple years in the city.HijoDMaite
    • I think it would be good for my career.HijoDMaite
    • it would be great for your stimulus & your creative growth hopefully your girls follow you..e-pill
  • Glitterati_Duane0

    I say that she's getting stuff twisted. Seeing as she's a girlfriend it's much easier not harder for you to do what you need to do to further your success. Once you get married or engaged then she actually has a say because your lives are then officially intertwined. She has kids so I don't blame her for her reaction, however she can't hold you back because of her situation. As much as it would hurt to leave her and the kids I say do your thing mate. Trust me. Once you get married these opportunities are much harder to pursue.

    • This is her argument, she doesn't feel she has any say because we are not "official" she is right in way.HijoDMaite
  • sherm0

    so lets see:
    u don't live together
    not married to her
    not your kids
    and you want to go to NYC to pursue a better life for yourself?

    Seems simple to me personally, just tell her what you want to do and move forward.

    She isn't going anywhere anytime soon and will be there... where ever you come from...

    If you try to appease this person and compromise in some kind of way, you will always have regrets going forward.

    Plus there are tons of poon here...

  • irrelevant0

    I can't believe no one has asked the most important question which of course is:

    Does she have an amazing rack? If yes post pictures, if no go to NY.

  • SunSunSun0

    What is her hotness rating out of 10?

  • ntimm0

    You do know she is monitoring this thread..