Client of the Day
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- sted4
We lost a client in the weirdest possible way because our key account is a lesbian. No singed contract so I'm not sure that I should post the guys contact details or just send a gay birthday squad to his workplace?
- MrT2
Client's returned from a U.S. trip and is very excited about the internal 'playbooks' that apparently get corporate America all frothy.
C: Here's a sample chapter, can you put together a design direction for our shiny new playbook?
T: No problem. What form do you intend it to take? Printed piece? PDF? Video? Vajazzle?
C: Yes, any of those, or could be Wordpress. Just design the sample and we'll confirm later.
- lolGuyFawkes
- well.. to side with client, the expect probably 'book format' could be shoved in pdf/print/images in wordpress.shapesalad
- w question here? make the video embed it on a landing page running in wp, print the invoice and attach it to an email,
collect $$$$
rotfl Vajazzlested - oh damn underestimated the price (it's a video), add two $ to the price.sted
- I googled Vajazzle at work, not a good idealajj
- drgs1
- sted10
This one, will be a bit different:
A really old contact sent me an email 3 months ago, requesting a quote for some work on an existing system with multiple web-shops. After reviewing the stuff we came to a conclusion: it's a complete mess, from the old insecure server where root owns everything, to the fact that the main system wasn't working without cloudflare (ssl hack). Faked git (manually opened .git dir, and copypasted example config lol). Databases with wrong charsets, sites are running on various mvc-s like laravel, magento 1-2 and some wordpress/woocommerce, and product sync scripts using the wrong url for json data.
It's a miracle how they still managed to sell 90k/day on one site.We wanted to take over the entire client not just the shitty bug-fixing, so we built a strategy. The hard part was convincing the stakeholders to move away from the old developer team:
- The old guys are from India and they are a team of 15.
- The owners are emotionally dependent, as they grew with the old developer team in the past 7 years
- The contact doesn't has a strong position
- We have to take over the hosting so we can actually see what's happening.
The goal was to prove that we can do everything faster and better without asking for anything.
+ We bought a performance server, set it up properly and made a copy of the entire system with all the sites and details as a development location. Hired a proper sysadmin to monitor and manage the server.
+ In the first month we fixed more than 140 bugs, without a word and started to communicate the basic issues about how some of the things are built and what can we do about it. We kept track of the fixed bugs, and documented the ones made by the old team. (things like: mini-search template in ansii encoding broke the elastic-search engine)
+ On the new server everything was faster, cheaper and we were asked to move the sites one-by-one from the old location to the new one :)
+ A month ago we moved one critical site what was still under development and the old dream-team has to work on it.
+ Started monitoring that user on the server, and recorded every single network activity, command or visit from their ip.
- one ip, one device, one browser, same time-frame (team of 15 my ass)+ While doing this we made an investment and built our own version of the exact same site.
Three weeks ago they had a beta deadline which failed, but they billed 140 hours of php dev on magento for the project.
My contact wanted us to help them out, to get the site done before april 30. But we asked for some time to review their work. This time was used to collect all data about the shit the old coders have done.
They spent net 21 (billed 140+20) hours of actual work on the server doing fun things like misspelling foreach in php and trying to fix that by restarting the php-fpm service.
This week we prepared a nice and readable package from the logs, with the new site what was made in the background and waited.
Today I got a message that we have to lock out the old team from all locations, and prepare to sign a service and development contract for a year.
fucking win. so much win.
- Nice! Your detailed process and show the work method really paid off.Hayoth
- Well done!zarkonite
- well played. outsourced india -1 point.shapesalad
- Awesomenessriteshpatel
- So very awesome, but was there any anxiety about doing all that work (im assuming unbilled?) and having them just screw off and stick with the other guy anyway?mantrakid
- the bugfixing was paid, where we took risk was at investing into the server and building the mirror.
anxiety on my end was daily about this project.sted - Nice!
Paragraph 1 confirms that I am so far gone from the world of web design lol.stoplying - nice workcanoe
- Hayoth2
Got a referral.
Client: We need a new power point master template that can help create consistency between all engineering sales teams. New business card designs and new letterhead design will print in office with sales letters.
Me: Ok sounds easy enough.
Client: but I am going to do a couple designs and send them to you and you can make them better.
Me: $6500
Client: No thanks
Lol
- That all sounds like one day's work. Maybe $600 is more appropriate.freedom
- 600% powerpoint taxGuyFawkes
- Probably $1500 job but when he said he wanted to do some designs and send them to me to 'clean up' - i just wasn't the type of client I want to work with.Hayoth
- Hope the person who referred you doesn't get blamed for your ridiculous prices.omahadesigns
- one days work. lol. you've clearly never done this before. at least not well.sofakingback
- That's at least a week's worth of back and forth, headaches, client cuntery, and 'move this to left 2px' micromanaging from the client.Continuity
- 6500 was a generously discounted offer for that kind of pixel-pushing bullshit.Continuity
- this is the can't lose method. its obviously going to be a crappy job, but if he says yes. You made bank. No, didn't do a shitty job.sothere
- +1 continuity. no way this is a one-day jobGnash
- Definitely not a one day job. Reminded me of this https://cdn.mos.cms.…Hayoth
- What continuity said. If you aren’t charging at least $3k for this then you aren’t doing it right. This is a few days, plus print and tech support for pptmonospaced
- Just so we are clear. I purposely bid this job high because the client expressed to me he wanted me to be the designer and then I could make his stuff better.Hayoth
- http://graphicloads.…whatthefunk
- ^ makes me laugh everytimehotroddy
- lol@moldy
powerpoint tax...spot on!!!utopian - "...your ridiculous prices" Come on mate. smhGucci
- I love the "I'm going to create a couple of designs and send them to you " You should have quoted 8500riteshpatel
- Cocky. I wouldn't refer you again. There are other ways to do it. Learn to feed your ego better food.canoe
- ^ Ill' try that with my dentist, see if it works: "Learn to feed your ego, you expensive cocky bastard!"Maaku
- lol it’s not cockymonospaced
- I don't know why you'd turn down money, at least wait until you see his/her designs.zarkonite
- whatthefunk0
New client keeps talking about Ayn Rand & Objectivism and how everyone in the company is heavily inspired by The Fountainhead as their north star. It's been brought up in 75% of the conversations so far.
What's up with that - cultish or just a powerful guiding principle people adhere to?
- odd. not very woke of them.Gnash
- Run. Although they might be loaded. Do the job and run.Fax_Benson
- Why though? Politically speaking are most Rand followers Libertarian? I just don't get it - I read that book in high school and meh tbh...whatthefunk
- Tech libertarians are kind of a silicon valley thing, right? Maybe they're just channeling startup mantras... have they mentioned how lean and agile they are?monNom
- Rand was a better writer than philosopher. Her stories were appealing to my teen self, but once I got into her essays and she lost me.Gnash
- what industry are they?Gnash
- I'm not going to overshare but I can't get a clear read on the core characteristics of an Objectivistwhatthefunk
- But this is more than a mantra, this goes way deep. If anything it's fascinating even if I don't subscribewhatthefunk
- objectivism; don't design on whim or personal expression. use strategy and deliver work that directly solves their concerns.doesnotexist
- runmonospaced
- ^why though?!?whatthefunk
- ^ many people erroneously conflate Rand's philosophy, and the principles of Objectivism, with authoritarian politics.Gnash
- so the knee-jerk reactions is, NAZIS!!Gnash
- if they're getting tiresome, ask them how Rand lived out her final years, and how much she actually believed her supposed philosophy.detritus
- ^ :) good for she she died 'cause she'd never hear the end of thatGnash
- her*Gnash
- Well, it's true. I flit between hyper liberalism and hyper fascism through each moment of my day —it's all just theoretical bullshit 'til truth shits on conceitdetritus
- I think the highest of ideals must be those that are beyond my own and generally-shared. The older I get, the more obvious this becomes.detritus
- Know very little about her but just looking into it briefly objectivism lines up with a lot of my beliefs._niko
- people want nothing but mirrors around themimbecile
- It only seems cultish if you are a communist.Hayoth
- He probably thinks you are a snowflakeHayoth
- shapesalad0
Work delivered on time, but client payment overdue past a reasonable 30 day payment period. No response when asked when I may expect payment to be received. Just sucks. I think I'm going to start missing deadlines and delivering work late if this continues.
- Rather than that, add late payment penalties. Uplift invoiced amount by 20% per week.Morning_star
- Do you take down payments before starting the work?zarkonite
- Final payment before delivery.Hayoth
- Bennn1
I want images 1 and 2 to be printed at 88w by 40h inches and the image 3 at 88x18 inches please.
- Client*Me opening the images* ...
image 1 is 250x480px
image 2 is 1015x745px
image 3 is 945x945px:-|
To image the situation, she's asking me to print a square image as a rectangle and that square image needs to be upscaled 50x ... yeeeeaaaahhhh
- I did a quotation from an icon-sized logo in an email signature recently.Nairn
- ^ hehehe!oey
- I've also been asked for a quotation on a job with possibly up to 1000 units, but despite asking repeatedly, I've no idea how big they're supposed to be. TrickyNairn
- < you can do it! but not with the results they're expectingoey
- get gigapixel, profithans_glib
- corel photo?oey
- sted0
The client owns/runs a not so bad travel agency, loves photography, and is a lawyer by profession.
The client learned how to take really nice photos for the site what we are running for a decade.
The client was pissed that people steal and use his photos without permission and he has to spend time with legal problems.
The client and us crafted a relationship for editorial images with a news outlet, what will help to protect his "IP".
The client is now asking me to think about how this could backfire in the future.
- interface3
- That's a great video. The client / designer annotations are just gliding the lilly.Fax_Benson
- sted2
I feel a bit fucked right now, we built a strict review method in the workflow and now i think it backfired because i'm a lazy fuck.
there was a request this morning by a nice client asking that is it possible to put together a simple sales export by 3-4PM?
Task was forwarded to the dedicated coder and a test engineer.
It was scheduled for 2 hour dev from 1pm to 3pm.
Task was done, tested and left marked without client or account feedback.
The account left the office at 2pm.
We agreed that I will pick up things where she left when I get back.
I did not moved a single thing today, so it was easy to forget about her stuff.
She called an hour ago asking about this project.So I started to panic and reviewed the communication to find out what is this actually, and got lost in the fact that the client will have a stakeholder meeting where they need this tool to review live sales data from 3 marketplaces with 3-4 different shops each, BUT WHHY?! maybe they happy with us?!% something isn't right with the orders?! stuff like that... and went to the data tools we have, just trying to make some useless conclusions.
She called again because the client didn't got anything, so I rushed back to the messages to review the stuff.
This is what is on the project url, it works properly does what they need with some extra like the buttons are replaced with blow-up animgif on click :Dthe client
is pharma.- spaceballs animgif
impact as font
and this: https://i.imgur.com/…sted - huh?shapesalad
- heu? they made this and i didn't had time to review and change it so we don't end up getting kicked out because of a stupid joke.sted
- spaceballs animgif
- Gnash11
- I can say this one's never happened to me.
But it would make me want to stab my eyeballs with pencils if it did.Continuity - hahaha_niko
- thing that we found on the internet MADE BY ANOTHER ARTISTProjectile
- Sounds like 70% of all the clients I've ever worked for (inc some CDs).matski
- I can say this one's never happened to me.
- freedom0
I'm a guy. A guy got my number off my site and called me wanting me to do some work for him.
I looked him up and he's a normal person.
But then he wanted to come over to my house for our first meeting.
And I felt weird insisting on a coffee shop.
- Bring your rape whistledrgs
- remember, no means noGnash
- "[You] might spray your ass with vinegar
The next time that I see ya bro
Bet yo ass still won't be tight"deadsperm - https://www.youtube.…renderedred
- http://behindblondie…Maaku
- @renderedred LOL!Krassy
- trooperbill0
so the ting youve been doing, we need you to do that.
but we're already doing that,
yes but thats what we need you to do.
ok
so can you do that?
yes thats what we're already doing for you.
ok so write that up and we'll have a meeting to discuss if we need anything else
ok we've already written that up its on the powerpoint here
ok but if you could write that up from what weve discussed today that would be great
OK but cant we just send you this powerpoint. its got everything in it youver just discussed as its already wher we'e doing
no we want you to write up todays meeting... me ?????????
- freedom3
- hahahadopepope
- and btw, if you make a mistake we will let you know in 6 months with the amount you owe plus federal short–term interest rate + 3 percent, thanks.whatthefunk
- Gnash0
- Art-work.freedom
- How much money would you like?freedom
- go for % of salesshapesalad
- MrT1
Printed magazines need a total page count that's divisible by four.
Why is this concept so difficult for people, particularly those in the marketing/comms division of a large Japanese company that makes printers and cameras, to understand?
- every fucking timethumb_screws
- Can'ton?grafician
- ... possibly!MrT
- Centrefolds is the solution.
Or the absolute chaos.Longcopylover - what about those magazines that have a sneak single page insert?shapesalad
- @shape yeah I know, throw out covers, inserts etc but basic pagination is already beyond them...MrT
- Pagination II: Die Harder – revised doc came back, look we made it 44 pages! Except it's 44 numbered pages + F/B covers. 46. FML.MrT
- Front and back covers are also four pages total.monospaced
- I know you all want to catch me out, but I'm right damnit!MrT
- They counted covers as 2pp. Rockets polishers, all of ‘em.MrT
