Gummy bears

Out of context: Reply #6

  • Started
  • Last post
  • 17 Responses
  • lvl_130

    1.0 out of 5 stars Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate. October 3, 2012
    By C. Torok
    Amazon Verified Purchase
    Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

    First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

    BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

    Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

    But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

    AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

    I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005. Read more ›
    132 Comments |
    Was this review helpful to you?
    Yes
    No
    399 of 407 people found the following review helpful
    5.0 out of 5 stars Ideal Gift For Your Congressional Representatives October 3, 2013
    By DeleriouslyHappyTaxPayer
    The reviews are so helpful. It is so difficult to be sure you are buying something over the internet that is exactley what you are searching for.
    .
    I am sending a bag of these to every member of Congress to show my deepest gratitude.
    2 Comments |
    Was this review helpful to you?
    Yes
    No
    1,442 of 1,540 people found the following review helpful
    1.0 out of 5 stars Gastrointestinal Armageddon November 23, 2009
    By C. Cooper
    When I got these, I couldn't contain my excitement and I ate about a quarter of a bag. Scenes from the movie 2012 could have been filmed inside my gut. There would have been less pressure to make two winning free throws in the NBA finals than for gas to escape my bowels. After a few hours, I had an EXTREME build-up of gas with no relief. All I could do was lie on my bed and pray for a fart. That might sound funny, but when you've eaten something that has basically turned you into the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, you're pleading for relief. Well, the farts came and I lived through it but I not only had a visit from the fart fairy, but the sales rep from Montezuma's Revenge stopped by and gave me a FULL demo of their services as well.

    In retrospect, eating over a pound all at once wasn't the brightest thing I've done (but it also wasn't the dimmest). If I go back and finish the bag off, I'll probably leave a suicide note.

    lvl_13 0Permalink
    UpvoteDownvote
    Flag
    Show [[ numHiddenNotes ]] more notesAdd Note
    SaveCancel

View thread