Casual Racists

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  • Khurram

    Long post...

    funny experience.

    I live in Millwall/Isle of Dogs. When i was growing up, near leeds, even up there, this place had a reputation for being National Front territory. Anyway, that were the 80s early 90's. Not the same now, now it's on the edge of Canary Wharf yuppie-dum.

    However there's still enclaves, remnants of white working class culture. And there's this pub, the George, on the corner of my street. Flag of St George on the roof - alarm bells ring. I walked in there once when i first moved in, and promptly walked straight out the other door - with every white-man's eye following me. Unnerving experience, but if you're a shade of brown, you know whatsup when you get that "vibe".

    So well anyway i got these flatmates who go there a lot. Hell of a lot. They know all the locals, all the locals know them. They hang out with them in and out of the pub. They told me few months ago, summat like "oh no, it's under new management now, it's not like it used to be, completely different people, a different family own it, it's so much more friendly". Well so they been dragging me in there, on occaision recently. I guess i only been there three or four times.

    But for me, i felt the same vibe. I put this down to all being in my head. I know alot of "ethnic" people are accused of being overly sensitive to this shit, and i would never wanna be in THAT category. So i basically brushed it aside and be like "it's all in my head, your projecting your own insecurities and prejudices onto these people"
    bla bla bla. Especially with my flatmates being so down with them.

    So last night i was there with my flatmates, we were sat down having beers, chatting away. And one of the guys, Lee, whose a good mate with my flatmates comes over and sits down. Here are a few choice things that were said between us:

    Lee: Where you originally from?
    Me: i'm "originally" a yorkshire lad
    Lee: Nah fuck that, your parents.. where were they born?
    Me: Pakistan
    Lee: Nah, can't be. You dont seem it.
    Me: Why not?
    Lee: You seem too cool. Like the way you talk. I can talk to you normally. I can't talk with them. They're too different to me.
    Me: You ever known any Pakistanis?
    Lee: No, never... shagged a few! Hhahahahahah - only kidding only kidding. I'm sorry i'm sorry, i dont know any different. I'm just ignorant.
    Me: That's ok. I wont hold it against you.
    Lee: No, your cool. Your friends cool. Ok, and i'll be honest here - and no offence to your people, or your parents, but you know who i hate? All these fucking Pakistani kids, with their slick back hair, and their fucking clothes, and their chains, walking round like they own the place.
    Me: Heh... You dont get Pakistani's round here. They're mainly Bengalis.
    Lee: Aren't they the same? I'm sorry man! I'm just ignorant i dont really know.

    Then he shouts to the pub. "Hey everyone, this is my new Paki mate. He's my Paki mate he is! My Paki mate!" A look of incredulity on my face

    Me: Dude, wtf, don't call me that.
    Lee: Oh come on. We're mates. If you can't say that to your mates out of friendship, then what can you say to each other.
    Me: "Mate", i've known you for half an hour. I haven't decided whether we're mates yet.

    Lee looks sad. He drops his head. So i put him in a head lock, and ruffle his hair really hard.

    Me: Ah relaxe Lee! I'll be your friend!! It's cool bro! Fun and games! Fun and games!

    I'm laughing like a maniac, while ruffling his hair in a head lock.

    Lee: Awww, i'm so glad. You're my first Pakistani mate. You know, ever since you lot came over here and took over our country, basically, i'm starting to realise that we have to get used to it, and get to know you.
    Me: Ha, ah lee, what a great day this is for my people.

    All this while my flatmates are looking at me dumbfounded, bright red embarassed, mouthing the words "I'm so sorry, i'm so sorry" etc. And then in the corner of my eye i saw the TV screen and there's a trailer for a BBC2 programme called "Has white Britain
    become invisible?" and there's a picture of a white guys face which is coloured black by a marker pen. And i thought "wtf??? THis is waaay too much of a trip".

    Anyway when we got home my flatmates were like, "that was really good of you to take it in such good humour." Like wtf else was i supposed to do? "You know i'm glad Jim wasn't there, he basically says he hates black people." Lucky me!

    And really, there was nothing about the actual situation that got to me, or even offended me to be honest. I DID find it humourous. The guy didn't mean any harm, IMO, he was just ignorant. You grow up in a monocultural environment where certain views are prevalent, it must be difficult for him to know how to act around someone like me. In his mind, i'm sure he was trying his best. And i've experienced FAR worse.

    What bugs me tho, is that MY friends, are friends with these people. I don't know how
    they think they can square that. I don't really have any resentment against them, because they can't possibly know how it feels in my shoes. A bunch of white kids, they can walk into a pub like that, and instantly make friends with them all, and have drinks bought for them, and be taken out to clubs and get taxis paid for. And there's no way for them to pick up on the fact that the vibe i'm getting is totally different to what they're getting from them. Still tho - are you MY mates? You hanging around with this bunch of toothless cockneys? Hmmm. mmmm.hmmm..mmm??? A bit of solidarity.. Or maybe last night will have revealed their gross naivety to them. One of my flatmates is an American from fucking North Dakota, so i guess he wasn't to know.. Another's only 22 fresh out of college... I guess they're just naive.

    So now i'm thinking back to it, i'm feeling a little uncomfortable. So cheer me up white people! Cos once again i'm feelin alienated from y'all.

  • detritus0

    Irish out.

  • neue75_bold0

    You're alright with me...

  • blaw0

    With me, too. And I'm so white I put the Cauc in Caucasian.

  • skt0

    tl;dr

  • maximillion_0

    its yr height i dont like......and yes im a heightist

  • vespa0

    "Ha, ah lee, what a great day this is for my people." brilliant!

    pretty fucking depressing kuz. people who are friends with dicks like that must be a bit slow, at first they can be forgiven for lack of awareness but if they carry on going there / hanging out with nobs they are actually supporting it by not speaking out against it. have you seen "This is England"?

  • creative-0

    Been through it all dude, so know exactly how you feel. S'pose you just get on with things. On a lighter note, I just looked out of my window to see some chap walk into a lamp post!

  • Spookytim0

    Didn't mean any harm?

    That bloke was living breathing harm Khurram. It doesn't have to be overt intolerance.

    Racism will proably never go away. I see it in the attitudes of a lot of people who would fall over in surprise at the suggestion they might be racist. Also, I see a lot of non white people slipping into auto-behaviour when talking with white people which i find hard to define here.

    • I'm waiting to be jumped on here for my previous "Wont go to muslim countries" post. Well, I'm happy to offer my POV.Spookytim
  • tank020

    i see this sometimes happening with my girlfriend (she is korean/german ), the dodgy looks and general unfriendly behaviour from people who pass us by or in shops..it sickens me...

  • kelpie0

    "Ha, ah lee, what a great day this is for my people."

    aw Kuz, you rock :D

  • moth0

    Tricky one Kuz.

    I wanna be your friend but does that mean I have to disown my parents?!

  • Jaline0

    I know what you mean. And yeah, I would question those "friends" too.

  • Jaline0

    ...but....I like the way you handled the situation. I think we are getting to know more of the real Kuz here.

    Right? I don't know.

    • he's not nearly as bad offline in my limited experiencekelpie
  • creative-0

    I have a mate who has an uncle that heralds from the Westcountry and has quite old fashioned values on this subject. Anyway, him, his Taiwanese girlfriend and half-cast (hate that term, but I'll go with it) I popped in to visit on the way back from dropping some stuff off in a van. He goes to the door and rings the bell. His uncle apperas, obviously pleased to see him. He points to the van and waves us out. The look on his Uncle's face as he saw us get out of the van was priceless. It was a look of 'what the hell is my nephew doing smuggling a van load of immigrants into the country?'. When his uncle asked how he knew me he was astonished to find out we'd known each other for 13 years and virtually been neighbours in the small town he grew up in for most of that time.

    • i hate the term half-caste. mixed race is better. half-caste makes me think of half-thrown/damaged pottery.vespa
    • I thought of that as that was the term his Uncle used. Then had a mental blockcreative-
    • thats very funny tho' c beyond how tragic it generally is.Spookytim
  • kelpie0

    its a funny old country we live in eh? I'd never consider myself to have any racist inclinations (except against rumanians, fucking gypsies), and have lived in some of the most heavily asian-settled areas of a city which has a huge asian population, but still after all these years, you are probably my only brown friend (and we've only met once).

    I find this a bit bizarre, and wrong to be honest.

    • Dude. I have ZERO brown friends. Now, THAT'S bizzare.Khurram
    • Yeah, ummm...I don't think I have any brown friends either, and I live in Canada. It's strange...but it's b/c I am weird.Jaline
    • you must be so lonely with none of your people for companykelpie
    • so so lonely....Khurram
    • I'm sure there are sites out there where you can buy brown friends to keep you company and do your houseworkcreative-
  • vespa0

    everywhere is racist, sometimes it's best just to laugh at the idiots and hang out with non-racists.

    but when i talk to (older, non white) members of my own family i just have to smile and change the subject if they start coming out with racist stuff cos i can't bear it and you can't change their mind with reasoning so there's no point getting into an argument.

    but if a friend of a friend tells a racist joke at the pub i'm not afraid to be the killjoy who says "i don't find racist jokes funny." these people have to be told publically that it's not socially acceptable. they might just think again before telling the joke next time.

    • So true about older members of the fam. My family does the same, and there's no winning.Jaline
  • monoboy0

    I'm half Scottish, 5' 6" with ginger hair. I'm sure they'd rip the pish out of me as well. Not just a race thing. People pick on differences, part of the pack mentally. Difficult not to take personally though.

    And besides, I fookin' hate all them Landaan wide boy shandy drinking southern pooofter tool bags.

  • Khurram0

    It's not big deal to me. What went down didn't even offend me. It honestly amused me.

    Couple of birthdays ago i walked into a pub with moth down his road, got the same hostile reception. But only then my mates weren't best mates with the said racialists.

    It's that disconnect from last night, was kinda alienating.

  • slappy0

    Claiming ignorance is a cop out. Don't be dark at your friends for having retarded company though, the fact that they were so embarrassed shows they don't share this dudes mentality.

    • I disagree. On both counts.Jaline
    • I pretty sure the dude went to school, at least for a while and also owns a tv. He knows when hes being offensive. He also apologised.slappy
    • ...apologised.slappy
    • I agree to an extent, but I can't blame every1 100%. Maybe b/c of personal experience. It doesn't mean that I am happy about it.Jaline
    • It really depends. You have a point about the apologizing bit. That means he knows he's being an asshole - to an extent.Jaline
  • detritus0

    So.. you're intolerant of your friends' tolerance?