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Thoughts on Rand 2424 Responses
Last post: 2 months, 4 weeks ago | Thread started: Aug 26, 08, 2:55 p.m.
- ninjasavant
Rand is a son of a bitch!
Rand is the father of every kid in this town!
Rand once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!
One time I was with Rand in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Rand goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Rand! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Rand' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'
He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!
His poop is used as currency in Argentina.
He sweats Gatorade
He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
He hated Mexicans! And he was half Mexican! .......And he hated irony!
I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury.
He sheds his skin once a year.
He makes brooms somewhere in Georgia.
He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Rand!
I once saw him eat a whole live chicken.
His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson.
He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that.
Rand was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!
Did I ever tell you about the time Rand took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Rand takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Rand yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'
He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child.
They found $60 in change in his stomach.
He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie.
He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault.
Rand drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'
They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Rand talk in his sleep.
He date raped David Bowie.
He once inhaled a seagull.
The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress.
It was the sight of Rand's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane.
He once had sex with a cigarette machine.
He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel.
He once ate the Bible while water skiing.
He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!
You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!
He has dandruff the size of mice!
He jogged with a fridge on his back!
Rand was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!
He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi.
He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen.
He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million.
Did I ever tell you about the time Rand went hunting? Rand decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle.
We once had a bachelor party for Rand. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Rand once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart.
He has a toenail on the end of his penis.
Rand once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms.
Rand's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.
Rand ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool.
Did I ever tell you about the time Rand was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Rand chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews.
He breastfeeds John Madden.
Rand named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that.
If you drop a phonograph needle on Rand's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'
They use Rand's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium.
Rand directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels.
All the 'Yes' album covers are Rand family photos.
He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Rand's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'
Rand still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films.
He thinks iron man is gay.
He framed Roger Rabbit.
The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Rand - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men.
He gave a handjob to a manta ray.
- Aug 26, 08, 2:55 p.m. – Permalink
- Knuckleberry
He gave a handjob to Man Ray
- Dog-earAug 26, 08, 2:58 p.m. – Permalink
- Spookyhome
I lolled and I roffled and before too long my arse fell off.
- Dog-earAug 26, 08, 3:02 p.m. – Permalink
