blog
- Started
- Last post
- 75,583 Responses
- BuddhaHat0
I think I woke myself up from laughing at the dream I had last night.
In it, I'm at a festival sitting on a bench with some other people, and someone runs up behind me holding a camera thing at crotch level, then there's the distinct sound of a queef.
As I turn around, the camera fires, capturing my half horrified half surprised face. Laughing, the person holding the device tells me it's his new camera invention, it has face detection and produces queef sounds. The idea, he explains, is that you hold the camera/remote type thing in front of your crotch, and as the subject turns around, the face detection goes off, and the camera fires, capturing a horrified queef face.
I started laughing uproariously in the dream, and I'm pretty sure I woke up still laughing.
- lolscarabin
- lolset
- I dont get it
I assume you hold some distance, otherwise camera at crotch level will capture nothingdrgs - You would be assuming correctly; possibly it had fisheye lens. Also, it was a dream. He showed me other inventions too, but I couldn't remember when I woke upBuddhaHat
- lolmoldero
- had to google queeffadein11
- OBBTKN0
It's icy cold here and tomorrow i've got a dinner in the masive bbq a friend have got outside his house, vegetables, peppers, roasted potatoes, pork face and legs, ox ribs, tons of basque cidre and spanish wine from 4 diferent appelation...
I fear that friday is not going to be very productive, but fuck it!
- jealousyvero_vandal
- butt-fuck it? why do you have to get all anal on a good ole BBQ?capn_ron
- Nice one cap... But with this cold anybody is going to get off his clothes, i assure you, no butt-sex my friendOBBTKN
- ¡el miercoles y el jueves hará muy frío en todo España esta semana!BuddhaHat
- Bah! No es para tanto buddhaOBBTKN
- i couldn't help myself OBBTKN, my coffee had put me in a ripe position to make a butt-sex joke.capn_ron
- pango0
Uggghh another bad news.
One of my friend just admitted her self into hospital. For mental break down. She was hearing voices in her head everywhere she goes and stuff. She doesn't even use any kind of hallucinogen or recreational drugs of any kind. Totally clean...- Sometimes it seems like everyone around me is falling apart.... sigh...pango
- :-(Krassy
- :(since1979
- not always a sign of schizophrenia but good for her for seeking helpGnash
- had this happen to someone close to me not long ago ... was a result of anxiety and the resulting lack of sleep for several days, plus stress about safetymonospaced
- psychiatrists immediately jump to manic depression, despite not spending more than an hour with them, but all was good after a couple nights of great sleepmonospaced
- your friend will be heavily sedated at the hospital, and hopefully will recover almost immediately as a result ... I hope you're doing alright manmonospaced
- Just saw it on the news literally 2 days ago the same hospital was having short staff problem resulting some miscare for some patient...pango
- One patient attempted suicide... fuck... =_=
Going to see her after work today.pango - mental health wings are understaffed and overworked. patients need advocates.Gnash
- I'm alright. Just feel uneasy for things happening to people around me. And not much I can do to make a significant difference.pango
- Ya worst shit is happening to people around the world. But it is always those close to us effects us the most.pango
- being around makes a significant difference. even if it's just say.hi.Gnash
- saying, hi *Gnash
- Hi
:)pango - my best mate went through this years ago, decided Jesus and god were speaking to him and now is a hardcore evangelical Christian. :/inteliboy
- pango you just being there makes all the difference in the world. hope I have friends who will show up too if I were ever in that situation.bklyndroobeki
- HijoDMaite3
scary health rant:
So I am sitting at my desk at work around 9:30 am today working. (Been at desk since 6:30am) I start to write the word "SEPARATE" with a pencil and suddenly I can only manage to write "SEPARA.." I'm like wtf? I try again and again and I realize that I can't fucking write! I write a couple letters and they are so messy, towards the end of a word my hand just starts to scribble gibberish. I get up nervously and go to the restroom. I take a piss, wash my hands, splash water on my face, blow my nose and compose myself. I go back to my desk and start to write again. Same thing, I cannot even create the letter "E", my hands will not make the horizontal lines to create an "E". I shake my hands, stand up, take a deep breath and try again.
I try to write my name: "JAVIER" It looks like a fuckin child wrote it and by the time I get to "R" its a fucking mess, total gibberish.So of course I go right to Google and type "Not able to write with right hand.." Second hit is, "Can't control handwriting - Neurology..."
I click and start reading comments about people suddenly losing their motor function to write. Keep reading and I see comments about:
-Carpal tunnel
-Seeing a neurologist
-MRI
-Medications
-Something called Focal Hand Dystonia
-Botox shots
-T.I.A.
-and finally "Mini Stroke"FUCK! I AM HAVING A MINI STROKE!!!
I go see my manager and close the door and tell her I think I just had a fucking mini stroke!
She giggles. I'm like No! I'm serious!
I tell her to give me a piece of paper and a pen and I show her and another girl in there my handwriting. It's a mess. Both of their jaws drop and then I freak out and start fucking getting watery eyed!Like WTF is going on?? I Feel fine! But I am starting to feel really nervous. They suggest I call my doctor so I do. I tell the girl at Docs office what is going on and she's like, "how fast can you be here?" -30 minutes.
Then my manager thinks I shouldn't drive! I will drive you she says. So at this point I do not want to look at Google at all. We drive to my Doctor's office on the other side of town. I go right in, they take my vitals and I am 139/91.
I say, "that's bad right?" She's like, "well no not really, I've seen worse you're probably just nervous."
Finally my doc comes in (I just had a physical a week ago) He's like hey what's going on? I say give me a piece of paper and pen so I begin to write and although a bit better it is still a fucked up mess. He says, "slow down, write your name again."
But I'm like ""This is how fast I write though!" so I try again and slowly start to make the letters and they are messy but readable. At this point he tells me to do all kinds of simple and awkward tests kind of like roadside DUI tests. Touch your nose, touch my finger, follow my finger tip, touch it when it's moving.
Then sit down, walk towards me on your heels, go back and sit.
Walk towards me on your tip toes, now sit again. Bring up your palms, separate them, touch your thumbs together, now separate them.He asks me if I am stressed. I tell him no more than normal.
"How much caffeine are you drinking?" -A shit ton!After describing him my daily caffeine intake he looks at me and says. Look, you're not having a stroke and you have never had a stroke. You are amped out on Caffeine! Relax and go back to work and back off the caffeine.
This is my average caffeine intake the last few months.
Wake up 5:00 AM grind a bunch of fresh Organic coffee from Costco.
Fill the coffee maker to six cups of water.
BTW the I grind it so fucking long it looks like dust, so it's basically espresso.
Fill two coffee tumblers with the coffee and add half & half, plus sugar.
Get on the road by 5:40 am drink one tumbler before I walk in office. By 7:30 AM I am done with the second tumbler.
I go get another cup of "latte" from the machine in the break room.
Few hours later I'm on my first diet coke of the day. Then, for lunch another diet coke or sometimes regular coke.
Then in afternoon I go downstairs and chill in the engineering dept and drink a cup of their nasty "shop" coffee.
Go home and sometimes drink another coke for dinner and then possibly make another big ass pot of coffee if I have photos to edit that night. Sometimes I'll stop at a Vietnamese restaurant and get a Vietnamese iced coffee to go.So basically I OD'd on caffeine!! On top of this I haven't quit smoking like I was suppose to, so I'm putting down close to a pack a day of Camel 99s! Also gained about 15 lbs since I did the half marathon last June.
FUCK!
Wake up call man. This is what happens when a 41 year old stoner, druggy, boozer of 20 years goes sober kids. I found a way to fucking kill myself legally!
I'm back in office now and just chillin' the rest of the day. My wife is going to flip when I tell her tonight. Another girl at work thinks I should get a second opinion too.
Wow what a week! And I still have Trump to look forward to... :(
- get a second opinion. totally sounds stroke-like,Gnash
- holy shit, glad it wasn't something more serious!scarabin
- I drink double that amount of coffee and have not had that reaction.Gnash
- I will. I know wtf.HijoDMaite
- I got down to the manager part and was already thinking of acute anxiety being set off by something. Boatloads of caffeine will do it, hombre!BuddhaHat
- lol gnash you serious?HijoDMaite
- it's good that none of his tests showed anything but still. don't play loose with your brainGnash
- I hit the caffeine hard before Xmas and then took 2 solid days off it, and had excruciating headaches. Watch out for them, or ease of slowly!BuddhaHat
- i've been dealing with anxiety for 5 years. can't even drive on freeway at night bro. On a small dose of celexa and it's gotten better.HijoDMaite
- off*BuddhaHat
- yup. I'm drink coffee all day. last cup before bed. no sugar though.Gnash
- Getting old is weird. Gotta manage our bodies better now more than ever. Hope you feel better.capn_ron
- I was rerading this really fast and then when you wrote coffee i slowed down...damn...oey
- I reduced my intake of coffee to two small cups a day. but I'm not doing much work. i would also get a second opinion.oey
- very freaky shit...like in some weird movie. hope you're doing better now and that it was only the coffee, nothing else.oey
- I need some Yoga.HijoDMaite
- get that checked out, man. the problem is, if it was a stroke, you're already past any point of treatment. ...detritus
- ... I only say this because i happened to listen to a podcast about strokes last night, exciting little man that i am.detritus
- i'm sure you're fine. you've used plenty of the letter e < here.
But still.detritus - transient ischemic attack
http://www.mayoclini…Gnash - get a second opinion. don't fuck aroundGnash
- I'm going to drink one 16 oz cup per day so I don't get the gnarly headaches.HijoDMaite
- and quit smokiingGnash
- I drink about 473ml max a day if i do drink at all. Don't really drink coffee if i don't have to stay awake.pango
- can you write something and post it here? preferably not your name.pango
- uff that link Gnash..HijoDMaite
- serious dude. all may be well but i'm not buying the coffee ODGnash
- http://coffeeandheal…Gnash
- quit smoking. lose the sugar. drink 2l water/day. no pop or soda. walk like your late.Gnash
- you're*Gnash
- and get a 2nd opinionGnash
- explain it just like you have here, bring your writing if you still have itGnash
- I do get especially jittery if i drink more than 4 shots of espresso.pango
- http://vignette1.wik…pango
- Maybe time to switch to green tea?SteveJobs
- check out the post above i posted the writing samplesHijoDMaite
- I OD'd on cold brew (which has WAY more caffeine than a regular cup). Panic attacks, headaches, the works. Plus iced tea. Quit cold turkey. Decaf for me now.CincodeMayo
- https://www.youtube.… lyrics. something to think aboutdeathboy
- damn. i can relate to those lyrics. thanks deathboyHijoDMaite
- no problem i had a panic attack a few years ago. seems like when u get a good one it likes to linger in the corners of your minddeathboy
- if that's the case.. personally this song helps keep me cool calm pete at times that beast feels like eh might be around. like flyingdeathboy
- seriously m8, cut the Coke... this is poison... Do something nowBennn
- I know all about panic attacks. my anxiety exasperates any symptoms I might have. It's an on going cycle if you don't learn to control it. Caffeine can screw usea_sea
- Do you get enough sleep? I am not a doctor, but I know that sleep and some easy walking is better than lots of medicine.Longcopylover
- wow, people are dumb. It never occurred to you that you were drinking too much coffee?fruitsalad
- Good advise from everyone. Also try not to booze for a while. I quit like 2 years ago (for now) my panic attacks disappeared & lotsa other shitty stuff as wellsureshot
- fruitsalad now that I look back you're right it's a big duh, but when i don't have issues sleeping I didn't think about it.HijoDMaite
- well, it's good to finally be aware of it all. Actually I'd be more concerned about the Diet Coke than the coffee's. That stuff is artificial poision.fruitsalad
- ^ yupGnash
- HijoDMaite0
First noticed something was up when I couldn't write SEPARATE
Me trying to write my name in front of boss
wrote this 5 minutes ago
- well, you do write like a hobo normally, but still.. first 2 are worrisomeGnash
- (my writing is almost identical, btw)Gnash
- did you not know how to write it, or were your fingers just not cooperating?Gnash
- You write in all upper case? uggghhhpango
- My fingers would not cooperate! and yes ALL CAPS ALWAYS.HijoDMaite
- While it certainly seems more jittery, I would try not to look too hard into handwriting analysis as a form of diagnosis. At the most, it might suggestBuddhaHat
- anxiety, tension, shit, even a really bad hangover could cause it. But the bottom one looks much better. Take care of yourself, bro.BuddhaHat
- when you were talking to your boss were you making sense?Gnash
- About ppl who write in all caps: Although they may act normally in social situations, They have problems showing their true selves.shellie
- https://www.youtube.…Gnash
- ^ reporter has stroke on airGnash
- I heard that on a special about a murderer. I write in all caps, a lot like your last sample. Yall don't wanna cross us in a dark alley.shellie
- haha thanks Shellie. Gnash yeah making sense fine.HijoDMaite
- it's not analysing handwriting, it's disruptive fine motor skills that's the issueGnash
- All-cap writer here as well :)Gnash
- ^^ that's good sign you were making sense. a stroke would blur your thinking as well,Gnash
- uggghhhh you all cap writers...pango
- depends on how rush i am.
http://i.imgur.com/N…pango - ALL CAPS HERE!oey
- lol my handwriting has gotten fuckin ridiculously bad as I get older. I blame keyboards and phones. What was that episode of Portlandia where adults...HijoDMaite
- WTH!! so many of you!pango
- didn't know how to write anymore?HijoDMaite
- when I was young I wanted to write the way I saw architects write on their drawings. So I forced myself to only write in all-caps for yearsGnash
- now I can't write cursive without a ton on mental effortGnash
- i actually enjoys writing... although i don't write as much. i like to write as if i'm gliding through the page.pango
- learned calligraphy when i was young. although can't write shit with fountain pen or brush now.pango
- you write like you're gliding on the page? do you ever glide into your vagina?Gnash
- kidding!! just kidding!! :)Gnash
- lol ouch...pango
- That first one looks like my normal handwriting, all caps too :/SteveJobs
- ALL CAPS ALL DAYcannonball1978
- what's wrong with you people?!?!?! am i the only one who writes normally?pango
- Don't worry. Most neurological issues don't come and go. They just get worse. My father had ALS and once his writing went bad it never returned.OP31
- Since your writing normal again it's most likely the caffeine. I drink a ton of coffee and get twitches all over when I over do it.OP31
- handwrititing of a person with amyotrophic lateral sclerosisdrgs
- ever tried to calculate exactly how much caffiene you have per day?inteliboy
- in my earlier post I described my caffeine intake in the last few months. have not looked at the numbers though.HijoDMaite
- WTF please?fruitsalad
- trooperbill1
@HijoDMaite i lived in dorms across from a goth who basically did the same thing plus had a diet exclusively of tomato soup. he had an episode and went to the doctor who said if you continue with the coffee and soup diet you'll get very ill. a few months later of eating and drinking proper and laughably the colour had come back to the goth guys face.,
- i hear you man. like i said earlier i use coffee and sugar to satisfy some sort of serotonin craving. I'm done with it. thanks.HijoDMaite
- OBBTKN0
Just surfing the net on my macOS Sierra virtual machine, mounted on my brand new i7 Windows 10 machine... works ace. I am
going to install Sketch and try to manage the 2 Os and try not to go mad...@Hijo... please, get a second opinion on your issues, and LEARN TO WRITE PROPERLY!! ;)
- Will do and 2017 will be the year I revamp my pencraft!!HijoDMaite
- Are you going to upgrade to Moleskins?bklyndroobeki
- bliznutty1
headed to Miami now. going to board the Jam Cruise ship tomorrow. i'm so excited i can't stand it!!
- garbage0
I wake up and see that there's a new, hip Power Rangers movie coming out. Kanye is in the trailer.
I'm going back to bed.
(Don't die, Hijo)
- mg331
How many of you long-timers remember the days of Derek Blais around here? Every now and then curiosity strikes and I'll look up his Instagram. Lots of great black and white photos and looks like he had an awful motorcycle crash last year in the US. Looks like he's done well for himself creatively / professionally and that's cool to see.
- http://weknowmemes.c…scarabin
- haha. Yes, I came across his TED talk a while ago. He's doing well. I'd like to think we tough-loved him into the man he is today.kona
- https://www.youtube.…kona
- BBDO still exists?sted
- Wasnt he besties with son (Sean)?shellie
- Wasn't he the douche that would create a new site every 3 months and claim he was sponsored... by Apple?OSFA
- So yeah, it makes sense he's at BBDO then.OSFA
- vero_vandal-15
Headed to the Trump inauguration with the fam, going to be tons of fun. Whether you support him or not, this is going to be FANTASTIC!
DC Metro here I come!
- cool story brofadein11
- pathological liar. sad.kona
- going to be SOOOOO awesome!vero_vandal
- natural born assholested
- wait til he goes full terry meltdown in the coming days - popcorn ready.fadein11
- I thought you were going to Canada/making shoe boxes/threatening violence/watching your pretend apartment burn down?face_melter
- Hold up a sign with 'QBN' on it so we can spot you in the throng.face_melter
- QBN sign or GTFO! also, make a set mask and hold that against your face in the pic!capn_ron
- no Canada ey you hoser?moldero
- Pittsburgh Platterutopian
- mehhhpango
- You're brave, all my respectOBBTKN
- what in the worlds fuck is it about QBN that attracts these nut jobs?inteliboy
- lovely weather too!vero_vandal
- it's the same couple of dorksmoldero
- freakpelican4
Wife launched her blog. So i am posting it in the thread titled blog.
Am i doing this right?
- coolGnash
- https://lh3.googleus…utopian
- which one is your wifedrgs
- where is the blog?sted
- It's a bit confusing.HAYZ1LLLA
- What's the address?i_monk
- *squints*detritus
- She has a few novels she is working on but this is a project with two friends that wanted to keep each other accountablefreakpelican
- She would favorably talk about her "live journal" days and it would make me laugh bc i never thought of it as a serious thing.freakpelican
- This is just an outlet in "blog" form for them to publish short works/poetry weekly. My wifes the Polish one :)freakpelican
- pięknyGnash
- autoflavour4
LOL.. My 6 year old just saw a photo of Donald Trump and said
"Is that the bad guy, or the guy who is controlling everything?" ..
it pained me to have to tell him..
both..
- the media influence WOW. guy hadn't even taken office yetvero_vandal
- vero why is it so hard for you to grasp that for intelligent people, the media isn't controlling opinions? Perhaps because it's you who is brainwashed.monospaced
- OBBTKN2
The pork/chicken bbq was ace, cider/wine superb, the cuban cigar spectacular...
Ok, i'm home. It's 8 am. Wife angry. Frozen car/road (at least -10ºC out here). I'm alive.
Today is going to be a looooong slow day.
End of story. I'm going to sleep after the daugthers goes to school-bus station. Have a nice day!
- face_melter0
Drinking game: listen to Depeche Mode live albums and take a shot every time Dave shouts 'Yeah!' and 'That's right!'
You'll be in blind and in A+E by the end of the night.
- 'Yeah' would work with Rob Zombie toomoldero
- Would work with James Hetfield, as well.Continuity
- autoflavour1
urgh.. i cant stay up any longer.. wake me when the clown is dancing
- cunt :D what time is it 2am?sted
- wake up he is dancing!!!HijoDMaite
- vero_vandal-11
My dad got sick, didn't attend. FUCK!
- hope he's okayGnash
- my god you are insufferable. do you lie this much at work? at home? on facebook? how utterly fucking pathetic.kona
- I'm surprised you know who your father is.face_melter
- http://www.reactiong… @facested
- LOL @ faceoey
- Interestingly, that's the same excuse every performer used, as well as a solid 125,683 people who Trump thought would be there.monospaced
- more dumb fucking lies...what did your house catch on fire again?utopian
- BuddhaHat0
Caffeine and handwriting update please, Hijo!
- remember, Vandal is your dogs name.vero_vandal
- one tumbler of coffee in morning yesterday only and zero soda. handwriting fine again. one tumbler again today and that is it.HijoDMaite
- Hey Hijo - I used to be a bit of a soda junkie, but I mostly drink carbonated water now, which seems to press the same buttons my tongue wanted..detritus
- doctor, dude. don't waitGnash
- I'm glad to hear the situation is back to normal!BuddhaHat
- I tried one of those La Croix drinks they aren't bad.HijoDMaite
- +1 carbonated water. I found out what I needed was in fact the bubble effect...LOL! true. that or a mate once in a while.oey
- second opinion required!inteliboy
- I agree with the carbonated water. Trader Joe's has some good flavors, they helped me quit my coke habit. And by coke I mean cocaína. lol jksea_sea
- detritus1
Hey obbtkn - my dad sent me photos taken from the back of his house, showing snow on some local hills, less than 30km away —
In all the years I lived in the south of Spain, I only ever saw snow from afar, on the top of Sierra Nevada, some 200km away.
I'm quite disappointed that I'm not there to see the sight in person :(
- I'm going to be in Granada next week! Can't wait!!BuddhaHat
- Skiing, or visiting the town itself? Either way, I think it'll be beautiful — I'm quite jealous!detritus
- Visiting the town itself, don't have the time for the skiing. I'll be taking my lady there again, at the end of March... any suggestions, besides La Alhambra?BuddhaHat
- I was in Austria last month and the mountains had no snow this year which is incredibly unusual. Weird times...set
- After you left it started snowing af :Dsted
- I haven't been for many years, I'm afraid, BuddhaHat, and then always with family so milling around aimlessly. I'd recommend you do the same, you'll be fine :)detritus
- Yes, it was a rare thing in south Spain, beautifull panorama over there...
Here in the Basque Country there is less snow, only the freezing cold, brrrr!!OBBTKN - @detritus... Where is living your dad now?OBBTKN
- What a weird post for someone to choose to downvote.
About 20kms from Gibraltar, OBBTKN.detritus
- scarabin1
pretty sure a bread machine doing it's thing during a thunderstorm is the best sound ever
- My girlfriend bought a bread machine and turned it on to work over night without telling me. I woke up at 3am thinking there was...set
- ...possed dog downstairs. I had to go down there shitting my pants wondering what kind of regurgitating beast was in my house.set
- Possesed*set
- It was the most shaken I've been in years hahaset
- lolscarabin
- now I want a bread machinemonospaced
- LOL!!mugwart
- *itschukkaphob
- fanks chukkascarabin
- any time, scarabinieri.chukkaphob